How to write a successful parenting blog

February 17, 2016 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Parenting blogs…

They’re not exactly a new innovation in the online blogosphere. And by that I mean there’s plenty of them out there. With the content of all these blogs varying from parenting advice to funny anecdotes about being shat on and everything in between.

You could say our blog fits in that ‘everything in between’ space.

I will say this however… When we first came up with this crazy idea to add to our social media presence and start a blog and brand it Not So Secret Life Of Us (NSSLOU), a parenting blog wasn’t exactly what we had in mind for it. We are simply humans documenting and sharing our lives through social media. And while the bigger picture for our NSSLOU project remains the same, at this very moment, one could argue that we do somewhat fall into the parenting blog category.

But what makes a successful parenting blog? Or any blog for that matter. Well, we are still figuring that one out. But what keeps coming up as a topic of conversation in our household is what we DON’T want for our blog.

History shows us that being relatable and raw (with a touch of humour) can be the best way to create a successful blog. Regardless of whether you’re a parenting blog, a personal development blog or a blog about sneakers. If people can relate to your experiences and have a laugh because they feel your story is reflected in their own daily lives in some way, you are more likely to build up a large audience of loyal followers.

But can being “raw” go too far?

There have been a couple of blogs and posts that have really blown up recently. And I’ll admit, one or two of the posts were quite funny. But when it comes to the content of these blogs, every post follows the same formula. They are always negative… They are always vulgar… And they are always attempting to be humorous for maximum viral-ability (that’s a word right?).

We certainly try and keep our blog as relatable and light-hearted as we can. But we don’t think we need to use profanity or crudeness to get our message across. Nor do we write content solely for the hope it will go viral. We write from the heart, we write with truth, we try to write with humour, and we try and stay as positive as we can. Because frankly, that’s how we live our lives. We love being parents and we love being married. And while neither are fun or rosy all the time we always try to see the positive side. We are honest and raw, but we are not negative. Why? Well, we think there is already enough negative in the world today. And we don’t need to add to that.

Everywhere you look there is negative. The six o’clock news is almost always entirely filled with bad news. Social media is jam packed with people having a whinge and bullying. There are mums attacking other mums. Dads attacking other dads. People attacking parents for their parenting choices.

When you weigh up the good against the bad, sadly the negative wins by an overwhelming margin.

And this is where, in our opinion, some “parenting” blogs have gone too far. One of the comments left on a particular post summed it up perfectly:

“Everything she says is very negative and depressing. I don’t find being a wife or mother negative in any way, shape or form, and love every second of my wifey role and parenting. Even when I get shat and vomited on. She drains the life from me and makes me feel sad. No good will come from glamorising depression, and its sad that so many women empathise with her and feel this way. I just want to help them all but don’t know how. It’s not supposed to feel like ____ describes it. It’s not…”

Many people obviously like reading these rude, crude and pessimistic posts, because otherwise they wouldn’t be as successful as they have been. But it’s just not our bag. If that is what we have to do to go viral then we’ll happily just keep our small group of followers. Retaining our integrity is more important to us than a ‘flash in the pan’ viral post.

We won’t be changing our approach to this great journey that we are on with NSSLOU. From the start, we had always imagined this to be a positive environment that encourages and uplifts people, parents or not. The kind of place where you could come along and go, ‘Wow… I’m not the only one who’s going through that’.

And not only that, create a place to share out story and journey for our son (and future children)… and their kids… and their kids kids to look back on and feel proud of what mum and dad accomplished not only as parents, but with this blog.

If we can add just a little bit more kindness, positivity and fun into the world while we’re at it, then we have accomplished our goal. And if we can encourage a few others to be more positive in their own lives and towards each other then that’s awesome too.

Let’s put an end to speaking negatively of our partners and our lives and our parenting skills and others. And maybe, together, we can start to change the negative landscape that is parenting in today’s digital age.

Footage Friday: 7 Month Milestones

January 30, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

Okay, so it’s Saturday but better late than never right?

Jesse’s seventh month was quite eventful with two of the most adorable little teeth you’ve ever seen making an appearance as well as mastering how to sit up on his own.

We had a few hiccups whilst recording the video but hey, they do say never work with babies or animals!

Enjoy.

A New Year, A New Adventure

January 27, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

It’s hard to believe but the first month of 2016 is almost over. I know, right!

It may seem like the year has taken off and left you somewhere around December 27th last year but don’t fret. It’s not too late to plan your year and get back on track. Don’t let another year just slip by leaving you wondering when time started to go by so quickly.

Already, this year is not what I had expected. After 9 months of maternity leave I should have been returning to my job this week but instead I am embarking on a new adventure and starting my own business as a licensed Kangatraining Instructor. The successful boutique consulting company I worked with for the last five years are closing their doors to allow for it’s people to pursue other opportunities. Including me.

As fate would have it, I had already started down the Kangatraining path and was planning to do both part time when I found out there wasn’t going to be a job for me to return to. Strangely enough I didn’t freak out. I strongly believe in the mantra ‘everything happens for a reason’. And thankfully I have a super supportive husband who also didn’t freak out and has been nothing but positive and encouraging.

I have found that women don’t need the support of their man to be successful, but it sure bloody helps! Guys, you might think your lady is a super star capable of anything she sets her mind to, but have you told her that lately?

Anyway, as I type this I am gearing up to take my instructor exams and putting in place all the finer details to get this new adventure up and running. And I can’t help thinking about how often thin threads can completely change our direction in life.

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One minute I am spending 40 hours a week sitting in my home office in front of a computer screen… okay, let me digress for a minute and address some of the working from home questions that have no doubt popped up in your mind…

Yes, I worked from home. Yes, I often worked in my pyjamas. No, I never worked nude or whilst in bed. And yes, I may or may not have taken the odd afternoon siesta on the lounge, particularly while pregnant. And while I’m on the topic of working from home, whenever I talked about returning to work after having a baby everyone would say “oh but you work from home, how convenient, you won’t need day care”. Seriously?? I don’t know about all of you other mums out there but I can barely get my hair brushed or the dishes done let alone have a productive work day when home with my baby.

Now, where was I… Oh yes, one minute I’m spending 40 hours a week in front of a computer screen (working very hard), the next I have a baby who requires my attention around the clock and doesn’t like it very much when I sleep and now I’m about to become a fitness instructor (I know, I can’t say it with a straight face yet) where I get to play with mummies and bubbies and live out my dream of being a (sort of) dance teacher.

I feel so lucky to have found something that allows me to be with my baby whilst contributing to our household finances AND combines my love of dance and fitness with my passion for baby wearing and helping other mamas.

So, my point is (if in fact there is one amongst all of this sleep deprived rambling) if January has slipped past you, stop right now and set yourself a goal for February. As big or as small as you like. But don’t let this next month be just another 28 (or is it 29?) days of the year. It is never too late to change direction… get back on the wagon… or insert other witty cliché here.

Dare to dream

So sleep regression is a thing?

January 24, 2016 Kaine Barton3 Comments

So, sleep regression is apparently a thing? A thing that happens to babies!

I never knew this…

I know about it now though. Not because I’m losing a lot of sleep. I’m losing some, but not a lot.

But I know about it mostly because poor Renee over the past nearly two weeks constantly feels like she has been run over by a truck. And she certainly isn’t shy when it comes to letting me know about it.

So with that, it would appear that Jesse is currently going through the 8 – 10 month sleep regression cycle. It’s common. But it’s tough.

Our once (fairly) good sleeper, has now turned into a monster when it comes to sleeping through the night. Monster is a strong word to use. But you get the drift.

Jesse had almost gotten to the point of sleeping through the night, waking maybe once or twice for some boob and then going back to sleep. Now however, after we think we’ve finally got him down for the night, he will wake up nearly hourly. But he doesn’t just wake up… he wakes up screaming and crying!

I hear him on occasions and it will wake me up. But poor Renee, is the one getting up to him to give him boob to calm him down. To give him cuddles to comfort him. To put him back to sleep only for her to have to get up again in another hour and do it all over again.

I know what you’re going to say, “Why don’t you take over for a night? Give Renee a break?”

I would… but it’s hard when Renee is the one with the boobs and that’s the only thing that’s going to calm him down at 3 am in the morning!

So with all that preamble, what I do want to say is this… Renee, I think you are amazing!

I think it’s amazing that you get up to him all night every night without wanting to wake me for help. I think you’re amazing that you can survive on so little sleep throughout the day without much complaint. I think you’re amazing for not blaming Jesse through this rough period because like me, you know he can’t help it. He’s just developing.

I think it’s amazing that you are able to do this night in and night out, when I would most likely have already cracked. I think that you’re an amazing super mum!

But I wan’t you to know that I am here for you. You can call on me for help. I want to help. Even if that’s just taking over Jesse duty throughout the day so that you can have a rest.

Don’t let it get you down though… this period will pass soon enough. And then we will have our sleepy bubba back.

I love you.

Sleep Regression

Photo Friday: Don’t Wake Grumpy

January 15, 2016 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So this past week in the Barton household has been a tough one.

We’ve had teething issues… We’ve had high temperatures… We’ve had heat rash… We’ve had loss of appetite… We’ve had uncontrollable crying… We’ve had tantrums… We’ve had pushing bottles away… We’ve had up the backers…

We’ve had a cranky, tired, unsettled bubba who was quite obviously not dealing with the nasty effects of teething.

All that said though, when he falls asleep… He still looks like the cutest, most peaceful, wonderful little man I ever lay eyes on!

We can’t wait for the poor little guy to get through this rough patch, getting back to his usual, happy go lucky self.

Stay At Home Mum Life: the good, the bad and the ugly

January 13, 2016October 17, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

Being a full time mum may seem like its all Netflix and coffee dates – swanning around the shops in your active wear sipping on a skinny chai latte. But they really are right when they say being a mum is the hardest job in the world. And I’m only 7 months in!

Okay, so there might be a fair bit of Netflix. Especially in those early newborn days. And yes, coffee is now a food group all of it’s own in my current diet… but there is more to it. We parents work bloody hard. Especially those that have jobs and kids to take care of!

So what’s it really like?

I’m gonna start with the ugly while it’s fresh in my mind. Yesterday was ugly! Our usually fairly chilled bub had suddenly become some sort of possessed, teething monster who only operated on two extremes. Screaming and inconsolable! Or snugly and super clingy! Okay, so the snugly clingy part wasn’t so bad, but it was the several plus hours of the inconsolable screaming beforehand that was the really ugly part. It’s the part of parenting where you pretty much lose your s*** but then feel really bad because you know its not their fault. You know your little one is not purposefully sending your blood pressure through the roof. They’re in pain. And they need their mummy. Thankfully, these really ugly days are few and far between.

And then there’s the bad. Hmmm, where do I start? Well, there’s the ongoing sleep deprivation. If you really want to mess someone up just wake them up every three hours. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. There are times where they let you go right back to sleep… But then there are times where they just smile up at you and giggle and make you play with them for an hour. When you get one of those “It’s 3am and I’m wide awake” smiles, it is incredibly frustrating and ridiculously cute all at the same time. And then there’s the poo under your finger nails, the vomit on your shirt just as your about to finally head out the door, the thinking you can hear the baby cry every time you get in the shower, and the song Peppa Pig sings about finding a friend for her pet goldfish Goldie that you JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!! “Fishy fishy fish fish, swimming in the sea. Who will be a fishy friend, for my fish Goldie?”

But then there’s the good. And it is, oh… so… good! It’s that uncontrollable urge to plant an inappropriate amount of kisses on that squishy face whenever it’s in close range. And what is it with baby feet that just makes you want to (ever so gently) bite them? Its the tiny warm body that fits perfectly on your chest as his gently rises and falls with each breath while he sleeps. And even the now not-so-tiny body that still manages to fit just right. Its the chubby little arms that learn to reach out for his mama whenever she walks by. Its the chubby little legs that kick out as you tickle him under his neck and arms. And that throaty laughter that may just be the sweetest sound in the world.

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There is oh so much good. And the best part is, you only need one good moment to outweigh a whole day of ugly moments (and thank God for that, otherwise we’d never deliberately procreate!).

But with all of that, and despite the fact that being a parent really is the hardest job in the world… we wouldn’t trade it in for anything would we mum’s and dad’s? I love the fact that I am a stay at home mum. And I know there will come a time when my boy will be grown and no longer need me to give him my everything so I will try to treasure it all, the good, the bad… and the ugly, while I can. It sure is tough, but it’s also so incredibly rewarding and fun.

So hold your heads up high stay at home mums and dads… You have the best job in the world!

Footage Friday: 6 Month Milestones

January 8, 2016January 8, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

Before we got sucked into the void that was Christmas and New Year’s we recorded Jesse’s six month milestones video.

We reckon it was our hardest month yet that we’ve experienced as parents. There were tears and tantrums a plenty and that was just from us!

There was a leap, teething, bottle refusal, cluster feeds, night waking (more so than usual) and a screaming match before bed almost every night.

But, we made it through. Check out the video below.

What kept you sane during the tough months?

We’re back: Christmas & New Year Wrap Up (no pun intended)

January 6, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

And we’re back!

We kind of fell off the radar for a while there amongst the Christmas and New Year black hole. Those two weeks where you don’t even know what day of the week it is and you wind up eating and drinking waaaay too much!

So here’s a little catch up…

Jesse’s first Christmas was so enjoyable. He received loads of pressies from family and friends though he mostly just enjoyed eating the wrapping paper! He got an extra special gift on Christmas morning… the most adorable, (and sharp!) little, white toothy-peg peering up from his bottom gum.

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We followed that up with our annual New Year’s trip to the Bunya Mountains. We basically ate ourselves stupid for 5 days and enjoyed the company of some family in one of the many beautiful houses there. See what we got up to here.

Let me just say, staying up until midnight to greet the new year is certainly a lot more difficult these days. Perhaps the last seven months of broken sleep and a significant decrease in alcohol intake has something to do with it!

Despite that though, we did manage to ring in 2016 and it is shaping up to be an incredible year.

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We have already kicked off the year with some spring cleaning (is it still called that if it is in 30 degree summer heat?) at home starting with our home office. After it being the place I spent eight hours a day for the last five years working as a business consultant (before becoming a Mum), I will not be returning to my job next month as we had originally planned.

Instead I will be embarking on an exciting new venture with Jesse as my business partner. More on that to come but we are very excited and for us as a family, it feels like one of those opportunities that crops up at just the right time and though completely different to the original plan, ends up being a perfect fit.

We also have some big plans for NSSLOU this year too. We thank you so much for supporting us so far. With so much content on the interweb we really do appreciate you taking the time to read our little diddies and share your personal experiences and words of encouragement with us.

When we started this project we wanted to create something unique. A space to not only share our parenting experiences but also bring together all elements of our life: parenthood, married life, work, fun, travel and adventure as a collective that is the ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’. In the hopes that we might be able to bring a little bit of sunshine to your day, make you laugh (or cry) and maybe provide us all with a little bit of comfort that we aren’t the only ones when it comes to life’s many twists and turns. So hopefully we are doing that and can continue to as we embark on the second half of our first year as parents.

We are so excited for the year ahead. We hope in amongst all the festive season fun you too have found some time to reflect on the year that was and plan for 2016. Give yourself permission to dream up some weird and wonderful goals for the year and make it your best year yet!

Happy New Year!

You Know You’re A Parent When…

December 16, 2015December 16, 2015 Renee Barton1 Comment

There are many tell-tale signs that you have become a parent. Some are obvious. Yes, that small human being that’s constantly hanging around you now is your child. And some that may have happened subtly over time. Like the increase of toys scattered on the lounge room floor and the ever-growing dark circles under your eyes.

We have certainly noticed a lot of changes in our lives since becoming parents. And we’re only six months in!

So here’s what I’ve found.

You know you’re a parent when…

Tired is the new normal. You can’t actually remember what it feels like to have a night of uninterrupted sleep. The next time you get to do it might be years away, but you know you will never take a full night sleep for granted again.
There is a mini, makeshift bed on the floor next to yours. Though it may only act as a deterrent and it may only last for a few hours before they inevitably end up in your bed anyway, it’s good while it lasts.
6.30am is now considered a sleep in. What happened to those people that used to sleep in til 10am on Sunday mornings?? Now by 7am your child has kicked you in the ribs, punched you in face and pulled your hair until you gave in and got up. And by 10am you’ve managed to feed and clothe everyone, do two loads of laundry, wash up all the bottles, change clothes again due to a vomit or poop explosion, sing ‘five little Ducks’ three times and if you’re lucky, get ready to leave the house.
Coffee and wine are practically food groups. Or insert other caffeinated / alcohol laden vices here.
Kids shows now grace your television screen for several hours a day. And you sing along with all of the theme songs! Those things are catchy as hell and you find yourself humming them long after the show finished.
Having someone else’s vomit or poop or wee or snot or dribble on you is now commonplace and no big deal.
You narrate EVERYTHING all whilst referring to yourself in the third person. ‘Mummy is just going to go to the toilet and then I’ll be right back to pick you up ok?’
You now talk to your spouse through baby talk with the baby. ‘Mummy thinks Daddy should go and change your nappy so Mummy can have a rest’.
Your camera roll that was once filled with photos of food, travel snaps and drunken selfies is now full of photos of your kid. Often multiples of the almost exact same photo!
You find yourself suddenly much more tolerant of other people’s children. That toddler throwing themselves on the ground at the shops is no longer the spectacle it once was. Instead you are just thankful it’s not your kid this time as you give the parents a knowing smile.

And, for good measure, number 11 is that despite all this you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even on the toughest days a smile, giggle or cuddle from the small human makes being a parent totally awesome.

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A friend said to me recently that of all the people she knows who have children, none of them have ever said ‘Oh, don’t do it, it’s not really worth it’.

I was oddly comforted as I realised she was right. I too have never heard any parents say it wasn’t worth it.

So while it might be bloody hard at times, anything worth doing usually is.

The Four Gift Rule

December 13, 2015 Kaine Barton1 Comment

This Christmas, is our first as parents.

This Christmas, is Jesse’s first.

This Christmas, is not going to be like any other Christmas’ we have ever had before… and we can’t wait!

Christmas with children is fun. We’ve seen the movies! And we remember what Christmas was like when we we’re kids. It was the best time of year! Waking up to find all the presents Santa had delivered, under the Christmas tree waiting for us to open them.

And even spending time with some of our family who have kids. Just seeing the absolute joy on their faces at Christmas time when they get to open Christmas gifts from Santa and loved ones.

But how much is too much? How do you not go too overboard when getting gifts for your children.

I was recently talking to my sister-in-law who told me about this great tradition that they’ve implemented for gift giving at Christmas. The four gift rule.

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When we were talking about it, I absolutely loved the idea of the four gift rule. For a lot of reasons, but mainly because it’s a simple tradition that we can start this Christmas, and keep for many more Christmas’ to come!