Category: Being a Dad

The Vasectomy: A Comprehensive Review

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Vasectomy… The Big Slice… Getting Snipped… Spermectomy… Being Clipped… Retiring the Boys… Going to the Vet…

Regardless of what you call it, we all end up with the same thing. A bag of frozen peas and a 12 hour ache like you’ve been kicked in the misters.

Once we got that positive result for our third (have I mentioned unexpected before) pregnancy, the first reaction was shock. The second reaction was, how quickly can I book in to see the vet?

Now that I’ve come out the other side, I thought what better way to celebrate than to share my experience with a whole bunch of strangers on the internet. I mean, we’re just talking about my… well, you know… ahem…

So let’s start this review right back at the beginning to when I picked up the phone and called to make my appointment.

I ring the day hospital. “I’d like to book in for a vasectomy please.”

“Sure, I can help you with that.” comes the voice down the line. “We will send you out some information that you will need to read prior to your appointment.”

“Thanks for that. See you soon!”

Now if there is anything that will scare you out of ‘going to the vet’ more than anything else, it’s the information they send you to read through. Hang on now, what are the risks? How many risks are there?

That’s fine though. There are always risks, even for minor surgeries. I can get past that. What else do I need to do before my appointment? Oh here we go, prior to the vasectomy, it is recommended that patients shave their entire…

HANG ON A MINUTE! What’s that? You want me to do what? Oh hell no!!!

Well. This dad right here wasn’t going anywhere near his… ahem… you know whats with a sharp razor. So what are the other options… Hair removal cream? Yea nah… Waxing? Sounds painful… but it does sound better than accidentally giving myself a vasectomy with a razor.

So off to the local waxing salon I go. At this stage I didn’t know what was more unsettling, the fact that I was about to be waxed for the first time, or the fact that I was about to expose myself to a complete stranger.

40mins later, waxing complete. Wasn’t as bad as I thought. Pain: 6/10 Experience: 8/10 Likelihood of returning 0/10

Then comes the day of the procedure. I turn up and the nurse takes me up to the waiting area. “Here you go sir, you need to fully undress and put these on.”

Ummm… okay then. Sure. I’ll play ball (no pun intended).

“And when you’re done, watch this video about vasectomy’s.”

I finish watching the video and try to take my mind off what’s about to come. Again, I’m not sure if I’m more nervous about the procedure or exposing myself to a second stranger in the space of three days.

Then comes my turn. A different nurse comes out to collect me. “I will be helping the Doctor today with the procedure, wait here while I collect him to have a chat with you about things.”

Great. Another complete stranger to add to the mix. Okay, as long as it’s just the two of you then. That’s fine.

The doctor comes out. “So you’re ready for a vasectomy hey. Do you have kids?” “Yes.” “How many?” “Three including one surprise arrival.”

“That’s a good reason to come in for the procedure then I guess. Make sure there’s no more surprises.” “You’re not wrong.”

In I go to the theatre and who’s there… ANOTHER STRANGER. LET’S JUST INVITE THE WHOLE BUILDING AND HAVE A FU**ING PARTY!!! Four! Four strangers in three days I’ve exposed myself too. I don’t think I’ve exposed myself to my wife that many time in the last three days!

“Just going to check to make sure you’re suitable for a vasectomy now.”

“Roger that rogue leader!”

And then it starts. First the local is applied. And then comes the moment where the hole is made and the surgery begins.

The local actually did a pretty good job of numbing the area. And as you lay there the sound of the scissors stripping your manhood away, and the smell of the cauterizing takes over the room. Twenty minutes later it’s done and you try and keep whatever dignity you have left as you start to dress yourself in front of everyone in the theatre.

Post procedure, well, the day of was uncomfortable. A constant ache in your balls like you’ve been kicked in the nuts isn’t the most pleasant thing to deal with, but apparently (as I’ve been constantly reminded of), it’s nothing compared to child birth.

Overall Score 7/10

Not as bad as I thought it would be, and you definitely work it up in your head to be worse than it is. But would I do it again? Well, who would want to.

I did get a free stubby cooler out of it though!

Waiting for Baby Number Three

Renee BartonLeave a comment

It’s a strange time when you’re nearing the end of a pregnancy. It’s like straddling two worlds. Two different realities.

There’s the current reality: I’m sitting on my fit ball, it’s the only place I can get some relief from the pain in my pelvis and back. Third time around and I didn’t know until now just how painful pregnancy can be. But I’m not alone. Mr 3 finds his ball and quietly bounces beside me. The pain ranges from a dull ache to feeling like my body is going to split in half and yet, I’m happy. I’m filled with gratitude for the opportunity to carry and grow another baby. To give birth one more time and raise the child that will complete our family.

And there’s the reality that is just on the other side of this. The one with a new baby. A totally new way of being for our family. The sore boobs and broken sleep and countless hours of committing every detail of their little face to memory. This new reality is exciting and petrifying and monotonous and glorious. It’s oddly close but far away at the same time.

And then there’s the chasm in the middle. The unknown. The wondering. How long will this limbo last for? How much time have I got left to soak in every last moment of being pregnant (aching vagina and all)? When will we meet our final, beautiful piece to our puzzle? Boy or girl? Holy shit, we don’t have a name yet. And don’t even get me started on the impending birth. I love giving birth. Like, love it. But as I feel those waves start to build low in my belly and then subside I’m suddenly reminded of just what I’m about to go through. It’s a terrifying yet exhilarating privilege.

It’s a strange time when you’re nearing the end of a pregnancy. And knowing it’s the last time (no, seriously) adds an extra bittersweetness to it.

My third child, we look forward to meeting you in all of your divine timing and beauty.

Diary of Dad: Going back to work

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Today is the start of my second week back at work (or at my job to be more precise) after almost two months of leave.

That’s right… after almost two months off, I have returned to full time work.

I guess you could say that it all started back in late October, when a series of unfortunate events left me with 2 protruding disks in my neck, a compressed nerve and some of the worst pain I’ve ever had to deal with.

This kicked off an extended period of leave that was ultimately to help me recover, both physically and mentally, from the neck injury I had sustained. However, it also kicked off my first experience of being a ‘full-time stay at home dad’.

Leaving for work this morning, on my first day back after being at home with my kids for the last couple of months was honestly one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever had to do.

My boys had become so accustomed to having me home, that they didn’t understand why I had to go back to work. And throughout all last week, it was barely 9am before they were asking when I was coming home.

And as I kiss them each morning before I leave for a long day ahead at the office, I find myself wishing that I could still stay at home with them.

However, being back at work is where I am meant to be right now. To keep a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and clothes on you backs.

And while I am extremely grateful for the opportunity I have been given as a job, I am finding that I am thinking more and more about the time I was able to spend at home with my family.

I thoroughly enjoyed playing stay at home dad to my boys! And hopefully, one day, I get to experience that again.

Diary of Dad: Do I shout at my kids too much?

Kaine Barton1 Comment

I get frustrated and angry at my kids a lot.

Sometimes it’s even the tiniest and most insignificant thing that can set me off. Like one of them stepping on the back of my shoe while we’re walking through the shops or down the street.

And it’s during these moments of frustration and anger that the thought of how “better” and “easier” it would be without kids sometimes crosses my mind.

It’s a selfish thought. A thought that I never vocalise.

Why do I get so worked up so easily? I don’t even think I know the answer to that question. But it’s something that I have come to realise that I need to work on.

I am starting to learn that a father, to his partner and children, is a powerful presence. And that can be powerful for good or bad.

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It is very easy to forget that from a child’s perspective, a father is a physical threat if he is not committedly gentle, respectful of personal space and avoids completely the use of loudness or an overbearing manner.

Because of my tendency to get frustrated and angry easily, avoiding the use of loudness or an overbearing manner is something that I feel I have failed at throughout my journey through fatherhood.

It is an almost impossible task to try and completely avoid the use of loudness. Every single parent out there will know that shouting is something we all do on impulse, and occasionally, it’s needed to get a child to take notice.

But what I’m beginning to understand, is the impact that shouting from a father has on a child. I’ve seen the eyes of my own children sometimes widen with a twinkle of fear when I have reverted to shouting or loudness as a parenting technique. And in those moments, it’s not satisfaction I feel, it’s sadness.

Sadness that for a moment it was almost as though my own child was scared of me because of how loud and booming my voice was.

A world-renowned family therapist and author mentions that if you must shout at your child, do so with your eyes open. See the child. As soon as your child shows, by a widening of the eyes the slightest flicker that they are getting the message, then ease off. Make your voice quieter. Ask if they understand what you are telling them. If they will change. And then let it go.

That is of course, if you must shout at all.

I know that I get easily frustrated. And I know that I revert to shouting and loudness a little to quickly to get my message across.

What I also know, is that I don’t want to live in a home where my children feel like daddy is always angry and is always shouting at them.

This is something I’ve been getting wrong. This is something I need to change.

So I am going to work damn hard on changing myself. Changing me. Because through all the frustrating times and thoughts of how much “better” I think things would be without kids in those moments, I also know that I wouldn’t change having kids for the sun, the moon or the earth.

Things are perfect. And I need to remember that.

Introducing the new baby!

Kaine Barton1 Comment

Firstly, yes it’s been a while in between posts. We haven’t forgotten about our blog or our YouTube channel, we’ve just been busy with… well… you know… life!

But I’m back (at least for the moment), and not only that, i’m back with some very exciting news for you all!!!

And that news is… I would officially like to introduce the new baby in our household to everyone. Please say hello too…

Baby Massy!!!

Baby Massy is a Masport SureCut mower with a Briggs & Stratton 4-Stroke 550E series 140cc OHV motor. He has a 4 blade cutting system, grass catcher and mulcher. And he is everything I’ve ever dreamed of!

This right here, is definitely a proud dad moment. Isn’t he just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?!

Now that you’ve met him, please excuse me as I now need to take him out for a walk! 😉

I love my Massy!

Weathering the shitstorm

Renee Barton1 Comment

I saw a post on Facebook today from a desperate Mum of a one year old daughter who was seeking relationship advice. She said that she was thinking of leaving her partner because they were going through some struggles and she was worried she didn’t love him anymore. It made me feel really sad and I didn’t even know the woman! It was just an anonymous post on a Mums group page.

I really felt for her and sad that she was considering giving up. Marriage (or any long term relationship) can be challenging but those first few years of parenthood are just a major shitstorm. Beautiful, yes. But a shitstorm nonetheless.

Almost every Mum I have spoken to about this say they have experienced a time of struggle in their relationship after having a child. And if you’ve had more than one child in a short period of time it is an even bigger, smellier shitstorm. And sadly it seems many couples make the difficult decision to call it quits rather than weather the storm.

We have not been immune to the struggle. I mean, when you throw hormones, very (very) little sleep, small people needing your attention 24/7, a fair bit less action in the bedroom and a shit tonne of laundry and dishes piled up things are bound to get a little….strained.

Now, they say that the key to any lasting relationship is communication. I just finished reading a great book by Alan Loy McGinnis called The Friendship Factor and in it he talks a lot about the ultimate friendship; a marriage. The author writes that many of us have a tendency to stop talking to the ones we love the longer we have known them. Makes sense, right?! He goes on to write about an experiment that measured the amount of conversation that occurs between the average married couple over the course of a week. The end result….17 minutes! SEVENTEEN MINUTES. Geez, the average male takes longer than that to take a dump!

This scares the life out of me. Especially since some day not too long from now the kids will be grown and we’ll be back to just us. Forever.

It’s definitely not always easy to keep the communication flowing especially during those difficult times. Though we should be able to be completely honest and transparent with our spouse it is often the hardest because we care for them so much and fear what might happen if we are. But the stories we tell ourselves and the resentment that builds up because, well, he should just know what’s wrong without me having to spell-it-out are always worse than just talking about it.

So in saying all of that, whether you are knee-deep in shitstorm or if you have managed to pop out the other side, I’d love to hear what you and your partner do to keep the conversation flowing (and not just about how many times little Johnny pooped today or what takeout to get for dinner). How do you make time for each other and what kinds of things do you do to keep your marriage pilot light lit?

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Are we officially old

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Panda Bear | SLUMBERJACK | Cub Sport

Two People | G Flip | Malibu Ken

Do you recognise any of these names? Because if you don’t, you might just be coming to the realisation that you’re not just deep into adulthood, but that you very well might possibly be considered to be… ugh… old!

Let’s analyse this for a sec…

I thought I was up with the times in this modern world of ours. I know how to work an iPhone with no home button, I play Fortnite probably more often than the average 14 year old and I too have been victim of the black hole that is YouTube from time to time.

One of the series I’ve watched over the years on YouTube, is ‘Fine Brothers Entertainment’ with their ‘React’ series. I found it amusing watching videos from this series like ‘Adults react to modern music’ often finding myself laughing when these adults were played modern popular music and not have any clue what the song was or who the artist was.

Well, if you hadn’t guessed it already, those names at the top of this post… they’re all recording artists who have brought out new music (according to Apple Music that is (not a sponsor btw)).

I have always enjoyed flicking through the new and popular music charts in Apple Music, as I like to see if there’s anything new coming out that I might enjoy. But in doing this, I have increasingly become more and more aware of a growing trend.

And that is, that I have no f***ing clue who any of these people are!

I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel really f***ing old!

I’m sure there’s a bunch of teenagers out there laughing their pimple-faced arses off at this, all the while muttering under their breath… “haha, you old man”.

And let’s add insult to injury while we’re on this subject hey… because this is really going to put the icing on the cake. Not only do I have absolutely no clue who any of these artists are, I am also finding that all this new music sounds EXACTLY THE GODDAMN SAME!

Why is it that new music these days is all electro bullshit or incoherent mumble rap where you can’t even understand a single word they’re saying.

Please god take me back to the good old days of where musicians had actual talent, wrote their own music and lyrics, and knew how to play instrument (oh God, shut up Kaine, you sound like a Grandad).

Take me back to artists like Queen and Michael Jackson, where it was unmistakable who you were listening too. Take me back to bands like Korn, Fear Factory and Machine Head who paved the way for nu-metal in the late 90s and early 00s. Actually, I’d even rather listen to a boy band from the 90’s than today’s drivel. Backstreet Boys anyone??

Take me back to good music, by good musicians! Because if I hear one more mumble rap song about… well I have no idea what they rap about because it’s impossible to understand that mumble shit, I think I’m going to go f***ing postal!

So if you’re like me… if you long for the days of good music… if you hate mumble rap… and if you have no idea who half of these new artists are… then raise your hands proudly. You are, officially old!

Welcome to the club.