Photo Friday: 10 days / 10 weeks / 10 Months
Tag: First Time Mum
A Mother’s Promise
I read a story recently that has continued to impact on me and challenge me since reading it.
The story was of one mum’s promise to go to her baby when he cried for her no matter how tired or touched out she was, as the result of learning a heartbreaking reality for babies in an African orphanage.
She recounted the experience of a friend who had visited an orphanage and had been struck by how quiet one of the rooms was despite having over 100 babies in it. When they asked how so many babies could be so quiet the response was that they’ve realised no one is coming for them when they cry so they just don’t any more.
Uh. Cue heart break.
Straight away I related to this woman’s promise to her baby to go to him. That’s the kind of mum I want to be I thought to myself. I felt so sad at the thought of a little baby crying for their mother that would never come to them.
That night as I heard Jesse stir through the monitor for the fourth time since putting him down I threw back the covers and whispered into the darkness “damn it, Jesse”.
Doesn’t he know I’m tired? Doesn’t he know that I can’t take many more nights like this?
As I stepped into the hallway hearing his cry getting more desperate, I felt a pang of guilt and the story came flooding back to me.
No. He doesn’t know I’m in the other room praying for more than a couple of hours of sleep in a row. All he knows is its dark, he’s alone and he wants me to comfort him.
The same battle plays out through the day as he constantly climbs up my leg begging to be cuddled only to want to be put down again moments later. And then up again. And then down again.
My patience wears thin. But what about that promise to go to him no matter what? What about those silent babies who’ve given up on waiting for someone to come to them.
Goodness me. Being a parent really is a mind f*** isn’t it!
I was going to finish the post there feeling there wasn’t much else left to say when something beautiful happened.
I scooped up a begging Jesse into my arms for the hundredth time and read back this post aloud the way I always do before publishing it. And almost as if he knew what I needed, Jesse reached out, turned my face towards his and pressed his open mouth against mine. I was expecting an enthusiastic poke in the eye or finger shoved in my mouth but this was so much better. So gentle, so loving.
And just like that my love tank is full again.
Footage Friday: 9 Month Milestones
Our bub turning 9 months feels like a milestone in itself. He’s been out in the world for the same amount of time he was in my belly.
Two more little white teeth poked through pink gums this month. But not without some tantrums and sleepless nights.
Life Lessons From My 9 Month Old
There are a lot of things that can fall by the wayside when you have a baby. When most of your time in the early days is spent feeding and staring at your new baby and if you’re lucky, getting a bit of sleep, things like finding a few minutes to read a book drop down your priority list pretty quickly. In fact, just the thought of reading is enough to make your sleep deprived eyes sting and want to fall out of your head!
But my darling is no longer a newborn and it’s definitely time to pick back up some of the good habits I had BC (before children). I never wanted my family to be an excuse for an average life but rather my reason for striving for a great one.
I set a goal recently to recommit to my personal development and have kicked off by re-reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It’s a great read about how those small daily habits that lead to success are easy to do but they are also easy not to do. And that we are never just coasting through life, we are either improving and heading towards success or sliding and moving further away from it. The Slight Edge is either working for us or against us all the time.
During my few minutes of nightly reading before my eyes burned for closure last night I read a passage entitled ‘baby steps’. It highlighted something that has been in the back of my mind recently as I watch Jesse explore his new world now that he can crawl and climb and experiment with his new-found independence. It was about how all babies are successful.
They are not perturbed one little bit by all the times they fall down when learning to master standing and eventually walking. They just get back up and try again. Most of the time not even really being phased by it or noticing that they’ve failed.
I watch Jesse as he constantly works on mastering his new skills and I can’t help but think what we could achieve as adults if we approached things the same way babies do. If we knew we couldn’t fail. I’m yet to meet an adult who still crawls because walking was just too hard and falling down all the time was painful and humiliating. They just work at it little by little each day and before you know it you’re running after them.
All babies are masters; we’re designed that way. All babies instinctively understand the Slight Edge.
So it got me thinking about all the life lessons my Bub has taught me so far…
1. Push the boundaries. When someone says no, turn around and flash them a big cheeky grin before going right back to doing the thing they said you cannot do.
2. When you see your reflection in the mirror love what you see. Smile your biggest smile and thrash your arms and legs around with glee. You are special, unique and gooooorgeous!
3. Sometimes you just need a cuddle from your mum. And she’ll be there with open arms even if its only been 5 minutes since the last time you needed one.
4. Squish some food in your hands before you eat it. Just because…
5. Smile at strangers. It just might make their day.
6. Explore your world like you’re seeing everything for the first time. It’s awesomeness might surprise you.
7. Play. Laugh. Dance. Clap. Life is too short to be serious all the time.
8. If you fall, get back up. If you fall again, get back up. Eventually you’ll master your new skill.
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Take a baby step towards your dream everyday and the Slight Edge will do the rest.
x
The Crawling Diaries
Having a crawling baby is awesome. It really is a ton of fun. I’m not joking by the way… It may sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I’m not. Honest!
I mean, having a newborn that just lays there being all cute is great. But when they start crawling… wow… Awesomely fun times ahead.
Let’s look at the positives of having a crawling, mobile, active baby in the house.
Firstly, there’s all the baby proofing you need to do.
#FUN!
There’s going around and baby proofing draws and cupboards and fridges and anything that’s baby height that they can open and investigate. There’s taking practically everything off any shelving that is within reach that could be broken, swallowed or destroyed. And even if it can’t be broken, swallowed or destroyed, you better remove it anyway because it’s guaranteed the baby will find the one and only way to break, swallow or destroy it anyways. There’s gating off the TV cabinets and rooms which make it even hard for adults to navigate. You see… fun.
Then, there’s the fact that you no longer need a gym membership (cancel that sh** and save yourself the money), because you spend nearly all day racing around the house after your crawling baby.
#MOREFUN!
There’s constantly rescuing the cat from the crawling and inquisitive baby that wants nothing more than to tug on its tail and pull out its hair. There’s the constant getting up and down and up and down to grab the baby from the blinds because no matter how many times you growl at him and tell him no, he just looks back at you, flashes a big “f*** you” smile and continues to pull on them (#whatana**hole). Did I mention the fact that in both of these situations you are constantly bending down to pick up a 10kg baby from the floor. Squats anyone?
On top of that, there’s the fun times when you lose sight of the mobile little tacker and you have a mild heart attack because you can’t help but think he’s probably found the ONE BLOODY THING in the house that you overlooked when you baby proofed that could hurt him.
#MOSTFUN!
Oh, and have I mentioned the wrestling match that is now trying to get a nappy and clothes on the crawling baby? What was once a fairly simple task, has now turned into an episode of the WWF. Tumble-turns, flips, tantrums and all…
I mean come on kid, why do you have such an aversion to getting dressed all of a sudden. You can crawl until your hearts content in like, 30 seconds. Just let me get this damn nappy nappy on you!!!
But in all seriousness, it is pretty great seeing your beloved little one crawling around being inquisitive and exploring the house. It can be more entertaining than TV. Watching them crawl around the house, every now and again looking back at you to flash a smile. Looking back at you for approval that they’re doing a great job crawling all on their own.
And at the end of the day, let’s enjoy this crawling period, because soon enough, they start walking and even worse… running.
And that, is a whole different kettle of fish!
Footage Friday: 8 Month Milestones
Last month saw our little man go from ‘baby’ to crawler within a matter of days.
He is now exploring, climbing and getting into mischief at every opportunity. Don’t turn away for a minute because when you turn back he’ll be gone (or climbing up your leg).
His toys don’t seem quite so fun any more now that he can reach things he’s not allowed to play with (blinds, cords, draws, playstation, the cat, the bin….you get the idea).
40 Weeks In / 40 Weeks Out
Our baby turning nine months old feels like quite a significant milestone. He has now been earth side for the same amount of time he spent growing in my belly.
He spent 40 weeks in and now 40 weeks out. Well actually, he was in for 38+6 but that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
During my pregnancy our anticipation grew as fast as he did. Our first baby after nearly two years of trying to conceive meant that we were equal parts ecstatic and freaked out.
We knew our lives would change but after nine years of marriage we were ready for the next chapter. We spent countless hours talking about the kind of parents we wanted to be and speculating what our child might be like.
Nine months later we are falling more in love with our little man every day. With golden hair like his Daddy and puffy cheeks like his Mama, he brings more joy to our lives than we ever expected. And with a heart-melting smile that he flashes so generously, we love how much happiness he brings to our family, friends and strangers too.
Over the 40 weeks he spent in, he grew from a tiny speck of cells into a little human. A tiny 2.7 kg and 48 cm. 10 little fingers, 10 little toes. Bright blue eyes and faint little blonde hairs on his head (he also had little blonde fury arms when he was born which was so cute!).
And over the past 40 weeks out he has grown into a happy, giggly bubba, 9.3kg and 77cm tall. He always gets comments about how tall he is and how his hair style matches Daddy’s.
He is crawling everywhere, exploring everything and climbing up my leg every chance he gets. He LOVES animals and one glimpse of our cat or dog and his spirits are lifted as he starts babbling and smiling and kicking his legs with excitement.
In the nine months since becoming a mum I have learned a lot about myself, my husband and about life. I am learning to trust myself and my ability to know what is right for us, not just what the ‘parenting experts’ say is right.
As I sit here writing while Jesse mashes up a nectarine between his fingers beside me, I’m learning to be okay with mess. And even to see the fun side of it. I’m learning patience, servant-hood and sacrifice. That its okay to slow down, to play, to ask for help when help is needed.
I’ve learned just how much my husband worries. But I know it is because he loves us so much. The positive side of that is it keeps me calm (we can’t both lose our shit, at least not at the same time!).
I’ve learned the value of a full nights rest and will not take it for granted ever again.
I’ve learned that I will make mistakes as a parent. I will lose my cool, I will yell and cry sometimes. I will have to collect Jesse up off the floor because he’s fallen off the bed (whoops!) but it’s okay. A child needs to see their parents failing from time to time.
And I’m sure there will be many more lessons, many more mistakes.
But for now, happy nine months little one. I hope you’ve loved your 40 weeks out as much as we have.
xx
Photo Friday: Mum and bub cool off in the pool
With only a few days of Summer left there is no sign of it cooling down any time soon.
After a particularly hot and sweaty morning of Kangatraining, Jesse and I headed over to Nanny’s to test out the new baby pool she bought him.
We pulled it out of the box, pumped it up and promptly heard a loud hissing sound. Brand new and it had a hole in it! Not be be deterred, mum pulls out the sticky tape and in a ‘Big Hero 6’ like manner we taped up the hole and headed outside to fill it up.
Jesse and I had a lovely time cooling down and having a splash together.
Cool things about being a mum I didn’t expect
Having a baby is wonderful (mostly). Watching them grow and change day by day. Those sleepy snuggles and that new baby smell. Being someone’s mummy really is incredible.
But aside from the obvious cool things about being a Mama there are a few bonus things I wasn’t expecting.
Friends and family falling over backwards to do things for you
At least in the early days, those first few weeks post birth, people treat a new mum like a queen. And rightly so. We can ask for just about anything and husband, family members and friends will go out of their way to make it happen.
I don’t think I had to cook a meal for about two weeks after giving birth. I was living out my dream. All because of a joke (sort of) that if people wanted to visit baby they had to bring food. I’m keen to go for round two just for that perk alone! I was also delivered coffee on a regular basis and wasn’t expected to do anything else other than look after my newborn baby. Showering and changing out of pyjamas were completely optional (though I did manage to do both most days if just for my own sanity).
The holy grail that is parents with prams parking
Pulling into one of these for the first time is quite the novelty. And you soon find yourself disappointed when they’re all full. Or worse yet, there’s someone parked there with no obvious signs of a baby. No sun shade on the window or car seat in the back.
What’s the big deal? It’s just a car park right? Well yes, but when it saves you from circling a practically full car park with a crying baby in the back its life-changing. And its close to the door. Enough said.
No more waiting lines for the toilet
Babies can be great shopping companions (once mine got over his loathing of car trips). They don’t complain about all the stores we go into or how long it takes for us to decide which design of Bonds Wonder-suit to buy.
But no shopping trip with a baby is complete without a visit (or 3) to the parents room. While there’s nothing really special about a room smelling of dirty nappies the bonus is no more waiting in long lines for the ladies room. Hooray!! While feeding and changing bub, we can duck to the loo, no waiting. Though I have found myself using a kiddie size toilet on a couple of occasions. What’s with some parent rooms not having a regular sized one as well??
How easy it is to make a new friend
Making friends as a kid was relatively easy and for some adults it still is but I always found it tricky. But since becoming a mum I have found it so much easier to break the ice with another mum. Conversation seems to come so much easier when you instantly have something in common.
I had heard so many horror stories of mums being awful to each other and criticising parenting styles that differ from their own. And while I know that it does go on I must admit that I have only come in contact with other mummies that are supportive and respectful. I’ve also been so fortunate as to make some genuine connections with some wonderful women. I used to bang on about how awful the ‘mum club’ is but for the most part it is an association I’m proud to have.
That amazing feeling when his little arms reach out for mummy
We hear those horror stories about never (ever) being alone again once you have children and not even being able to pee in peace. But it is pretty amazing when those little, squishy arms reach out for you deliberately for the first time.
And though it can sometimes be frustrating when you’re feeling a little touched out from a long day with a velcro baby, it is pretty wonderful to feel that the love your baby has for you is as strong as your love for him.
To the world you are one, but to one you are the world.
How to write a successful parenting blog
Parenting blogs…
They’re not exactly a new innovation in the online blogosphere. And by that I mean there’s plenty of them out there. With the content of all these blogs varying from parenting advice to funny anecdotes about being shat on and everything in between.
You could say our blog fits in that ‘everything in between’ space.
I will say this however… When we first came up with this crazy idea to add to our social media presence and start a blog and brand it Not So Secret Life Of Us (NSSLOU), a parenting blog wasn’t exactly what we had in mind for it. We are simply humans documenting and sharing our lives through social media. And while the bigger picture for our NSSLOU project remains the same, at this very moment, one could argue that we do somewhat fall into the parenting blog category.
But what makes a successful parenting blog? Or any blog for that matter. Well, we are still figuring that one out. But what keeps coming up as a topic of conversation in our household is what we DON’T want for our blog.
History shows us that being relatable and raw (with a touch of humour) can be the best way to create a successful blog. Regardless of whether you’re a parenting blog, a personal development blog or a blog about sneakers. If people can relate to your experiences and have a laugh because they feel your story is reflected in their own daily lives in some way, you are more likely to build up a large audience of loyal followers.
But can being “raw” go too far?
There have been a couple of blogs and posts that have really blown up recently. And I’ll admit, one or two of the posts were quite funny. But when it comes to the content of these blogs, every post follows the same formula. They are always negative… They are always vulgar… And they are always attempting to be humorous for maximum viral-ability (that’s a word right?).
We certainly try and keep our blog as relatable and light-hearted as we can. But we don’t think we need to use profanity or crudeness to get our message across. Nor do we write content solely for the hope it will go viral. We write from the heart, we write with truth, we try to write with humour, and we try and stay as positive as we can. Because frankly, that’s how we live our lives. We love being parents and we love being married. And while neither are fun or rosy all the time we always try to see the positive side. We are honest and raw, but we are not negative. Why? Well, we think there is already enough negative in the world today. And we don’t need to add to that.
Everywhere you look there is negative. The six o’clock news is almost always entirely filled with bad news. Social media is jam packed with people having a whinge and bullying. There are mums attacking other mums. Dads attacking other dads. People attacking parents for their parenting choices.
When you weigh up the good against the bad, sadly the negative wins by an overwhelming margin.
And this is where, in our opinion, some “parenting” blogs have gone too far. One of the comments left on a particular post summed it up perfectly:
“Everything she says is very negative and depressing. I don’t find being a wife or mother negative in any way, shape or form, and love every second of my wifey role and parenting. Even when I get shat and vomited on. She drains the life from me and makes me feel sad. No good will come from glamorising depression, and its sad that so many women empathise with her and feel this way. I just want to help them all but don’t know how. It’s not supposed to feel like ____ describes it. It’s not…”
Many people obviously like reading these rude, crude and pessimistic posts, because otherwise they wouldn’t be as successful as they have been. But it’s just not our bag. If that is what we have to do to go viral then we’ll happily just keep our small group of followers. Retaining our integrity is more important to us than a ‘flash in the pan’ viral post.
We won’t be changing our approach to this great journey that we are on with NSSLOU. From the start, we had always imagined this to be a positive environment that encourages and uplifts people, parents or not. The kind of place where you could come along and go, ‘Wow… I’m not the only one who’s going through that’.
And not only that, create a place to share out story and journey for our son (and future children)… and their kids… and their kids kids to look back on and feel proud of what mum and dad accomplished not only as parents, but with this blog.
If we can add just a little bit more kindness, positivity and fun into the world while we’re at it, then we have accomplished our goal. And if we can encourage a few others to be more positive in their own lives and towards each other then that’s awesome too.
Let’s put an end to speaking negatively of our partners and our lives and our parenting skills and others. And maybe, together, we can start to change the negative landscape that is parenting in today’s digital age.
not so secret life of us 