Photo Friday: 10 days / 10 weeks / 10 Months
Tag: First Time Dad
The best night I’ve had as a new dad.
This past week I probably had my worst nights sleep since becoming a dad.
Before I go into that, let me start from the beginning though.
I have been incredibly lucky with my sleep since becoming a first time dad. Renee, who is an absolute legend of a first time mum in my books, incredibly, unselfishly and without hesitation took on the night shifts when it came to getting up to Jesse when he woke throughout the night.
In the beginning, she was breastfeeding, so there wasn’t much use for me to be awake. And our rationale was that it was better having one well rested parent for the day to take on most of the responsibility.
Then, I went back to work, while Renee continued her journey as a stay at home mum. We both agreed that again, there was wasn’t much use for me to get up throughout the night so that I was tired for work the next day.
What an amazing woman right! I am an incredibly lucky man to have someone who has practically been a sleep deprived mess for the past 10 months, but hasn’t complained about it one bit.
Cut to last Wednesday night.
Jesse has been teething and on top of this, he is going through his latest leap. This has resulted in a very unhappy and unsettled boy over the past week or two.
Wednesday night, I went through Jesse’s new bedtime routine which has become one of my new responsibilities. One that I cherish and love to do. He fell asleep relatively easily at around 7pm, which has become somewhat of the normal time he falls asleep for the first time of a night.
9:30pm he wakes for the first time. Something that we’ve become used to recently. Him waking up often throughout the night. Well, trying to get him back to sleep after he woke was nearly impossible!
Everything Renee tried just simply would not work. He was quiet when he had a boob in his mouth, but as soon as that stopped he would wake up. Renee would try and stand and he would wake up crying. Renee would try and put him down in his cot, and he would start screaming.
Cue me to try and calm the situation. I manage to get him to to fall asleep in my arms without waking up. SUCCESS!
Go to put him in his cot, and again he would start screaming!
It turns out the only thing that would stop him from screaming was bringing him into our bed with us.
So that’s exactly what we did. We brought him into our bed, where he tossed and turned until he found a comfortable spot in bed. He had his chest and head laying up on my pillow pressed in as close as he could to my face.
Every time I would move, he would shuffle over pressing his head back against my face. At one stage, he was almost pushing me off my own pillow.
And that is how I lay in bed… until 2am the next morning. Not sleeping. Just snuggling with our little Jesse, listening to his breathing as he slept soundly.
And you know what, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 2am… and despite the fact that I was tired at work the next day, I loved EVERY… SINGLE… SECOND of him snuggled into my face as he slept that night.
Since that night we have thrown the rule book out the window and decided that for all 3 of our sakes, if having Jesse sleep in our bed means that we get a better night sleep, well dammit he will sleep in our bed!
And that’s what we’ve done. For the past 3 nights he has slept in our bed. And you know what, I think it’s the best sleep Jesse and Renee have gotten in months!
As for me, I get to fall asleep every night knowing that I’m snuggling with my two favourite people in the whole wide world!
Footage Friday: 9 Month Milestones
Our bub turning 9 months feels like a milestone in itself. He’s been out in the world for the same amount of time he was in my belly.
Two more little white teeth poked through pink gums this month. But not without some tantrums and sleepless nights.
Life Lessons From My 9 Month Old
There are a lot of things that can fall by the wayside when you have a baby. When most of your time in the early days is spent feeding and staring at your new baby and if you’re lucky, getting a bit of sleep, things like finding a few minutes to read a book drop down your priority list pretty quickly. In fact, just the thought of reading is enough to make your sleep deprived eyes sting and want to fall out of your head!
But my darling is no longer a newborn and it’s definitely time to pick back up some of the good habits I had BC (before children). I never wanted my family to be an excuse for an average life but rather my reason for striving for a great one.
I set a goal recently to recommit to my personal development and have kicked off by re-reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It’s a great read about how those small daily habits that lead to success are easy to do but they are also easy not to do. And that we are never just coasting through life, we are either improving and heading towards success or sliding and moving further away from it. The Slight Edge is either working for us or against us all the time.
During my few minutes of nightly reading before my eyes burned for closure last night I read a passage entitled ‘baby steps’. It highlighted something that has been in the back of my mind recently as I watch Jesse explore his new world now that he can crawl and climb and experiment with his new-found independence. It was about how all babies are successful.
They are not perturbed one little bit by all the times they fall down when learning to master standing and eventually walking. They just get back up and try again. Most of the time not even really being phased by it or noticing that they’ve failed.
I watch Jesse as he constantly works on mastering his new skills and I can’t help but think what we could achieve as adults if we approached things the same way babies do. If we knew we couldn’t fail. I’m yet to meet an adult who still crawls because walking was just too hard and falling down all the time was painful and humiliating. They just work at it little by little each day and before you know it you’re running after them.
All babies are masters; we’re designed that way. All babies instinctively understand the Slight Edge.
So it got me thinking about all the life lessons my Bub has taught me so far…
1. Push the boundaries. When someone says no, turn around and flash them a big cheeky grin before going right back to doing the thing they said you cannot do.
2. When you see your reflection in the mirror love what you see. Smile your biggest smile and thrash your arms and legs around with glee. You are special, unique and gooooorgeous!
3. Sometimes you just need a cuddle from your mum. And she’ll be there with open arms even if its only been 5 minutes since the last time you needed one.
4. Squish some food in your hands before you eat it. Just because…
5. Smile at strangers. It just might make their day.
6. Explore your world like you’re seeing everything for the first time. It’s awesomeness might surprise you.
7. Play. Laugh. Dance. Clap. Life is too short to be serious all the time.
8. If you fall, get back up. If you fall again, get back up. Eventually you’ll master your new skill.
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Take a baby step towards your dream everyday and the Slight Edge will do the rest.
x
The Crawling Diaries
Having a crawling baby is awesome. It really is a ton of fun. I’m not joking by the way… It may sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I’m not. Honest!
I mean, having a newborn that just lays there being all cute is great. But when they start crawling… wow… Awesomely fun times ahead.
Let’s look at the positives of having a crawling, mobile, active baby in the house.
Firstly, there’s all the baby proofing you need to do.
#FUN!
There’s going around and baby proofing draws and cupboards and fridges and anything that’s baby height that they can open and investigate. There’s taking practically everything off any shelving that is within reach that could be broken, swallowed or destroyed. And even if it can’t be broken, swallowed or destroyed, you better remove it anyway because it’s guaranteed the baby will find the one and only way to break, swallow or destroy it anyways. There’s gating off the TV cabinets and rooms which make it even hard for adults to navigate. You see… fun.
Then, there’s the fact that you no longer need a gym membership (cancel that sh** and save yourself the money), because you spend nearly all day racing around the house after your crawling baby.
#MOREFUN!
There’s constantly rescuing the cat from the crawling and inquisitive baby that wants nothing more than to tug on its tail and pull out its hair. There’s the constant getting up and down and up and down to grab the baby from the blinds because no matter how many times you growl at him and tell him no, he just looks back at you, flashes a big “f*** you” smile and continues to pull on them (#whatana**hole). Did I mention the fact that in both of these situations you are constantly bending down to pick up a 10kg baby from the floor. Squats anyone?
On top of that, there’s the fun times when you lose sight of the mobile little tacker and you have a mild heart attack because you can’t help but think he’s probably found the ONE BLOODY THING in the house that you overlooked when you baby proofed that could hurt him.
#MOSTFUN!
Oh, and have I mentioned the wrestling match that is now trying to get a nappy and clothes on the crawling baby? What was once a fairly simple task, has now turned into an episode of the WWF. Tumble-turns, flips, tantrums and all…
I mean come on kid, why do you have such an aversion to getting dressed all of a sudden. You can crawl until your hearts content in like, 30 seconds. Just let me get this damn nappy nappy on you!!!
But in all seriousness, it is pretty great seeing your beloved little one crawling around being inquisitive and exploring the house. It can be more entertaining than TV. Watching them crawl around the house, every now and again looking back at you to flash a smile. Looking back at you for approval that they’re doing a great job crawling all on their own.
And at the end of the day, let’s enjoy this crawling period, because soon enough, they start walking and even worse… running.
And that, is a whole different kettle of fish!
Footage Friday: 8 Month Milestones
Last month saw our little man go from ‘baby’ to crawler within a matter of days.
He is now exploring, climbing and getting into mischief at every opportunity. Don’t turn away for a minute because when you turn back he’ll be gone (or climbing up your leg).
His toys don’t seem quite so fun any more now that he can reach things he’s not allowed to play with (blinds, cords, draws, playstation, the cat, the bin….you get the idea).
Feeling helpless as a Dad
Sometimes, as a Dad, I feel inadequate (I think this is the right word). Sometimes as a Dad I feel helpless.
Last night a prime example of this.
Jesse had a big and a long day yesterday. He spent time at Nanny and Poppy’s place (Renee’s parents). Then he came with us to Grandma and Grandpa’s house (my parent’s). All with minimal napping in between.
And by the time we got home he was overtired. And when I say overtired, I really do mean overtired. It was somewhere around 8 pm and he should have been asleep and in bet at least an hour and a half ago.
He was at that point where he was awake, but we just couldn’t figure out what he wanted or how to get him to sleep.
And this is where my feelings of helplessness started to kick in.
Renee would be holding him and hugging him and trying to get him to sleep, and despite the fact that he was fighting it, he seemed happy to be with her. He wasn’t unsettled. He wasn’t crying. And he wasn’t looking around in desperation for someone else to take him.
As soon as Renee would pass Jesse to me however, he would become instantly unsettled. He would start balling his eyes out. And he would look around and be reaching out in desperation for Mummy.
Renee would take Jesse back and he’d stop.
She would hand him back to me, and straight away he’d start up with the crying again.
It’s not the first time this has happened. And I know it may very well not be the last. But when it does happen… it breaks my heart a little every time.
The fact that it’s like Jesse just can’t even stand the thought of being with me in that moment. That he fights so hard to get away from me and back to Renee. That he just wan’t nothing to do with me, pushing away from me as hard as he can with his little arms and legs.
It is really upsetting… And last night, I think I let it get to me a little too much.
I just couldn’t handle any more rejection, so after one last ditch effort to get him to settle, I put him down on his play mat, crying and all, and went to bed (Renee wasn’t far away, so she did grab him not 30 seconds after I put him down).
I was done. Done for the night. Done on a night where I felt like he hated me and loved Renee (despite the fact that I know that’s not the case).
I know that the way I reacted probably wasn’t ideal. Mainly, because I know that sometimes babies just need their mums.
But I really wish in those moments, that I could somehow do more. That somehow, I could get him to settle… get him to sleep… and not feel totally lost and helpless as a Dad.
I know that I’m probably not the first Dad to have this problem, and it would be interesting to hear from other dads as to what they did to try and solve it, if there was indeed a solution.
But, what I need to do in those moments, is realise that he doesn’t hate me. That I’m not inadequate as a Dad.
But rather in that moment… he just wants his mummy.
Nothing more, nothing less…
How to write a successful parenting blog
Parenting blogs…
They’re not exactly a new innovation in the online blogosphere. And by that I mean there’s plenty of them out there. With the content of all these blogs varying from parenting advice to funny anecdotes about being shat on and everything in between.
You could say our blog fits in that ‘everything in between’ space.
I will say this however… When we first came up with this crazy idea to add to our social media presence and start a blog and brand it Not So Secret Life Of Us (NSSLOU), a parenting blog wasn’t exactly what we had in mind for it. We are simply humans documenting and sharing our lives through social media. And while the bigger picture for our NSSLOU project remains the same, at this very moment, one could argue that we do somewhat fall into the parenting blog category.
But what makes a successful parenting blog? Or any blog for that matter. Well, we are still figuring that one out. But what keeps coming up as a topic of conversation in our household is what we DON’T want for our blog.
History shows us that being relatable and raw (with a touch of humour) can be the best way to create a successful blog. Regardless of whether you’re a parenting blog, a personal development blog or a blog about sneakers. If people can relate to your experiences and have a laugh because they feel your story is reflected in their own daily lives in some way, you are more likely to build up a large audience of loyal followers.
But can being “raw” go too far?
There have been a couple of blogs and posts that have really blown up recently. And I’ll admit, one or two of the posts were quite funny. But when it comes to the content of these blogs, every post follows the same formula. They are always negative… They are always vulgar… And they are always attempting to be humorous for maximum viral-ability (that’s a word right?).
We certainly try and keep our blog as relatable and light-hearted as we can. But we don’t think we need to use profanity or crudeness to get our message across. Nor do we write content solely for the hope it will go viral. We write from the heart, we write with truth, we try to write with humour, and we try and stay as positive as we can. Because frankly, that’s how we live our lives. We love being parents and we love being married. And while neither are fun or rosy all the time we always try to see the positive side. We are honest and raw, but we are not negative. Why? Well, we think there is already enough negative in the world today. And we don’t need to add to that.
Everywhere you look there is negative. The six o’clock news is almost always entirely filled with bad news. Social media is jam packed with people having a whinge and bullying. There are mums attacking other mums. Dads attacking other dads. People attacking parents for their parenting choices.
When you weigh up the good against the bad, sadly the negative wins by an overwhelming margin.
And this is where, in our opinion, some “parenting” blogs have gone too far. One of the comments left on a particular post summed it up perfectly:
“Everything she says is very negative and depressing. I don’t find being a wife or mother negative in any way, shape or form, and love every second of my wifey role and parenting. Even when I get shat and vomited on. She drains the life from me and makes me feel sad. No good will come from glamorising depression, and its sad that so many women empathise with her and feel this way. I just want to help them all but don’t know how. It’s not supposed to feel like ____ describes it. It’s not…”
Many people obviously like reading these rude, crude and pessimistic posts, because otherwise they wouldn’t be as successful as they have been. But it’s just not our bag. If that is what we have to do to go viral then we’ll happily just keep our small group of followers. Retaining our integrity is more important to us than a ‘flash in the pan’ viral post.
We won’t be changing our approach to this great journey that we are on with NSSLOU. From the start, we had always imagined this to be a positive environment that encourages and uplifts people, parents or not. The kind of place where you could come along and go, ‘Wow… I’m not the only one who’s going through that’.
And not only that, create a place to share out story and journey for our son (and future children)… and their kids… and their kids kids to look back on and feel proud of what mum and dad accomplished not only as parents, but with this blog.
If we can add just a little bit more kindness, positivity and fun into the world while we’re at it, then we have accomplished our goal. And if we can encourage a few others to be more positive in their own lives and towards each other then that’s awesome too.
Let’s put an end to speaking negatively of our partners and our lives and our parenting skills and others. And maybe, together, we can start to change the negative landscape that is parenting in today’s digital age.
So sleep regression is a thing?
So, sleep regression is apparently a thing? A thing that happens to babies!
I never knew this…
I know about it now though. Not because I’m losing a lot of sleep. I’m losing some, but not a lot.
But I know about it mostly because poor Renee over the past nearly two weeks constantly feels like she has been run over by a truck. And she certainly isn’t shy when it comes to letting me know about it.
So with that, it would appear that Jesse is currently going through the 8 – 10 month sleep regression cycle. It’s common. But it’s tough.
Our once (fairly) good sleeper, has now turned into a monster when it comes to sleeping through the night. Monster is a strong word to use. But you get the drift.
Jesse had almost gotten to the point of sleeping through the night, waking maybe once or twice for some boob and then going back to sleep. Now however, after we think we’ve finally got him down for the night, he will wake up nearly hourly. But he doesn’t just wake up… he wakes up screaming and crying!
I hear him on occasions and it will wake me up. But poor Renee, is the one getting up to him to give him boob to calm him down. To give him cuddles to comfort him. To put him back to sleep only for her to have to get up again in another hour and do it all over again.
I know what you’re going to say, “Why don’t you take over for a night? Give Renee a break?”
I would… but it’s hard when Renee is the one with the boobs and that’s the only thing that’s going to calm him down at 3 am in the morning!
So with all that preamble, what I do want to say is this… Renee, I think you are amazing!
I think it’s amazing that you get up to him all night every night without wanting to wake me for help. I think you’re amazing that you can survive on so little sleep throughout the day without much complaint. I think you’re amazing for not blaming Jesse through this rough period because like me, you know he can’t help it. He’s just developing.
I think it’s amazing that you are able to do this night in and night out, when I would most likely have already cracked. I think that you’re an amazing super mum!
But I wan’t you to know that I am here for you. You can call on me for help. I want to help. Even if that’s just taking over Jesse duty throughout the day so that you can have a rest.
Don’t let it get you down though… this period will pass soon enough. And then we will have our sleepy bubba back.
I love you.
Photo Friday: Don’t Wake Grumpy
So this past week in the Barton household has been a tough one.
We’ve had teething issues… We’ve had high temperatures… We’ve had heat rash… We’ve had loss of appetite… We’ve had uncontrollable crying… We’ve had tantrums… We’ve had pushing bottles away… We’ve had up the backers…
We’ve had a cranky, tired, unsettled bubba who was quite obviously not dealing with the nasty effects of teething.
All that said though, when he falls asleep… He still looks like the cutest, most peaceful, wonderful little man I ever lay eyes on!
We can’t wait for the poor little guy to get through this rough patch, getting back to his usual, happy go lucky self.
not so secret life of us 