Diary of a Lonely Dad: Day 1

January 17, 2016 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Dear Diary,

This morning, I dropped Renee and Jesse off at the airport.

They are heading down to Melbourne together for a course that Renee is doing for her new business that she will be starting in February.

This is the last photo I have of them…

Airport Drop Off

So far today, without them, my day has looked like this:

Played some GTA V on the Playstation.
Took a trip to Bunnings.
Sprayed Weed and Feed on the lawn.
Picked up the dog s***.
Washed some clothes.
Vacuumed and mopped the floors.
Played some more GTA V on the Playstation.
Went to Dan Murphy’s for beer.
Updated my 365 diary.
And now writing this post.

I’m kind of lost on what to do now. Do I play more GTA V? Do I watch a movie? Do I drink in the dark by myself, wallowing in the misery of not having Renee and Jesse here.

COME BACK… PLEASE COME BACK!!!

No, I’ll be fine.

NO, I MISS YOU BOTH TOO MUCH! I KNOW IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 8 HOURS, AND I’M GONE FOR LONGER WHEN I’M AT WORK… BUT I NEED YOU.

Nope, It’s fine Kaine. You can do this. There’s meals in the fridge. You’re going to work all week. So that will keep you occupied. You’ve got seasons 1 to 5 of Game of Thrones to watch. You will be fine.

BUT I MISS THEM!

Come on… Pull yourself together man!

I’M TRYING!!!

Try harder!

OKAY.

Good… Now, go grab yourself another beer, and go watch some Game of Thrones or play some more GTA V. You love playing GTA V. Go on…

ALRIGHT… BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU SAY SO.

Geez… What a loser. Only the first day and he is carrying on like this. God help us by the time we get to Wednesday!

-K

Photo Friday: Don’t Wake Grumpy

January 15, 2016 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So this past week in the Barton household has been a tough one.

We’ve had teething issues… We’ve had high temperatures… We’ve had heat rash… We’ve had loss of appetite… We’ve had uncontrollable crying… We’ve had tantrums… We’ve had pushing bottles away… We’ve had up the backers…

We’ve had a cranky, tired, unsettled bubba who was quite obviously not dealing with the nasty effects of teething.

All that said though, when he falls asleep… He still looks like the cutest, most peaceful, wonderful little man I ever lay eyes on!

We can’t wait for the poor little guy to get through this rough patch, getting back to his usual, happy go lucky self.

Stay At Home Mum Life: the good, the bad and the ugly

January 13, 2016October 17, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

Being a full time mum may seem like its all Netflix and coffee dates – swanning around the shops in your active wear sipping on a skinny chai latte. But they really are right when they say being a mum is the hardest job in the world. And I’m only 7 months in!

Okay, so there might be a fair bit of Netflix. Especially in those early newborn days. And yes, coffee is now a food group all of it’s own in my current diet… but there is more to it. We parents work bloody hard. Especially those that have jobs and kids to take care of!

So what’s it really like?

I’m gonna start with the ugly while it’s fresh in my mind. Yesterday was ugly! Our usually fairly chilled bub had suddenly become some sort of possessed, teething monster who only operated on two extremes. Screaming and inconsolable! Or snugly and super clingy! Okay, so the snugly clingy part wasn’t so bad, but it was the several plus hours of the inconsolable screaming beforehand that was the really ugly part. It’s the part of parenting where you pretty much lose your s*** but then feel really bad because you know its not their fault. You know your little one is not purposefully sending your blood pressure through the roof. They’re in pain. And they need their mummy. Thankfully, these really ugly days are few and far between.

And then there’s the bad. Hmmm, where do I start? Well, there’s the ongoing sleep deprivation. If you really want to mess someone up just wake them up every three hours. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. There are times where they let you go right back to sleep… But then there are times where they just smile up at you and giggle and make you play with them for an hour. When you get one of those “It’s 3am and I’m wide awake” smiles, it is incredibly frustrating and ridiculously cute all at the same time. And then there’s the poo under your finger nails, the vomit on your shirt just as your about to finally head out the door, the thinking you can hear the baby cry every time you get in the shower, and the song Peppa Pig sings about finding a friend for her pet goldfish Goldie that you JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!! “Fishy fishy fish fish, swimming in the sea. Who will be a fishy friend, for my fish Goldie?”

But then there’s the good. And it is, oh… so… good! It’s that uncontrollable urge to plant an inappropriate amount of kisses on that squishy face whenever it’s in close range. And what is it with baby feet that just makes you want to (ever so gently) bite them? Its the tiny warm body that fits perfectly on your chest as his gently rises and falls with each breath while he sleeps. And even the now not-so-tiny body that still manages to fit just right. Its the chubby little arms that learn to reach out for his mama whenever she walks by. Its the chubby little legs that kick out as you tickle him under his neck and arms. And that throaty laughter that may just be the sweetest sound in the world.

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There is oh so much good. And the best part is, you only need one good moment to outweigh a whole day of ugly moments (and thank God for that, otherwise we’d never deliberately procreate!).

But with all of that, and despite the fact that being a parent really is the hardest job in the world… we wouldn’t trade it in for anything would we mum’s and dad’s? I love the fact that I am a stay at home mum. And I know there will come a time when my boy will be grown and no longer need me to give him my everything so I will try to treasure it all, the good, the bad… and the ugly, while I can. It sure is tough, but it’s also so incredibly rewarding and fun.

So hold your heads up high stay at home mums and dads… You have the best job in the world!

We’re back: Christmas & New Year Wrap Up (no pun intended)

January 6, 2016 Renee BartonLeave a comment

And we’re back!

We kind of fell off the radar for a while there amongst the Christmas and New Year black hole. Those two weeks where you don’t even know what day of the week it is and you wind up eating and drinking waaaay too much!

So here’s a little catch up…

Jesse’s first Christmas was so enjoyable. He received loads of pressies from family and friends though he mostly just enjoyed eating the wrapping paper! He got an extra special gift on Christmas morning… the most adorable, (and sharp!) little, white toothy-peg peering up from his bottom gum.

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We followed that up with our annual New Year’s trip to the Bunya Mountains. We basically ate ourselves stupid for 5 days and enjoyed the company of some family in one of the many beautiful houses there. See what we got up to here.

Let me just say, staying up until midnight to greet the new year is certainly a lot more difficult these days. Perhaps the last seven months of broken sleep and a significant decrease in alcohol intake has something to do with it!

Despite that though, we did manage to ring in 2016 and it is shaping up to be an incredible year.

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We have already kicked off the year with some spring cleaning (is it still called that if it is in 30 degree summer heat?) at home starting with our home office. After it being the place I spent eight hours a day for the last five years working as a business consultant (before becoming a Mum), I will not be returning to my job next month as we had originally planned.

Instead I will be embarking on an exciting new venture with Jesse as my business partner. More on that to come but we are very excited and for us as a family, it feels like one of those opportunities that crops up at just the right time and though completely different to the original plan, ends up being a perfect fit.

We also have some big plans for NSSLOU this year too. We thank you so much for supporting us so far. With so much content on the interweb we really do appreciate you taking the time to read our little diddies and share your personal experiences and words of encouragement with us.

When we started this project we wanted to create something unique. A space to not only share our parenting experiences but also bring together all elements of our life: parenthood, married life, work, fun, travel and adventure as a collective that is the ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’. In the hopes that we might be able to bring a little bit of sunshine to your day, make you laugh (or cry) and maybe provide us all with a little bit of comfort that we aren’t the only ones when it comes to life’s many twists and turns. So hopefully we are doing that and can continue to as we embark on the second half of our first year as parents.

We are so excited for the year ahead. We hope in amongst all the festive season fun you too have found some time to reflect on the year that was and plan for 2016. Give yourself permission to dream up some weird and wonderful goals for the year and make it your best year yet!

Happy New Year!

Home Sweet Home

December 23, 2015December 23, 2015 Renee Barton3 Comments

A few days ago marked 10 years of living in our home.

On the 21st December, 2005 we were just a couple of kids moving into our first home. At just 21 years old there was definitely a sense of pride and accomplishment in purchasing our own home. It wasn’t much, a three bedroom low set brick, nothing fancy. But we loved it and were so excited to be officially starting our life together.

I don’t think I expected then to still be living in this house a decade later but so much has happened during our time here and a lot of dreams have been ticked off the list.

While living here we have married, had three pets (one of whom we miss very much) and two foster dogs, welcomed several guests requiring solace (some for a night or two and some for longer), been on four overseas trips, had multiple job changes one of which saw me working out of our home for the past five years. And most recently we became a family of three under this roof.

Our home is still a humble one. Our backyard now resembles a race track thanks to our very energetic dog, Pacey. And most of the furniture and appliances are the same ones we bought when we moved in. Travel and adventure have always trumped that sort of stuff for us.

Though we have big plans for our ultimate dream home this place will always be special to us. And a place we’ll call home for a while yet.

12 Days of Vlogmas – A Glimpse Into The Life Of A Daily Vlogger

December 20, 2015October 17, 2016 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So we have been filming and uploading daily vlogs to our YouTube channel now for nearly a week. And wow… what a week it has been. I mean, who would have thought that daily vlogging could be so exciting but at the same time so tiring…

To give you some background, we decided to take part in what has become to be known as “Vlogmas” around the YouTube traps, after seeing some of our favourite YouTubers decide to take part in it. So what is it? Well essentially, it’s committing to upload a vlog (video blog for those who are uninitiated) style video to YouTube every day, for a nominated period over Christmas.

Awesome! That sounds like a great idea! That’s definitely something we should get on board with. Let’s call ours… ‘The 12 Days of Vlogmas’. Surely 12 days of videos won’t be too hard to accomplish.

Well apparently, as we ourselves have found out, it can be a lot harder than it seems!

I can safely say that I now have new found respect and admiration for the daily vloggers that we watch on YouTube. Especially those who haven’t missed a single day of uploading in years. I don’t know how they manage it.

Uploading daily videos to YouTube brings with it a lot of work… as we have since found out.

There’s remembering to charge the camera batteries each night and then making sure you take the cameras with you each day. There’s trying to keep your videos interesting for people to watch. There’s filming the footage you want to use (which can come with some public embarrassment) and then there’s the editing and upload process.

It can be exhausting. Especially due to the fact that we also have the responsibility of caring for a 6 month old that demands so much of our attention at the moment.

But in saying all that, we were well aware heading into ‘The 12 Days of Vlogmas’, of the work that goes into creating daily vlogs for YouTube. By that, I mean that we are no strangers to daily vlogging. We did daily vlogs whilst on our Euro Trip (watch our Euro Trip playlist here). The difference however, is that we were on holidays… we were relaxed… we were baby-less… and we had a lot of time to do whatever we wanted.

But that said, after the initial shock to the system of having to edit and upload a vlog everyday, I now find myself getting more and more excited during the editing process. I find that our editing skills are getting better and better as we do more and more videos. And I am getting more and more excited about what adventures we will get to film the next day.

I find that as we get deeper into our Vlogmas journey, I am finding pleasure in the fact that we are challenging ourselves to come up with new and more interesting things to do and film each day. And I love that it’s getting us out and about doing things we normally wouldn’t do.

I love the fact that we are filming, even if it’s just for archival purposes, our days in the lead up to Jesse’s first Christmas. How good is it going to be for Jesse to watch these videos back when he’s a first time dad going through the same thing with his first born!

I love that we are constantly improving our filming style and our vision for better shots. And that we are constantly improving our video editing skills. I love the fact that I am enjoying the editing process more and more as I continue to experiment and evolve and create better content that I am really proud of.

Despite the fact that ‘The 12 Days of Vlogmas’ has been overwhelming at times… I absolutely love doing it.

And I cannot wait to see what tomorrow video will be!!!

You Know You’re A Parent When…

December 16, 2015December 16, 2015 Renee Barton1 Comment

There are many tell-tale signs that you have become a parent. Some are obvious. Yes, that small human being that’s constantly hanging around you now is your child. And some that may have happened subtly over time. Like the increase of toys scattered on the lounge room floor and the ever-growing dark circles under your eyes.

We have certainly noticed a lot of changes in our lives since becoming parents. And we’re only six months in!

So here’s what I’ve found.

You know you’re a parent when…

Tired is the new normal. You can’t actually remember what it feels like to have a night of uninterrupted sleep. The next time you get to do it might be years away, but you know you will never take a full night sleep for granted again.
There is a mini, makeshift bed on the floor next to yours. Though it may only act as a deterrent and it may only last for a few hours before they inevitably end up in your bed anyway, it’s good while it lasts.
6.30am is now considered a sleep in. What happened to those people that used to sleep in til 10am on Sunday mornings?? Now by 7am your child has kicked you in the ribs, punched you in face and pulled your hair until you gave in and got up. And by 10am you’ve managed to feed and clothe everyone, do two loads of laundry, wash up all the bottles, change clothes again due to a vomit or poop explosion, sing ‘five little Ducks’ three times and if you’re lucky, get ready to leave the house.
Coffee and wine are practically food groups. Or insert other caffeinated / alcohol laden vices here.
Kids shows now grace your television screen for several hours a day. And you sing along with all of the theme songs! Those things are catchy as hell and you find yourself humming them long after the show finished.
Having someone else’s vomit or poop or wee or snot or dribble on you is now commonplace and no big deal.
You narrate EVERYTHING all whilst referring to yourself in the third person. ‘Mummy is just going to go to the toilet and then I’ll be right back to pick you up ok?’
You now talk to your spouse through baby talk with the baby. ‘Mummy thinks Daddy should go and change your nappy so Mummy can have a rest’.
Your camera roll that was once filled with photos of food, travel snaps and drunken selfies is now full of photos of your kid. Often multiples of the almost exact same photo!
You find yourself suddenly much more tolerant of other people’s children. That toddler throwing themselves on the ground at the shops is no longer the spectacle it once was. Instead you are just thankful it’s not your kid this time as you give the parents a knowing smile.

And, for good measure, number 11 is that despite all this you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even on the toughest days a smile, giggle or cuddle from the small human makes being a parent totally awesome.

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A friend said to me recently that of all the people she knows who have children, none of them have ever said ‘Oh, don’t do it, it’s not really worth it’.

I was oddly comforted as I realised she was right. I too have never heard any parents say it wasn’t worth it.

So while it might be bloody hard at times, anything worth doing usually is.

God, The Universe And Taylor Swift

December 9, 2015December 9, 2015 Renee Barton1 Comment

On Saturday night my bestie and I saw Taylor Swift in concert for the second time. With grins from ear to ear we fist pumped, squealed like 12 year old girls and sang along to every word, loving every minute. We may have brought up the age average significantly, and I’m pretty sure I was sitting next to a ‘chaperone Dad’, but we had an amazing time.

There was a strange feeling about the night though. I put it down to this… Two years ago almost to the day we were standing in that same stadium seeing Taylor for the first time. I was so excited to be seeing her, but at the same time I had a little cloud over my head. It had been following me around for a while. At that time two years ago, we had been trying to have a baby for nearly 12 months.

At the same time, we were also planning a trip to Europe with said bestie and her now husband. We had agreed to give ourselves until the end of the year to conceive; if we weren’t pregnant, we’d book the trip. We were incredibly excited about the possibility of going to Europe for the first time and the adventures we would have there, but we also desperately wanted a baby as well.

Fast forward two years and the woman who stood in the stadium this time is now a mother of a beautiful 6 month old baby boy. Plus, we did get to go on that Euro trip. And life could not be better.

It may not have all happened according to my plan but this way was so much better.

Call it God, the universe, whatever; sometimes we just have to trust that it’s plan will unfold with the perfect timing.

Our Biggest Parenting Challenge Yet

December 6, 2015 Kaine BartonLeave a comment

In the past, both on this blog and in general conversation with people we know, we have often talked about how Jesse is a really cruisy baby. And about how lucky we have been because he’s such a happy baby.

“Nah, he hardly ever cries”, we would say. “He’s a pretty chilled baby”.

Well, all that has changed. Our once chilled, happy, easy going baby has turned into a restless, upset, cranky, screaming bubba that is often hard to settle. The culprit? Based on all the evidence we have and research we’ve undertaken, the most likely explanation is that he is starting to go through teething.

So with that, I would like to say that this past week of parenting for us, has been hard. Hard because after becoming accustomed to having such a happy, well behaved baby for the better part of the past 6 months, it has been a little difficult coming to terms with and adjusting to a baby that is cranky and unsettled a lot of the time.

But while it has been hard for us both, it has been especially hard for Renee. When you are a stay-at-home mum and have a baby that demands your full attention for so much of the day and night, it can start to take its toll. But Renee has soldiered on. Being a pillar of support for Jesse and also being a rock for me when I get stressed. And for this reason, words can’t even begin to express my gratitude toward Renee for this.

That said, there is one (huge) thing that both Renee and I need to consider and reflect on. And that is that Jesse is not doing this just for the hell of it. He is not putting us through our paces as parents just because he feels like it. Jesse is genuinely upset, unhappy, and in pain.

When he is uncontrollably crying and just won’t settle down no matter what we try. It’s because he is in discomfort and in pain.

When he keeps waking up every couple of hours during the night because he is unsettled. It’s because he just wants a cuddle and to be comforted.

When he won’t settle in my arms no matter what I do, but will stop crying when he gets his mummy. I need to realise that it’s not that he doesn’t like me. It’s just that he wants his mummy at that moment. Mostly I think, because mummy has the boobs.

And when he won’t take his bottle no matter how many different ways we try to give it to him. It’s because his gums are sensitive and hurt. But taking comfort in knowing that he is still getting nourishment through puree’s and mummy’s boobs.

We know that babies have limited communication skills. So when it comes to communicating with mums and dads, the only thing babies can really do is cry. And for this reason, we do know that for the moment, the constant crying and unsettled nature is just his way of communicating that something is just not quite right.

I will at this point say this. We aren’t naive about the struggles of having a newborn. We are well aware that there will be parents out there that have had unsettled babies since they were born. Babies with colic. Babies with reflux. The fact that we are going through this rough patch isn’t even a blip compared to what some parents go through with their own babies.

And these parents in our eyes, deserve to be commended. We can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to have a baby that cries all the time. You must be super parents to be able to navigate your way through the days with a constantly unsettled bubba.

I hereby dub you ‘Super Mum’ and ‘Super Dad’! High five!

I know that the mere fact we have had such a happy and healthy baby leading up to this dreaded teething period has been an absolute blessing. And really, in the grand scheme of things, we really don’t have anything to complain about. And despite the fact that he is going through an unsettled period, he still does give us glimpses of his usual self (happy go lucky Jesse), he is healthy, and he is still bloody cute.

But it’s still tough… Being first time parents and never experiencing this before, ever, and trying to get a grasp of and work through this rough period with Jesse is tough. But I have absolute faith that together, as a unit, we are strong and will work through it and come out the other side with an even happier baby than we had before.

And to all my fellow mums and dads out there (especially the first timers)… we got this! We can do this! And if there is only one thing that you get from this post, I hope it’s that you are not alone in your struggles! Everyone goes through rough patches.

So let’s support each other and get through this together!

We got this!

Finding and Pursuing My Passion

November 22, 2015 Kaine Barton2 Comments

Recently, I published a blog post about how I’ve developed a new passion for photography.

Discovering a passion for photography just seemed like a natural step to me. It just kind of fit. When I already had a keen interest in videography (insert shameless YouTube plug here) and digital media, photography just clicked into place like the missing piece of the puzzle. And it definitely lends itself to the work that I do for this crazy ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us (NSSLOU)’ project that Renee and I started.

So it’s not hard to imagine that the talk around our household over the past few weeks, has focused heavily on photography and pursuing our collective passions further.

Coincidentally (or bizarrely enough if you will), while Renee was catching up with my brother’s wife (Anita) over lunch the other week, they started talking about pursuing your passion/s. But the twist to the conversation was, pursuing your passion/s whilst working a relatively normal day job.

While they talked, Anita made mention of an article that she had recently stumbled across that gives the reader a slap in the face about finding and pursuing your passion in life. In the article titled ‘Screw Finding Your Passion’, the following questions really caught not only Anita’s attention, but also mine.

“Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every f***ing second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world tuned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?”

Wow… Just… Wow…

This could quite possibly be the most philosophical and relevant thing I’ve read for years. It was like he was writing this specifically for me. A feeling that I know Anita shared.

All this time, without even knowing it, I was doing exactly what he was talking about in his article. I have been pursuing my passions in photography and digital media in my free time alongside my job.

What I had failed to recognise, is that I am incredibly lucky to have been able to do this. I am fortunate to have a good, steady job, regardless of the fact that it isn’t directly related to my passions in life. I am fortunate enough to have found what my passions are. And I am even more fortunate to be able to pursue these passions in my spare time.

What I was guilty of however, is falling into the trap that most people fall into. The trap of thinking that I needed to be making money doing what I love, to be seen as truly following my passions.

Quite simply, this is not the case.

Like many of you out there who are working on your own projects in your area of interest, when Renee and I started our NSSLOU project, we had a clear vision as to what we would like it to become in the future.

But, because the future was increasingly becoming all I thought about… Because I was constantly thinking about how we could turn this into something that we were getting paid for… I lost sight of why we started NSSLOU in the first place.

The NSSLOU was always, and still is, an avenue for me to “work” in the areas I’m passionate about and share it with the world.

It was a way to document our lives for our future generations to look back on (slide night anyone) to see what life was like when we started and raised a family.

It was a way to share our stories and experiences with everyday people in the hope that maybe someday, someone out there read one of our posts and realised that hey, they weren’t the only ones who went through this or that. And they certainly aren’t alone in this crazy journey we call parenthood and life.

So after coming to these realisations, I have come to understand that I need to stop thinking about turning the NSSLOU into a paying job. And what I need to do, is get that enjoyment and fulfilment back that I had when we first started this crazy ride that is the NSSLOU. I need to get back to really enjoying my passions without the stress of worrying about the fact that it’s not paying us money.

So what does getting back to enjoying my passions mean to me?

Well, it means that I want to get out and take all those amazing photographs on our new camera that I’ve often thought about… I want to film and edit those amazing video ideas I’ve had but have never started work on… I want to get back to being proud of my writing and blogging right here on NSSLOU.

I have even gone as far as thinking about going back to do some study in the fields I am passionate about. So much so that I have found some courses that I am interested in that are available through SAE Creative Media Institute and The Academy of Design.

But I wouldn’t be going back to study for my career (although if an opportunity presented itself I am sure I would consider it). I would be going back to study purely for fun. Purely because I love photography and videography and digital media, so why not go back to study it to better my skills.

You often hear people say, ‘there’s no time like the present’ or, ‘there’s no better day to start than today’. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So, today marks the day that I get back to really enjoying our NSSLOU project. Today marks the day that I get back to really enjoying my passions.

Don’t get me wrong though… The vision we have for the future of this crazy NSSLOU journey we are on is still there. And there is nothing to say that this vision won’t come true.

But for the moment, I have come to realise that first and foremost, I can enjoy working on our NSSLOU project and my passions purely for fun.

Whatever comes in the future, comes. I will be ready for it.