Category: Feelings

God, The Universe And Taylor Swift

Renee Barton1 Comment

On Saturday night my bestie and I saw Taylor Swift in concert for the second time. With grins from ear to ear we fist pumped, squealed like 12 year old girls and sang along to every word, loving every minute. We may have brought up the age average significantly, and I’m pretty sure I was sitting next to a ‘chaperone Dad’, but we had an amazing time. 

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There was a strange feeling about the night though. I put it down to this… Two years ago almost to the day we were standing in that same stadium seeing Taylor for the first time. I was so excited to be seeing her, but at the same time I had a little cloud over my head. It had been following me around for a while. At that time two years ago, we had been trying to have a baby for nearly 12 months.

At the same time, we were also planning a trip to Europe with said bestie and her now husband. We had agreed to give ourselves until the end of the year to conceive; if we weren’t pregnant, we’d book the trip. We were incredibly excited about the possibility of going to Europe for the first time and the adventures we would have there, but we also desperately wanted a baby as well.

Fast forward two years and the woman who stood in the stadium this time is now a mother of a beautiful 6 month old baby boy. Plus, we did get to go on that Euro trip. And life could not be better.

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It may not have all happened according to my plan but this way was so much better.

Call it God, the universe, whatever; sometimes we just have to trust that it’s plan will unfold with the perfect timing.

 

Our Biggest Parenting Challenge Yet

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

In the past, both on this blog and in general conversation with people we know, we have often talked about how Jesse is a really cruisy baby. And about how lucky we have been because he’s such a happy baby.

“Nah, he hardly ever cries”, we would say. “He’s a pretty chilled baby”.

Well, all that has changed. Our once chilled, happy, easy going baby has turned into a restless, upset, cranky, screaming bubba that is often hard to settle. The culprit? Based on all the evidence we have and research we’ve undertaken, the most likely explanation is that he is starting to go through teething.

So with that, I would like to say that this past week of parenting for us, has been hard. Hard because after becoming accustomed to having such a happy, well behaved baby for the better part of the past 6 months, it has been a little difficult coming to terms with and adjusting to a baby that is cranky and unsettled a lot of the time.

But while it has been hard for us both, it has been especially hard for Renee. When you are a stay-at-home mum and have a baby that demands your full attention for so much of the day and night, it can start to take its toll. But Renee has soldiered on. Being a pillar of support for Jesse and also being a rock for me when I get stressed. And for this reason, words can’t even begin to express my gratitude toward Renee for this.

That said, there is one (huge) thing that both Renee and I need to consider and reflect on. And that is that Jesse is not doing this just for the hell of it. He is not putting us through our paces as parents just because he feels like it. Jesse is genuinely upset, unhappy, and in pain.

When he is uncontrollably crying and just won’t settle down no matter what we try. It’s because he is in discomfort and in pain.

When he keeps waking up every couple of hours during the night because he is unsettled. It’s because he just wants a cuddle and to be comforted.

When he won’t settle in my arms no matter what I do, but will stop crying when he gets his mummy. I need to realise that it’s not that he doesn’t like me. It’s just that he wants his mummy at that moment. Mostly I think, because mummy has the boobs.

And when he won’t take his bottle no matter how many different ways we try to give it to him. It’s because his gums are sensitive and hurt. But taking comfort in knowing that he is still getting nourishment through puree’s and mummy’s boobs.

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We know that babies have limited communication skills. So when it comes to communicating with mums and dads, the only thing babies can really do is cry. And for this reason, we do know that for the moment, the constant crying and unsettled nature is just his way of communicating that something is just not quite right.

I will at this point say this. We aren’t naive about the struggles of having a newborn. We are well aware that there will be parents out there that have had unsettled babies since they were born. Babies with colic. Babies with reflux. The fact that we are going through this rough patch isn’t even a blip compared to what some parents go through with their own babies.

And these parents in our eyes, deserve to be commended. We can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to have a baby that cries all the time. You must be super parents to be able to navigate your way through the days with a constantly unsettled bubba.

I hereby dub you ‘Super Mum’ and ‘Super Dad’! High five!

I know that the mere fact we have had such a happy and healthy baby leading up to this dreaded teething period has been an absolute blessing. And really, in the grand scheme of things, we really don’t have anything to complain about. And despite the fact that he is going through an unsettled period, he still does give us glimpses of his usual self (happy go lucky Jesse), he is healthy, and he is still bloody cute.

But it’s still tough… Being first time parents and never experiencing this before, ever, and trying to get a grasp of and work through this rough period with Jesse is tough. But I have absolute faith that together, as a unit, we are strong and will work through it and come out the other side with an even happier baby than we had before.

And to all my fellow mums and dads out there (especially the first timers)… we got this! We can do this! And if there is only one thing that you get from this post, I hope it’s that you are not alone in your struggles! Everyone goes through rough patches.

So let’s support each other and get through this together!

We got this!

6 Things I Won’t Miss About Breastfeeding (and 6 that I will)

Renee BartonLeave a comment

It is probably a little taboo to talk about breastfeeding in a negative way. And I’m in no way intending to disrespect those that are unable to for whatever reason.

So let me just say I love breastfeeding my baby and feel incredibly lucky that I’ve been able to do so (read about my breastfeeding story here). But there are certainly a few things that I won’t miss when the time comes for us to move on from it.

Things like:

  1. Having to wear a bra 24/7 and being limited to nursing bras at that.
  2. Having to wear breast pads in said bras to avoid unsightly wet patches.
  3. Being limited to outfits that provide easy access to my boobs. I’m really looking forward to being able to wear the other 70% of my wardrobe!
  4. An inquisitive baby craning his neck to smile at his dad, or glimpse at his favourite TV show with nipple still in his mouth (ouch!).
  5. The 5 times a night feeds during his leaps.
  6. Being handed a cranky baby with the comment “I think he wants boob” (like its the magic cure for everything).

Having said that there are some things I definitely will miss.

Things like:

  1. That it is pretty much the magic cure for everything (from hunger to conjunctivitis…who knew!)
  2. The gentle strokes on my arm or breast or the foot that gently lands on my arm from a contented little boy as he feeds.
  3. Gorgeous cheeky grins as he looks up at me mid-feed, milk spilling from his smile.
  4. The convenience of being able to sleep whilst feeding throughout the night (we can regularly be found asleep in the nursing chair at 5am, boob out).
  5. Marvelling at how a body that once fit snug in the crook of one arm is now stretching over my entire lap.
  6. Being the only one who can provide that comforting feeling that breastfeeding brings for my son (though this can also take its toll when you feel like you haven’t left the couch in 4 days).

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I know that when that last feed happens, though I probably won’t know its the last feed at the time, that I will no doubt feel a bit sad that its over. But there is part of me that won’t mind to have my body back, be able to let ‘the girls’ roam free if I feel and be able to wear a dress again (one that doesn’t require buttons or the ability to slip down).

The Power of Positive Parenting

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

The other week, I had the pleasure of attended a number of seminars for work based around health and wealth. One of the sessions I was grateful for the opportunity to attend on the day, was called ‘The Power of Positive Parenting’.

This session, which was presented by Professor Matt Sanders, was about an initiative called the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). More specifically, what it is… how it works… how we can get involved… and how it can benefit families with young children.

So what is Triple P? Well, if you look at the official website it says that “Triple P helps you manage your child’s behaviour, emotions and development in a way that isn’t hurtful. You will build strong relationships, communicate well and encourage the kind of behaviour you want to see. Triple P is one of the few parenting programs in the world with evidence to show it works for most families.”

It certainly sounded like Triple P was something that both Renee and I would be interested in, particularly because it seemed to reflect our own thoughts and feelings on the style of parenting we wanted to implement in Jesse’s upbringing.

The Triple P website mentions that when implementing the positive parenting program, there are five key principles. These principles are:

  1. Create a safe, interesting environment
  2. Have a positive learning environment
  3. Use assertive discipline
  4. Have realistic expectations
  5. Take care of yourself as a parent

At the session, Professor Sanders was able to expand on what these principles are, and what they involve for parents looking to raise their children in a safe and positive environment. And with every principle he covered, I started to admire the Triple P philosophy and program more and more. It really got me thinking about the discussions Renee and I have had regarding how we wanted to approach parenting. I then began to see how this positive parenting approach could work in with our approach.

Professor Sanders also covered off on a lot of parenting examples that are taught through the Triple P program. And while they are certainly too long to list in a blog post, the examples he gave really spoke to me. A lot of these examples were things that Renee and I had previously discussed, with the intention of implementing them into our parenting style and approach.

Things like the fact that a lot of positive praise is okay!

That you make family a priority and make sure you give your children your full attention at least once every day. Even if it is only for a couple of minutes, while they show you something they have done.

Encourage your child’s learning. Don’t solve every problem for them. Talk to them and run through how they might be able to solve it on their own.

Use consistent and assertive discipline. Don’t be aggressive. If they do misbehave, ask them questions like “how do you think what you just did impacts on others?”

And always create a warm, loving and safe environment which encourages your children to shine.

While I have often heard of being a peaceful parent, I will admit that this session was the first time I had heard of the term, being a positive parent. And while many of the strategies and principles may be very similar between these two parenting styles, I really think that a blend of the two is what Renee and I are aiming for with our parenting approach to Jesse.

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And while I can sit here as I type this and say that yes, this is absolutely the strategy that Renee and I are going to use in raising Jesse… the fact is that we will still get things wrong. We will still make mistakes. And we also understand that parenting needs to be fluid. You might have a parenting game plan, but you will need to adapt and be willing to make it up on the fly.

But what we have both come to realise, is that having a good foundation to build upon is a great way to approach parenting. And that is what Triple P is offering. A foundation for us to build upon. Somewhere to start. Because being that we are new parents, this is a whole new world for us.

And the best thing of all, is the information we have that is right at our fingertips. Available on-line. Anywhere… Any time… The perfect companion while we tackle this epic new adventure of being first time parents.

And while this whole parenting thing at the moment is pretty much a breeze (on account of the fact that Jesse is still just a little too young to be rebelling against anything except for pureed sweet potato), I know that the strategies we learn today through the Triple P program, will come in very handy in the future.

There is one thing I know for sure though. And that is that I am very excited about raising Jesse to be the man that I know he can and will be.

Parenting: The Ultimate Test In Team Work

Renee BartonLeave a comment

After kind of a rough morning, it is now Jesse’s nap time and all is quiet in the house.

For a moment I think about how I’d love to just flop on the couch, switch on some Netflix and just mentally recharge before round two. And then I look over to the kitchen and notice the bottles that need washing up. I then remember that load of baby clothes that’s still in the machine that need hanging up to dry. And my thoughts then turn to my next blog post which unfortunately isn’t going to write itself.

Nap time then becomes a mission to get as much done as humanly possible before he wakes up and the cycle starts again.

I tell you what… they are right when they say that being a mum is the most rewarding yet most difficult job in the world! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. As hard as it is on some days for the stay-at-home parent, it is equally as challenging for the one who’s at work all day.

On mornings like we had today, when Jesse is upset and crying for reasons that I can’t quite figure out, I not only have to soothe him, but I also find myself reassuring Kaine that everything is OK. This is partly my own fault, because he wouldn’t even know  if it weren’t for the fact I keep him up to date via text messages and Snapchats throughout the day.

It is mostly good news and cute pics. But when its not, I know that his natural ‘worry wart’ tendencies are even more exacerbated due to him not being able to be here to see or help Jesse first hand.

The plus side of having a partner to navigate this whole parenting maze with is that we balance each other out. If Kaine’s freaking out over something then I try to stay calm so that I can talk him down and be the voice of reason and positivity. And goodness knows he has had to talk me off a ledge a time or two as well. That said, it doesn’t always work out that way and there are occasions when we disagree or simply not know the right action to take.

Being married is one thing but raising a human with another person is the ultimate test in team work. Its no longer just about where the toothpaste tube gets squeezed from, which way the toilet paper goes on the holder or who hogs the sheets at night. We now have to work together to take care of a baby.

Suddenly we’re needing to make all these decisions and we both are desperately trying to get it right and take care of our little man the best we can. I swear every time I run the bath for Jesse, Kaine will ask if the temperature is okay before putting him in. And, probably equally annoying for Kaine is when I come swooping in to console a tired, cranky bub even though he is doing a great job of it himself.

Of course it is not that we are judging each other or that we don’t trust each other’s decisions. We just so badly want to do an exceptional job at raising our little human, and any future little humans that my join our family, that sometimes it all get’s just a little overwhelming.

That said, even though it can be really hard and overwhelming at times, we know its only because we care so much. For our boy. For each other. And about being the best and most exceptional parent we can be.

But at the end of the day, when it comes to our values and our desire to be peaceful, positive parents… We are 100% on the same page. And that is what makes us work!

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Photo: Renee Trubai | Teething Jewellery: Nature Bubz

Finding and Pursuing My Passion

Kaine Barton2 Comments

Recently, I published a blog post about how I’ve developed a new passion for photography.

Discovering a passion for photography just seemed like a natural step to me. It just kind of fit. When I already had a keen interest in videography (insert shameless YouTube plug here) and digital media, photography just clicked into place like the missing piece of the puzzle. And it definitely lends itself to the work that I do for this crazy ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us (NSSLOU)’ project that Renee and I started.

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So it’s not hard to imagine that the talk around our household over the past few weeks, has focused heavily on photography and pursuing our collective passions further.

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Coincidentally (or bizarrely enough if you will), while Renee was catching up with my brother’s wife (Anita) over lunch the other week, they started talking about pursuing your passion/s. But the twist to the conversation was, pursuing your passion/s whilst working a relatively normal day job.

While they talked, Anita made mention of an article that she had recently stumbled across that gives the reader a slap in the face about finding and pursuing your passion in life. In the article titled ‘Screw Finding Your Passion’, the following questions really caught not only Anita’s attention, but also mine.

“Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every f***ing second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world tuned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?”

Wow… Just… Wow…

This could quite possibly be the most philosophical and relevant thing I’ve read for years. It was like he was writing this specifically for me. A feeling that I know Anita shared.

All this time, without even knowing it, I was doing exactly what he was talking about in his article. I have been pursuing my passions in photography and digital media in my free time alongside my job.

What I had failed to recognise, is that I am incredibly lucky to have been able to do this. I am fortunate to have a good, steady job, regardless of the fact that it isn’t directly related to my passions in life. I am fortunate enough to have found what my passions are. And I am even more fortunate to be able to pursue these passions in my spare time.

What I was guilty of however, is falling into the trap that most people fall into. The trap of thinking that I needed to be making money doing what I love, to be seen as truly following my passions.

Quite simply, this is not the case.

Like many of you out there who are working on your own projects in your area of interest, when Renee and I started our NSSLOU project, we had a clear vision as to what we would like it to become in the future.

But, because the future was increasingly becoming all I thought about… Because I was constantly thinking about how we could turn this into something that we were getting paid for… I lost sight of why we started NSSLOU in the first place.

The NSSLOU was always, and still is, an avenue for me to “work” in the areas I’m passionate about and share it with the world.

It was a way to document our lives for our future generations to look back on (slide night anyone) to see what life was like when we started and raised a family.

It was a way to share our stories and experiences with everyday people in the hope that maybe someday, someone out there read one of our posts and realised that hey, they weren’t the only ones who went through this or that. And they certainly aren’t alone in this crazy journey we call parenthood and life.

So after coming to these realisations, I have come to understand that I need to stop thinking about turning the NSSLOU into a paying job. And what I need to do, is get that enjoyment and fulfilment back that I had when we first started this crazy ride that is the NSSLOU. I need to get back to really enjoying my passions without the stress of worrying about the fact that it’s not paying us money.

So what does getting back to enjoying my passions mean to me?

Well, it means that I want to get out and take all those amazing photographs on our new camera that I’ve often thought about… I want to film and edit those amazing video ideas I’ve had but have never started work on… I want to get back to being proud of my writing and blogging right here on NSSLOU.

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I have even gone as far as thinking about going back to do some study in the fields I am passionate about. So much so that I have found some courses that I am interested in that are available through SAE Creative Media Institute and The Academy of Design.

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But I wouldn’t be going back to study for my career (although if an opportunity presented itself I am sure I would consider it). I would be going back to study purely for fun. Purely because I love photography and videography and digital media, so why not go back to study it to better my skills.

You often hear people say, ‘there’s no time like the present’ or, ‘there’s no better day to start than today’. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So, today marks the day that I get back to really enjoying our NSSLOU project. Today marks the day that I get back to really enjoying my passions.

Don’t get me wrong though… The vision we have for the future of this crazy NSSLOU journey we are on is still there. And there is nothing to say that this vision won’t come true.

But for the moment, I have come to realise that first and foremost, I can enjoy working on our NSSLOU project and my passions purely for fun.

Whatever comes in the future, comes. I will be ready for it.

Dear Paris…

Kaine Barton2 Comments

Dear Paris,

I can’t even begin to understand how you are feeling after these most recent terror attacks that have absolutely shattered you to your core.

I know that I am but a singular blip in this big, big world of ours. And that my thoughts and feelings will likely just get lost in the waves of sympathy and support that you will be getting from many around the world.

But I feel like I want to tell you… that I need to tell you… that we love you and that our thoughts and prayers are with you during this terrible, terrible time.

We have seen your beautiful country. And Paris, you were absolutely lovely. We loved everything about you. Your beautiful city… your majestic Eiffel Tower… your food… your amazing people… your wonderful French language…

You opened your doors and allowed us in to catch but a glimpse of what is one of the most beautiful cities we have ever seen. One of the most amazing cultures we have ever experienced. And allowed us to have what was, one of the best weeks of our lives.

I do not understand why anyone… anywhere… would want to lay harm to you Paris. And all I can say right now, is that you most definitely didn’t deserve this.

The city of love rocked by acts of hate. Cowardly acts of hate.

But if there is one thing I do know Paris, it’s that you are not just beautiful… You are strong. You are resilient. You are united.

I know that you have the strength to get through this. Not only together, but also with the rest of the world right behind you. I know you will come back from this stronger than ever. More united than ever. And more resilient than ever.

Paris, you will recover from this. And both Renee and I, along with the whole world, will continue to send our thoughts and prayers and help, until your wounds have fully healed.

We will continue, to pray for you Paris.

And we will see you in all your glory again… one day in the future.

-NSSLOU

Pray for Paris

Putting A Stop To ‘Mummy Guilt’

Renee Barton4 Comments

I first heard the term ‘mummy guilt’ a number of years ago when an otherwise lovely acquaintance said to me “oh, you don’t know about mummy guilt yet”. Immediately I hated the term and I had to refrain myself from leaning over the table and strangling her as I geared up for yet another “just you wait ’til you have kids” speech.

Now, I am a mum. And while I get that being a parent is a massive learning curve, and we probably get it wrong more times than we get it right, I’m still not a fan of the concept of mummy guilt.

It’s not that I don’t relate to the thing they call mummy guilt (I may have even experienced it on occasion). I mean, we all want to do what is best for our children right? But a lot of the time our expectations are very different to reality.

At the end of the day, I hate that there are so many awesome mums (and dads) out there that are spending precious time and energy feeling guilty about what they are, or are not doing.

The dreaded guilty feeling can rear its ugly head in many ways… but for some reason, more often than not, it seems this mummy guilt stuff is directly linked between work and time with our babies. That ever elusive work / life balance.

There’s the stay at home mum that dreams about her former self kicking butt on the corporate ladder. She might feel guilty for sometimes wanting to be a career woman again. Or maybe she feels guilty that she’s no longer contributing to the household finances.

There’s the mum who had to go back to work. Maybe she needed to go back for financial reasons or perhaps she would have lost her job if she didn’t. And every morning she reluctantly leaves her child in someone else’s care as she wishes she could turn the car around and go back to their happy little bubble at home.

Then there’s the mum who went back to work because she wanted too. She absolutely loves her children, but she also loves her career. And she wakes up every morning feeling guilty that she might be putting her career before her children.

None of these choices make us bad mums (or dads). So why is it that we let this pesky guilt get the better of us??

What makes this phenomenon even harder to deal with is the fact that for some strange reason, some women seem to almost enjoy critiquing other people’s parenting choices. Perhaps it helps them to ease their own guilt for a moment. But wouldn’t a better solution be to just accept and embrace and be grateful that we do have so many choices available to us?

So let’s just all agree to STOP!!! Stop feeling guilty all the time! And while we’re at it stop judging each other and comparing ourselves to others.

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To the mum who works outside the home and has to put their children in care, you are teaching them that you can have a successful career and a successful family life. You are teaching them about work ethic, responsibility, and finance. You are teaching them that they too, can have a career and a family and succeed at both. You are teaching them to make friends and make connections with others. You are teaching them independence.

To the stay at home mum, you are instilling into your children your own values and ethics, not someone else’s. You are teaching them that making a worthy contribution doesn’t necessarily have to be in the form of a job. You are reading to them, playing with them and teaching them skills that you consider to be important in life.

In the end, whatever your circumstances are, the best advice I can give is that you just need to do your best and own it. No matter what.

And if no one has told you yet today… you are doing a great job mama!

Milk Drunk Love Stories: Our Breastfeeding Journey, Part II

Renee Barton1 Comment

Last week I wrote about taking part in a new project all about the ways in which we nourish our children.

Nourish: Milk Drunk Love Stories is a project curated by photographer Renee Trubai and she kindly asked if we would share our story of our feeding experiences with Jesse.

You can read our full story here on her blog.

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Renee is looking for others to share their stories too so don’t be shy if you feel you have a story to tell.

Jesse’s First Swim

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Spring time in Queensland is glorious. So we definitely wanted to take advantage of this amazing weather with a road trip today.

So we packed the car, bundled Jesse up and hit the road to the big smoke for a Caravan and Camping Show and then for lunch and a swim at South Bank.

As you would have read previously, we are in the early stages of planning a big trip around Australia. So when we found out there was a caravan and camping show sale on just outside the Brisbane CBD, we definitely wanted to head in for a look.

But the best part of the day was when we headed over the Brisbane River to South Bank for lunch and a swim. Jesse’s first swim. And it was the perfect opportunity to try our new camera outdoors (since the weather has been rainy and overcast for the past week). We couldn’t wait.

After absolutely demolishing a couple of burgers for lunch, and feeding Jesse his puréed fruit, it was time to jump into the pool to cool off. Jump in for Jesse’s first swim. A swim we knew Jesse was going to love.

And love it he did. He didn’t flinch one bit when Renee took him into the water. And he didn’t complain once while he was in there. Instead, just after i’d finished taking the photos that you can see below, he fell asleep in the water. He really must have loved the cool water against his hot skin.

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It was so cute seeing him enjoying his first swim. Even if it meant that he didn’t enjoy it for very long on account of him falling asleep. But it was great to have such beautiful weather that we could actually get outside and enjoy spring in Brisbane.

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After our little swim, we decided to head off and have a wander through the South Bank markets. Our little family. The three of us, out on a Sunday enjoying the outdoors together.

Before we had Jesse I would look at little families and often think, they look like a nice family. I wonder if young couples look at us now and think the same thing?

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After having such a great day out, on the way home in the car discussion turned to how we should actually get out and enjoy the great outdoors more often. There are YouTubers we watch that are always getting out and enjoying the outdoors. Whether that be just walking around enjoying the sun, or getting our for a skate, bike ride or mountain climbing.

And I even know a few people at my work who are always out and about on weekends. Sharing photos of their latest adventures on Instagram and Facebook.

We came to the conclusion that it doesn’t really cost any money to go out on adventures like that. And that it is definitely something we need to do a lot more of. Especially now that we have such a nice camera to use.

So where do you go on adventures to? Where is your favourite place outdoors to visit? What suggestions could you give us for our next adventure as a family?

As I finish off this post, all I can think about is how excited I am for our next outdoors adventure as a family. #family #love