Category: Being a Dad

Dad Bod: It’s Time To Go Part II

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

On 23 January 2017, someone decided to write a post called ‘Dad Bod: It’s time to go!’

That someone was me.

My post went something a little like this:

“Blah blah blah I’m not going to beat around the bush… I have officially (by my own admittance) reached fat bastard status! I got to that point where I realised I had two options available moving forward regarding my diet and my weight. Either stop eating… or buy a whole new wardrobe full of clothes. And let’s face it, to stop eating is definitely the cheaper way to go!”

“Blah blah blah I mean, it’s pretty bad. Like so bad that the t-shirts I own look like they’re about 2 sizes to small when I wear them. If I start to raise my arms it looks like I’m wearing a midriff! Plus none of my pants fit! We went to the Redcliffe Lagoon just before New Years and I couldn’t do them up. I have buttons popping open on shorts and I even had to use a hair tie on the top button of a pair of jeans because I couldn’t get it done up! Yes, a hack I learned from my pregnant wife.”

“Blah blah blah I’ve embraced the Dad Bod for long enough. All the delicious food and the cold beers and the tasty burgers and the amazing chocolate and the delightful doughnuts and the… IT’S TIME TO STOP!!!”

Pretty convincing stuff right. Well, I must have thought so at the time, because I was clearly fired up enough to put down in writing that I was going to lose the dad bod and gain a six pack that would give Zac Efron a run for his money! I was making claims like I was going to be the next inspirational body transformation story to go viral around the world and have everyone asking me “How did you do it?” I was talking like I was going to be the next Instagram male fitness model with abs of steel, calves that could cut through glass, biceps that would make The Rock jealous and an ego to match.

Fast forward to the end of June and I’m now peaking at 90kg in weight, I haven’t given up any of the bad foods I said I was going to give up, I’m drinking more beer than I did at Christmas and New Years, I’ve had to buy the next size up in underwear, and I’ve had to buy half a wardrobes worth of clothes that actually fit me.

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I think I’ve practically just given up trying to lose weight and get back to my peak fitness level. It’s like I’ve just thrown up the middle finger with a “f*** it… I’m having cake and beer!” I mean, cake and beer is freaking delicious!!! Who doesn’t want cake and beer! Just throw in some mac and cheese, dark chocolate, a full family bag of cheese supreme Doritos and some ice cream and you have a bloody good night in at home on the couch watching some Netflix!

Losing weight is just so damn hard these days. I mean, I never really thought that being in my early thirties would have that much of an impact on my health and fitness but f***… it’s like my body just turns whatever I eat to fat and stores it there for an eternity.

So bugger it… I’m just going to keep enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still exercise and sh**… but I think I’m going to give up on the dream of being the next Arnold Schwarzenegger!

With that said, I’ve got to go… I’ve got a 7/11 Slurpee and king size Mars bar calling my name!

Photo Friday: Jesse’s First Haircut

Renee BartonLeave a comment

There are many ‘firsts’ in life, so it would seem that a haircut should be fairly insignificant. But in fact for parents, it is another one of those events that remind us our baby is no longer a baby and is now in full blown toddlerhood. 

We had this experience over the weekend when we took Jesse for his first proper haircut by a hairdresser. 

Kaine attempted to trim Jesse’s fringe so it wasn’t in his eyes. But when that went hysterically wrong, it was off to the hair dresser!

There were tears in the chair and then tears when we had to drag him away from the amazing wooden train set in the waiting area. But all in all it went well and our big boy looks super cute with his new hair do. 


When the season changes…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

A simple change of season brings with it so many things… like cool nights spent in front of the television under a blanket. Lazy mornings spent dozing under the warmth of the doona. Flannelette pyjamas. Onesies. Slow cooked meals and warm soups. Runny noses and blocked sinuses.

With a simple change of season, Winter is here.


It has brought with it, into our household at least, the kind of runny noses, blocked sinuses and chesty coughs that young children just seem to attract. It has also brought with it, restless nights.

Over the past few nights, our modest queen size bed has been full. Full with two tired parents, a sniffily, snoring toddler with a blocked nose, and a restless baby that just wants to be continuously attached to Renee’s boob. Our bed is full of warm bodies fighting for space in a forever shrinking bed that seems to be getting smaller by the minute. But it’s not just full of these sleeping, sometimes restless bodies… It is also full of love…

It is full of the love of a mother cradling her newborn in the crook of her arm as she yet again exposes her breast to the cool air of the night to once again feed, soothe and settle his tiny whimpers and cries.

It is full of the love of a newborn when he feels the warmth and closeness of his mother, as he begins to take in the sweet milk that he has been longing for.

It is full of the love of a father as he breathes in the blissful scent of his toddler’s hair when he rolls over and cuddles in for warmth, placing his tiny hand on my cheek.

It is full of the love of a toddler who feels safe wrapped in the arms of his father, as he breathes and snores softly into the night.

A simple change of season brings with it so many things. But of all the things that a change of season to those cooler months of Winter brings, it’s the overflowing feeling of love we feel as our family finally falls soundly asleep, breathing almost in harmony, cuddled up and sharing with each other our warmth, that we treasure most.

A simple change of season brings with it so many things…

And love is the greatest of them all.

Something funny happened last night…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Something funny happened in our house last night.

Something that is the result of two tired parents, at night, doing their best, trying to get the kids to bed.

So, as is normally the case of an evening/night in the Barton household at the moment, Renee was feeding and nursing Jasper while I was playing with Jesse and making us dinner. On Saturday night while we were out for my Mum’s Birthday, Jesse found a skill tester full of bouncy balls. $1 later and some serious skill tester skills on my part, Jesse was the proud owner of a small, red bouncy ball which hasn’t left his sight since we got home that night. So last night, Daddy and Jesse were bouncing said bouncy ball back and forth to each other for hours, much to Jesse’s delight.

Anyways, so we eventually got organised and got both boys ready for bed.


Our normal routine of an evening is once the boys are ready for bed, and once Jesse has had enough playtime and starts showing signs of being tired, one of us will take him into our bedroom and lay with him on our bed with a bottle while he falls asleep. Well, last night it didn’t quite play out that way.

We got the boys ready for bed… we let Jesse continue playing… and Renee took him into our room for a bottle and sleep time. 7 minutes later, the door opens and out strolls Jesse wide eyed and bushy tailed! Ok, fair enough, not quite ready for bed yet.

So it was more bouncy ball play time, as Jesse and I sat at opposite ends of the kitchen and continued to bounce it to each other.

A little while later, and it was my turn. So it was into the bedroom, sans bottle, for the second attempt… … … We didn’t even last 5 minutes this time!

Back out we go for more play time.

About 30 minutes later, Jesse finally takes me by the hand, requests another bottle and then leads me into the bedroom. By this stage, it’s somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00pm and well past Jesse’s bedtime. It’s all good though. Hopefully he falls asleep pretty quickly and I’ll be able to sneak out in time to see the end of MasterChef.

I remember laying down beside him, feeling him snuggling into me as he chugged his bottle down. I remember him handing me the empty bottle, putting it on the side table, and then snuggling back into him as he rolled over to get comfortable. And then…

Well, the next thing I remember is Renee nudging me in the arm to wake me up. “Hey… we both fell asleep and it’s now 10pm” she says to me as I try and comprehend where I am and what’s happened.

“What?! Did I really fall asleep” I say back to her, convinced she is lying. I’m sure I remember thinking about stuff while I lay here. Or was it a dream…

Oh well… that folks, is how parenting is done. Where the person with the most energy at 8pm on a Sunday night is your 2 year old toddler. And when you both fall asleep trying to put the kids to bed and miss the end of Australia’s best amateur cooking show, MasterChef. Who had the three best dishes? Who had the worst three dishes? Who the hell was the guest chef? These are all questions I may never get the answers to…

Like I said at the start of this post, something funny happened last night. It was the result of two tired parents, just doing our best.

So, what’s in store tonight? Well, I can let you know how we go if you like, although, there is one thing I do know… I can’t miss the ending of another episode of Australia’s favourite show about cooking things, MasterChef (not really, because really, who gives a sh*t about who had the best dish when you can snuggle with your 2 year old in bed!).

Bye, Bye Postpartum Honeymoon

Renee BartonLeave a comment

The past 6 weeks have flown by so fast but yes, Jasper is now 6 weeks old. The first 6 weeks with a newborn really is like a honeymoon period. The oxytocin is flowing, mama and baby are bonding, visitors are showering you with gifts and food. It’s incredible. 

And then the 6 week mark hits and all of a sudden you are just magically meant to have your shit together. The fan fare has faded, the fog begins to lift and the new normal takes hold. Routines are starting to form (some days), and our bodies are, for the most part, ready to handle our normal-life activities again. 


While the postpartum honeymoon period might be drawing to a close, we continue to fall more in love with our bubba. And our big boy as he slips beautifully into the role of big brother. And I reckon I can milk calling Jasper a newborn for at least another 6 weeks despite the fact that he is a chunky 5.2kg already!

Photo Friday: Not Quite Newborn

Renee BartonLeave a comment

When Jesse was just 14 days old, our amazing photographer Renee Trubai came to our home and photographed us and our little boy. She captured the rawness of us as brand new parents and all the wonder that is a brand new baby.

This time we were left to our own devices (literally) to photograph Jasper as Renee tends to her two month old twins.

We’re trying desperately not to fall into the trap of having a million photos of the first born and none of the second, but it can be tricky at times!

But 4 weeks and 4 days old, we finally got around to taking a few shots. Using our own camera, a tripod and Kaine’s iPhone (which we had to crop out of some pics!), we managed to get a few nice ones for the photo book.



This one is particularly hilarious to us because instead of looking like a delicate newborn like Jesse did, Jasper is a chunky monkey complete with arm rolls! Super cute though!

Oh yea, and Renee, we tried our hardest, but nothing compares to the photos you take. WE NEED OUR AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHER BACK!!! 😝😂

Sex After Childbirth

Renee BartonLeave a comment

So fellas, you thought negotiating sex during pregnancy was difficult? For nine months you and your partner battled your way through despite the nausea, tiredness, raging hormones and growing belly. Not to mention for many guys, the fear of stabbing your unborn child or somehow risking the pregnancy (which by the way, you can’t).

Well now the baby is out and you are keen to reignite the passion in the bedroom. But let me just say, you now have a whole host of other things to deal with, and you may need to be a little understanding if your lady isn’t as eager to ‘get back on the saddle’ so to speak.


So there’s the obvious… A baby has recently emerged from her body, quite possibly from the same area you wish to become reacquainted with, so she may need some time to heal and feel like herself again. Particularly if the birth was traumatic for her.

She may also be still getting used to the way her body looks in the mirror now. We know you think we’re sexy no matter what and we love that. It might just take a bit longer for us to agree with you.

Secondly, the boobs that you are dying to squeeze because, well let’s face it, they’re huge! Yup, those boobs are probably sore and sensitive. So go easy! I know, she’s constantly teasing you by having them out, right there, in front of you, all the damn time, but be warned, this is to feed your newborn child only – DO NOT TOUCH!

And perhaps the biggest mood killer, she’s really damned tired. Not just the ‘had a big day at work’ kind of tired. But the sheer exhaustion that comes from night after night after night of broken sleep and the endless demand of being at someone’s beck and call 24/7. The kind of tired where if you dare roll toward her suggestively as she finally crawls into bed and is already thinking about when she’ll have to get up for the next feed, you may not live to make any more babies.

So as much as you want to reconnect with your lady, she probably wants to reconnect with herself first. She’s probably craving for just 30 minutes of alone time. To not be touched, not have a hungry baby in her arms or a toddler watching her pee. To take her time in the shower instead of rushing because the baby is crying. Time to get her brows waxed or shave her legs.

It’s these small things that help us to get our sexy back! Just sayin’!

And the more you guys get it, the more you’ll get it. Get it… *wink wink*.

There is nothing more irresistible to a new mum than her man taking the kids for a bit and insisting she have some quality ‘me’ time. Oh and make her a coffee or pour a glass of wine for her every now and again. And then make sure she has her hands free to actually enjoy it.

Sex after childbirth may seem ever elusive and probably a little scary, but these little things can go a long way to making sure you both get what you need.

Thoughts of a Dad going back to work.

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

It’s been six weeks since I last went to work.

It’s been six weeks since I got up at 5am… put on work clothes… caught public transport… walked through Brisbane City…

But today, for the first time in six weeks, I got up at 5am, put on my work clothes, caught public transport, walked through Brisbane City and went to work. Because today, is my first day back from my planned parental leave.

For the past six weeks, I’ve had the absolute pleasure of being home with Renee to help welcome our second child, Jasper James into the world. And wow… what an amazing six weeks it’s been!

Our family grew by one (us boys now officially rule the house!!!). We had numerous visitors come through our doors to give us adult interaction but to also meet and adore our newest addition. I managed to complete a number of home projects we kept putting off because we either had no time, no money, or a combination of the two. I bonded with Jesse on a whole new level after spending almost every waking hour keeping him entertained so that Renee could tend to Jasper.

We laughed. We cried. We slept on the couch at midday because we got little sleep the night before.

We had tantrums. We had night terrors. We had snotty noses. We had vomit down out arms and nappies full of diarrhoea.

But it was literally the best six weeks at home we have spent together in a very long time.


But today, it all changed. Because today, was my first day back at work. Today, was the first day Renee was at home with both boys by herself. Today, was the day that I had to leave Renee, Jesse and Jasper at home, after spending 6 weeks with them, because I had to go back to work. Today, was one of the hardest days I’ve had to face in a long time.

I always knew it was going to be difficult leaving my family behind as I went back off to work after spending so much time together. But come yesterday evening, I felt physically sick at the thought of going back to work! Not because I hate my job, far from it! But because all I wanted to do, was to be with my family.

However, if there is one thing I do know, it’s that work is exactly where I need to be. I need to provide for my family so that there is petrol in the tank, food on the table, and nappies on the kids. I need to support my family so that Renee is able to continue to stay at home with our children and chase her passion as a Kanga Trainer.

And it’s for those reasons, as I sit here at work on my lunch break, that I know I am where I need to be, and I am okay with that.

For those of you out there who are in similar positions, remember… you may be leaving your partner and kids of a day, but don’t feel guilty about that. You are where you need to be, and in the future, they will thank you for that!

The real side of parenting…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

People are often criticised for only sharing the happy parts of life on social media.

Whether it’s happy go lucky posts on Facebook, or an Instagram feed that is carefully curated to make the rest of us jealous of a seemingly perfect life, there is a constant wave of people shouting for everyone to be more real!

Well, for us, it doesn’t get much realer than this!

Me… sitting in the hallway at 11pm, eyes closed with a bottle in my hand while Jesse kicks and screams his way through yet another night terror behind the wall just to my right. Sitting in that exact spot because if I move even an inch closer or further away from him, the screaming only gets louder!

Sitting there… a combination of tired, defeated, angry, sad, worried and helpless as Jesse fights his way through his terror.

Sitting there, knowing there is nothing I can do but wait, and pray that he comes over, takes his bottle and climbs back into bed.

Sitting there, feeling like a failure…


We certainly haven’t been shy when it comes to writing about our negative experiences as we stumble our way through parenthood… But I also know that I am also guilty of trying to keep things as positive as I can. And one look of my Instagram feed will confirm that.

So when Renee shot off a quick photo to capture this moment… this “real” moment… no fancy clothes, no fancy lighting, no fancy editing… as I sat there trying not to feel defeated as a parent, I knew I had to share it!

This, is what is real for us! Not every night. Not always this bad. But it’s our reality and it’s one that we’ve had to learn to embrace.

However, while we are certainly happy to share this reality with you, I don’t necessarily think those who like to keep positive Facebook pages or colourful and happy Instagram feeds aren’t being real!

You don’t have to be controversial, swear, belittle your kids and/or partner or share inappropriate photos to be real!

You just have to be you…

And when you too are up late at night, trying to calm or soothe your crying child, just remember, that you are not alone! You aren’t a failure! And you will get through this!

And at the end of the day, when they wake up the next morning, happy and playful, you will know that you’ve done your job!

Four Weeks as a Family of Four

Renee Barton1 Comment

I can’t believe how quickly these past four weeks have gone. A whole month has passed since we welcomed our second son Jasper James into the world.

One minute I was 40 weeks pregnant praying my baby would come soon, the next we’re rushing to hospital and almost giving birth in the hallway while the birth suite was being cleaned. To now, holding a one month old beautiful boy.


And a big boy at that! At nearly 4kg born he is now 5kg and pushing into 000 clothes. His brother was still in 00000 at 4 weeks old. Not only are they different in size, but in looks and temperament too. It’s so fascinating.

So for a whole month we have been parents to two under two (Jesse’s second birthday is in two weeks time). We feel so incredibly blessed by our two boys but shit, this gig is gonna be tough!
Already I’ve been wracked with guilt. Am I giving each of them the attention they need? And already I’ve cracked a few times under the pressure of sleepless nights.

For the first week I think I was still running on adrenaline and new mama hormones. But a month on there have already been a few rough nights between the toddler having night terrors and the baby being awake for hours at a time because he has a blocked nose.

The real test is coming next week though, when Kaine returns to work. What will I do without someone to take the early shift so I can get another hour sleep? Without someone to answer Jesse’s request to play when I’m feeding Jasper? And without someone to share the nappy changing progression line with?

As challenging as it is, it is also pretty great. The boys already have a beautiful relationship forming. 


So, welcome to our family Mr Jasper and happy one month birthday.