While we were at Maleny over the new year’s break we got out into the beautiful gardens and snapped a little maternity photo shoot.
At just shy of 25 weeks when these photos were taken, a lovey little bump was starting to appear.
Most days it still feels so surreal that we are having another baby.
Let’s talk about getting old for a minute. Or more specifically, caring for our loved ones as they get old.
But first I’ll preface this post by saying that, although we both write openly and honestly about our lives; mostly our parenting experiences, I do admit to censoring what I write about when it involves other family members. In this case though, I feel it’s an important topic to discuss and one that might resonate with others.
My family is relatively young compared to other people my age. My parents are under 50 (just) and one of my Nan’s was a Grandmother at 34! But these past few months we have been hit by the realisation that our loved ones are getting older and the impact that can have on the rest of the family.
One of those times was the passing of Kaine’s granddad a couple of months ago. And although he was 96 and my side of the family is much younger, my family are facing struggles in this arena too.
Recently one of my Grandmother’s was diagnosed with dementia. Due to circumstances within the family I have found myself becoming one of the ‘primary caregivers’ I suppose you could say. I entered the world of all things ‘old people’ and found myself knee-deep in social workers, senior living options, care providers, doctors and having absolutely no idea what I was doing.
I want to help, please don’t misunderstand. I want my Nan to be taken care of, be surrounded by family and enjoy quality of life as she still has a lot of life to live.
But as I sat in a meeting with her newly appointed case manager and we talked about care plans and medical services and what to do if Nan gets lost almost as if she wasn’t even in the room, my eyes filled and my throat closed.
This is too much. It’s too overwhelming. What if I make the wrong decision. What if she gets so sad and lonely and confused she’d rather not live in this world anymore.
I already feel so full with an energetic toddler and a growing belly that will soon become a newborn, sending me back into the haze of cluster feeding and unbelievable exhaustion. I don’t know if I can do it.
But here’s what I do know. My Nan deserves to feel loved, wanted and cared for at a time when she must be so afraid and lonely. I honestly don’t care who’s feelings might have been hurt in the past by different circumstances within the family or who was at fault. She is a mother, a Grandmother, and has survived the passing of two husbands that she loved dearly. She’s a person.
Yes it’s scary and overwhelming. It might even feel like an obligation at times, a hassle. But I know in my heart that doing all I can to help is the only option. I can’t promise that I’ll always make the right choices or that I will be able to be available all the time. But I’ll do what I can.
I love you Nan.
xx
Having a new baby is certainly tough at times. There’s the broken sleep every night, 2 hourly feeds, endless nappy changes and the tummy bulge that just won’t budge.
But with all of that comes binge watching Grey’s Anatomy (you have to do something during all that couch time for feeding), day time naps, coffee dates and plenty of visitors bearing pre-cooked meals and willing to cuddle baby while you sleep / shower / have 5 minutes without a baby in your arms or attached to your boob!
Believe it or not though this is actually the easy bit. Soon enough that little newborn that stayed in the same place if you put it down to go to the loo turns into a toddler that insists on following you in every single time, pulling the toilet paper off the roll and wanting to push the flush button for you before you’re even done.
Suddenly getting 30 minutes to watch a tv show or read a book or just do the dishes without a tug on your leg is seemingly impossible. The tables of control turn and you find yourself at the beck and call of a walking, talking, small human.
As my baby has now turned into a toddler seemingly overnight, there are a whole host of things I am learning to be at peace with when living with a toddler.
1. Mess! Food is constantly being dropped on the floor instead of eaten. Toys are more often than not scattered on the lounge room floor and there are crumbs and chocolate stains on the couch.
2. Unfolded clothes. I’ve given up folding his clothes because the clean folded ones inevitably end up in the laundry hamper and the dirty ones in his draws. It’s a fun game apparently.
3. A ‘helper’ for everything. Whether it’s sending an email, sweeping the floor, putting a load of washing on or taking the rubbish out there is my shadow; bashing away at the keyboard and swinging the broom handle around knocking over anything in its path.
4. A dirty child. Food all over his face, dirt on his feet, drawings on his legs and a sweaty head. Keeping this kid clean is near impossible.
5. A new boss. If he’s not helping me do whatever menial yet important task I’m trying to complete, he is literally bossing me around. Not doing what he wants? Be prepared to have him grab you by the hand or clothes and drag you to where he wants you to be. Sometimes he will walk around and push you until you get to his desired location. The bedroom. The couch. He will even grab your hand and push it up to the handle on the fridge if he wants something like the not so secret stash of Maltesers we currently have.
Okay so I’m still working on pretty much all of these. I still cringe when he feeds himself a messy meal with a spoon. And my new handheld vacuum is my best friend.
But there are also loads of super awesome things about life with a toddler. His vocabulary is growing every day, he clearly understands everything I say to him (though he doesn’t always listen) and his little personality and quirks are just so cute as he learns about the world around him.
Not to mention the way my heart melts with every kiss and cuddle he plants on me.
Life with a toddler… I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Our New Years getaway was a little different this year. And not just because we strayed from tradition and went to Maleny instead of the Bunya Mountains.
We went from having no children in our party two years ago to one last year (Jesse) to four this year. A preschooler, a toddler and two babies in the one house certainly kept us all on our toes for the past 5 days. Especially given the multitude of staircases and Jesse’s love of climbing stairs!
But we had such a great time away. Jesse had such a fun time I’m not sure he wanted to come home. Between the big yard to run around in, loads of junk food to eat, his big cousin to play chasey with and his Nanny and Poppy living in the same house, he was a very happy boy!
Being surrounded by family and just relaxing and enjoying each other’s company is such a beautiful way to end the year and start a new one. And next year there will be at least one more baby to add to the group.
Life is good. Happy new year.
Today Jesse and I did our final Kangatraining class for 2016.
We had such a fun last class with all the mums and bubs getting into the Christmas spirit.
It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a full year since we travelled to Melbourne to do the instructor course. I didn’t really know what to expect; starting my own traditional business, being a ‘fitness instructor’ and juggling that with being a new mum. But I knew how much I loved Kanga and hoped I could bring that joy and sense of community to other mums.
Well, my expectations have been truly surpassed. I’ve been so privledged to get to know some wonderful women and I have seen them support, encourage and befriend each other.
I am the first to admit I was so turned off by the ‘mum club’ before and during my pregnancy with Jesse. I just saw so much bitchiness, competiveness and judgement amongst mums that I didn’t want any part of it.
Thankfully, my personal experience has been much different to that. In a Kanga room there is zero judgement or shaming. Just tonnes of laughter, understanding, sweat and friendship. Totally refreshing!
But now it’s time for a few weeks off while we celebrate Christmas, spend time with our families and, in my case, grow another Kanga joey.
So until next year….
As we head towards 22 weeks pregnant with our second baby we thought it was about time we did a pregnancy vlog.
So here is an update on the pregnancy so far.
As the final month of 2016 sets in many of us begin to reflect on the year that was and start planning and setting goals for the new year ahead. In amongst all the parties, family do’s and too much food and drink that is!
The dawning of a new year always tends to conjure up a sense of hope and a fresh start. Which I totally love. But recently I have had several people comment to me that this year has been terrible and they can’t wait for it to be over and the new year to start.
I get it. We too have had our share of challenges and crappy things happen lately. But I can’t help but feel unsettled and a bit sad when I hear people say things like this.
I don’t know if it’s the wishing away of our precious time or the false sense that somehow all the hard stuff will just magically be better come January 1st.
I mean, how many of us have started a year with all these grand plans to make this one our year only to get to Christmas and be in the exact same place we were the year before? I know I have.
I’m in no way intending to belittle someone’s struggles. We too have lost a loved one, supported a sick relative and, at times, had our plate feel fuller than we could handle. But I don’t want to wish my time away nor do I think I need to wait for a new year to make a fresh start.
We can do this any time we chose to.
So as my own reflection and goal setting starts I won’t pray for less struggles as I know I’ll never be given a load heavier than I can carry. Instead, I’ll pray for a stronger back.
And I won’t hope for less challenges because it’s those difficult times that make the victories so sweet. Instead I’ll hope to learn and grow from those shit bits.
I’ll try to focus my attention on others because if we help enough people achieve their dreams, we will eventually achieve ours.
If you’ve had a shitty 2016, I’m truly sorry. But 2017 will only be better if you decide it will be.
Take some time to relax and recharge this festive season. Spend time with family, smile at a stranger and drink too much wine… I would if I could!
And may we all be reminded that even on the darkest of days, there is always something to be grateful for.
xx
We love to look back on the little moments we have captured in our lives. Especially of Jesse as he is growing up.
This video was captured when he was about 4 months old. One of the precious moments shared by Mum and Bub in the wee hours one morning.
It’s so special to relive this time in our lives. And it makes me so excited to create new memories like this when we get to know our new little Bub soon.
Have you ever taken a day (or a week) to explore and be a tourist in your own city?
We like to do this regularly and just recently, to kick off our 10th wedding anniversary, we took in the spectacular sights of Brisbane from the top of the Story Bridge.
Apart from barely making it out alive thanks to a very angry crow (possibly a slight exaggeration by someone with a bird phobia) protecting his nest, the climb was amazing. Definitely an item ticked off the dreams list.
Parenthood is so wonderfully delicious. But sometimes it can be really bloody hard.
There have been some tough times in our house over the past couple of weeks. Jesse just wasn’t himself much of the time and we were all feeling burned out.
Thankfully, after the appearance of two lovely little molars and some much needed R&R for Mummy and Daddy, things seem to be getting back to normal.
But those hard bits inspired this…
Today I cried. And so did you.
I cried because I didn’t know what was wrong with you, my love. Because I couldn’t take away your pain or even know where it hurt.
I cried because nothing I tried seemed to soothe you.
I cried because for the first time I wanted, needed some time away from you.
I cried because the flutter in my belly reminded me there will soon be another and I worried how I will cope in times like this with two.
Today I cried.
I cried because when you felt better you smiled and laughed and played.
I cried because you cuddled me tight and my heart lightened.
I cried because the flutter in my belly reminded me there will soon be another. Bliss!
I cried. And I smiled.
not so secret life of us 