Before we got sucked into the void that was Christmas and New Year’s we recorded Jesse’s six month milestones video.
We reckon it was our hardest month yet that we’ve experienced as parents. There were tears and tantrums a plenty and that was just from us!
There was a leap, teething, bottle refusal, cluster feeds, night waking (more so than usual) and a screaming match before bed almost every night.
But, we made it through. Check out the video below.
What kept you sane during the tough months?
In the past, both on this blog and in general conversation with people we know, we have often talked about how Jesse is a really cruisy baby. And about how lucky we have been because he’s such a happy baby.
“Nah, he hardly ever cries”, we would say. “He’s a pretty chilled baby”.
Well, all that has changed. Our once chilled, happy, easy going baby has turned into a restless, upset, cranky, screaming bubba that is often hard to settle. The culprit? Based on all the evidence we have and research we’ve undertaken, the most likely explanation is that he is starting to go through teething.
So with that, I would like to say that this past week of parenting for us, has been hard. Hard because after becoming accustomed to having such a happy, well behaved baby for the better part of the past 6 months, it has been a little difficult coming to terms with and adjusting to a baby that is cranky and unsettled a lot of the time.
But while it has been hard for us both, it has been especially hard for Renee. When you are a stay-at-home mum and have a baby that demands your full attention for so much of the day and night, it can start to take its toll. But Renee has soldiered on. Being a pillar of support for Jesse and also being a rock for me when I get stressed. And for this reason, words can’t even begin to express my gratitude toward Renee for this.
That said, there is one (huge) thing that both Renee and I need to consider and reflect on. And that is that Jesse is not doing this just for the hell of it. He is not putting us through our paces as parents just because he feels like it. Jesse is genuinely upset, unhappy, and in pain.
When he is uncontrollably crying and just won’t settle down no matter what we try. It’s because he is in discomfort and in pain.
When he keeps waking up every couple of hours during the night because he is unsettled. It’s because he just wants a cuddle and to be comforted.
When he won’t settle in my arms no matter what I do, but will stop crying when he gets his mummy. I need to realise that it’s not that he doesn’t like me. It’s just that he wants his mummy at that moment. Mostly I think, because mummy has the boobs.
And when he won’t take his bottle no matter how many different ways we try to give it to him. It’s because his gums are sensitive and hurt. But taking comfort in knowing that he is still getting nourishment through puree’s and mummy’s boobs.
We know that babies have limited communication skills. So when it comes to communicating with mums and dads, the only thing babies can really do is cry. And for this reason, we do know that for the moment, the constant crying and unsettled nature is just his way of communicating that something is just not quite right.
I will at this point say this. We aren’t naive about the struggles of having a newborn. We are well aware that there will be parents out there that have had unsettled babies since they were born. Babies with colic. Babies with reflux. The fact that we are going through this rough patch isn’t even a blip compared to what some parents go through with their own babies.
And these parents in our eyes, deserve to be commended. We can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to have a baby that cries all the time. You must be super parents to be able to navigate your way through the days with a constantly unsettled bubba.
I hereby dub you ‘Super Mum’ and ‘Super Dad’! High five!
I know that the mere fact we have had such a happy and healthy baby leading up to this dreaded teething period has been an absolute blessing. And really, in the grand scheme of things, we really don’t have anything to complain about. And despite the fact that he is going through an unsettled period, he still does give us glimpses of his usual self (happy go lucky Jesse), he is healthy, and he is still bloody cute.
But it’s still tough… Being first time parents and never experiencing this before, ever, and trying to get a grasp of and work through this rough period with Jesse is tough. But I have absolute faith that together, as a unit, we are strong and will work through it and come out the other side with an even happier baby than we had before.
And to all my fellow mums and dads out there (especially the first timers)… we got this! We can do this! And if there is only one thing that you get from this post, I hope it’s that you are not alone in your struggles! Everyone goes through rough patches.
So let’s support each other and get through this together!
We got this!
The other week, I had the pleasure of attended a number of seminars for work based around health and wealth. One of the sessions I was grateful for the opportunity to attend on the day, was called ‘The Power of Positive Parenting’.
This session, which was presented by Professor Matt Sanders, was about an initiative called the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). More specifically, what it is… how it works… how we can get involved… and how it can benefit families with young children.
So what is Triple P? Well, if you look at the official website it says that “Triple P helps you manage your child’s behaviour, emotions and development in a way that isn’t hurtful. You will build strong relationships, communicate well and encourage the kind of behaviour you want to see. Triple P is one of the few parenting programs in the world with evidence to show it works for most families.”
It certainly sounded like Triple P was something that both Renee and I would be interested in, particularly because it seemed to reflect our own thoughts and feelings on the style of parenting we wanted to implement in Jesse’s upbringing.
The Triple P website mentions that when implementing the positive parenting program, there are five key principles. These principles are:
At the session, Professor Sanders was able to expand on what these principles are, and what they involve for parents looking to raise their children in a safe and positive environment. And with every principle he covered, I started to admire the Triple P philosophy and program more and more. It really got me thinking about the discussions Renee and I have had regarding how we wanted to approach parenting. I then began to see how this positive parenting approach could work in with our approach.
Professor Sanders also covered off on a lot of parenting examples that are taught through the Triple P program. And while they are certainly too long to list in a blog post, the examples he gave really spoke to me. A lot of these examples were things that Renee and I had previously discussed, with the intention of implementing them into our parenting style and approach.
Things like the fact that a lot of positive praise is okay!
That you make family a priority and make sure you give your children your full attention at least once every day. Even if it is only for a couple of minutes, while they show you something they have done.
Encourage your child’s learning. Don’t solve every problem for them. Talk to them and run through how they might be able to solve it on their own.
Use consistent and assertive discipline. Don’t be aggressive. If they do misbehave, ask them questions like “how do you think what you just did impacts on others?”
And always create a warm, loving and safe environment which encourages your children to shine.
While I have often heard of being a peaceful parent, I will admit that this session was the first time I had heard of the term, being a positive parent. And while many of the strategies and principles may be very similar between these two parenting styles, I really think that a blend of the two is what Renee and I are aiming for with our parenting approach to Jesse.
And while I can sit here as I type this and say that yes, this is absolutely the strategy that Renee and I are going to use in raising Jesse… the fact is that we will still get things wrong. We will still make mistakes. And we also understand that parenting needs to be fluid. You might have a parenting game plan, but you will need to adapt and be willing to make it up on the fly.
But what we have both come to realise, is that having a good foundation to build upon is a great way to approach parenting. And that is what Triple P is offering. A foundation for us to build upon. Somewhere to start. Because being that we are new parents, this is a whole new world for us.
And the best thing of all, is the information we have that is right at our fingertips. Available on-line. Anywhere… Any time… The perfect companion while we tackle this epic new adventure of being first time parents.
And while this whole parenting thing at the moment is pretty much a breeze (on account of the fact that Jesse is still just a little too young to be rebelling against anything except for pureed sweet potato), I know that the strategies we learn today through the Triple P program, will come in very handy in the future.
There is one thing I know for sure though. And that is that I am very excited about raising Jesse to be the man that I know he can and will be.
After kind of a rough morning, it is now Jesse’s nap time and all is quiet in the house.
For a moment I think about how I’d love to just flop on the couch, switch on some Netflix and just mentally recharge before round two. And then I look over to the kitchen and notice the bottles that need washing up. I then remember that load of baby clothes that’s still in the machine that need hanging up to dry. And my thoughts then turn to my next blog post which unfortunately isn’t going to write itself.
Nap time then becomes a mission to get as much done as humanly possible before he wakes up and the cycle starts again.
I tell you what… they are right when they say that being a mum is the most rewarding yet most difficult job in the world! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. As hard as it is on some days for the stay-at-home parent, it is equally as challenging for the one who’s at work all day.
On mornings like we had today, when Jesse is upset and crying for reasons that I can’t quite figure out, I not only have to soothe him, but I also find myself reassuring Kaine that everything is OK. This is partly my own fault, because he wouldn’t even know if it weren’t for the fact I keep him up to date via text messages and Snapchats throughout the day.
It is mostly good news and cute pics. But when its not, I know that his natural ‘worry wart’ tendencies are even more exacerbated due to him not being able to be here to see or help Jesse first hand.
The plus side of having a partner to navigate this whole parenting maze with is that we balance each other out. If Kaine’s freaking out over something then I try to stay calm so that I can talk him down and be the voice of reason and positivity. And goodness knows he has had to talk me off a ledge a time or two as well. That said, it doesn’t always work out that way and there are occasions when we disagree or simply not know the right action to take.
Being married is one thing but raising a human with another person is the ultimate test in team work. Its no longer just about where the toothpaste tube gets squeezed from, which way the toilet paper goes on the holder or who hogs the sheets at night. We now have to work together to take care of a baby.
Suddenly we’re needing to make all these decisions and we both are desperately trying to get it right and take care of our little man the best we can. I swear every time I run the bath for Jesse, Kaine will ask if the temperature is okay before putting him in. And, probably equally annoying for Kaine is when I come swooping in to console a tired, cranky bub even though he is doing a great job of it himself.
Of course it is not that we are judging each other or that we don’t trust each other’s decisions. We just so badly want to do an exceptional job at raising our little human, and any future little humans that my join our family, that sometimes it all get’s just a little overwhelming.
That said, even though it can be really hard and overwhelming at times, we know its only because we care so much. For our boy. For each other. And about being the best and most exceptional parent we can be.
But at the end of the day, when it comes to our values and our desire to be peaceful, positive parents… We are 100% on the same page. And that is what makes us work!
I first heard the term ‘mummy guilt’ a number of years ago when an otherwise lovely acquaintance said to me “oh, you don’t know about mummy guilt yet”. Immediately I hated the term and I had to refrain myself from leaning over the table and strangling her as I geared up for yet another “just you wait ’til you have kids” speech.
Now, I am a mum. And while I get that being a parent is a massive learning curve, and we probably get it wrong more times than we get it right, I’m still not a fan of the concept of mummy guilt.
It’s not that I don’t relate to the thing they call mummy guilt (I may have even experienced it on occasion). I mean, we all want to do what is best for our children right? But a lot of the time our expectations are very different to reality.
At the end of the day, I hate that there are so many awesome mums (and dads) out there that are spending precious time and energy feeling guilty about what they are, or are not doing.
The dreaded guilty feeling can rear its ugly head in many ways… but for some reason, more often than not, it seems this mummy guilt stuff is directly linked between work and time with our babies. That ever elusive work / life balance.
There’s the stay at home mum that dreams about her former self kicking butt on the corporate ladder. She might feel guilty for sometimes wanting to be a career woman again. Or maybe she feels guilty that she’s no longer contributing to the household finances.
There’s the mum who had to go back to work. Maybe she needed to go back for financial reasons or perhaps she would have lost her job if she didn’t. And every morning she reluctantly leaves her child in someone else’s care as she wishes she could turn the car around and go back to their happy little bubble at home.
Then there’s the mum who went back to work because she wanted too. She absolutely loves her children, but she also loves her career. And she wakes up every morning feeling guilty that she might be putting her career before her children.
None of these choices make us bad mums (or dads). So why is it that we let this pesky guilt get the better of us??
What makes this phenomenon even harder to deal with is the fact that for some strange reason, some women seem to almost enjoy critiquing other people’s parenting choices. Perhaps it helps them to ease their own guilt for a moment. But wouldn’t a better solution be to just accept and embrace and be grateful that we do have so many choices available to us?
So let’s just all agree to STOP!!! Stop feeling guilty all the time! And while we’re at it stop judging each other and comparing ourselves to others.
To the mum who works outside the home and has to put their children in care, you are teaching them that you can have a successful career and a successful family life. You are teaching them about work ethic, responsibility, and finance. You are teaching them that they too, can have a career and a family and succeed at both. You are teaching them to make friends and make connections with others. You are teaching them independence.
To the stay at home mum, you are instilling into your children your own values and ethics, not someone else’s. You are teaching them that making a worthy contribution doesn’t necessarily have to be in the form of a job. You are reading to them, playing with them and teaching them skills that you consider to be important in life.
In the end, whatever your circumstances are, the best advice I can give is that you just need to do your best and own it. No matter what.
And if no one has told you yet today… you are doing a great job mama!
not so secret life of us 