The best night I’ve had as a new dad.

This past week I probably had my worst nights sleep since becoming a dad.

Before I go into that, let me start from the beginning though.

I have been incredibly lucky with my sleep since becoming a first time dad. Renee, who is an absolute legend of a first time mum in my books, incredibly, unselfishly and without hesitation took on the night shifts when it came to getting up to Jesse when he woke throughout the night.

In the beginning, she was breastfeeding, so there wasn’t much use for me to be awake. And our rationale was that it was better having one well rested parent for the day to take on most of the responsibility.

Then, I went back to work, while Renee continued her journey as a stay at home mum. We both agreed that again, there was wasn’t much use for me to get up throughout the night so that I was tired for work the next day.

What an amazing woman right! I am an incredibly lucky man to have someone who has practically been a sleep deprived mess for the past 10 months, but hasn’t complained about it one bit.

Cut to last Wednesday night.

Jesse has been teething and on top of this, he is going through his latest leap. This has resulted in a very unhappy and unsettled boy over the past week or two.

Wednesday night, I went through Jesse’s new bedtime routine which has become one of my new responsibilities. One that I cherish and love to do. He fell asleep relatively easily at around 7pm, which has become somewhat of the normal time he falls asleep for the first time of a night.

9:30pm he wakes for the first time. Something that we’ve become used to recently. Him waking up often throughout the night. Well, trying to get him back to sleep after he woke was nearly impossible!

Everything Renee tried just simply would not work. He was quiet when he had a boob in his mouth, but as soon as that stopped he would wake up. Renee would try and stand and he would wake up crying. Renee would try and put him down in his cot, and he would start screaming.

Cue me to try and calm the situation. I manage to get him to to fall asleep in my arms without waking up. SUCCESS!

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Go to put him in his cot, and again he would start screaming!

It turns out the only thing that would stop him from screaming was bringing him into our bed with us.

So that’s exactly what we did. We brought him into our bed, where he tossed and turned until he found a comfortable spot in bed. He had his chest and head laying up on my pillow pressed in as close as he could to my face.

Every time I would move, he would shuffle over pressing his head back against my face. At one stage, he was almost pushing me off my own pillow.

And that is how I lay in bed… until 2am the next morning. Not sleeping. Just snuggling with our little Jesse, listening to his breathing as he slept soundly.

And you know what, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 2am… and despite the fact that I was tired at work the next day, I loved EVERY… SINGLE… SECOND of him snuggled into my face as he slept that night.

Since that night we have thrown the rule book out the window and decided that for all 3 of our sakes, if having Jesse sleep in our bed means that we get a better night sleep, well dammit he will sleep in our bed!

And that’s what we’ve done. For the past 3 nights he has slept in our bed. And you know what, I think it’s the best sleep Jesse and Renee have gotten in months!

As for me, I get to fall asleep every night knowing that I’m snuggling with my two favourite people in the whole wide world!

A Mother’s Promise

I read a story recently that has continued to impact on me and challenge me since reading it.

The story was of one mum’s promise to go to her baby when he cried for her no matter how tired or touched out she was, as the result of learning a heartbreaking reality for babies in an African orphanage.

She recounted the experience of a friend who had visited an orphanage and had been struck by how quiet one of the rooms was despite having over 100 babies in it. When they asked how so many babies could be so quiet the response was that they’ve realised no one is coming for them when they cry so they just don’t any more.

Uh. Cue heart break.

Straight away I related to this woman’s promise to her baby to go to him. That’s the kind of mum I want to be I thought to myself. I felt so sad at the thought of a little baby crying for their mother that would never come to them.

That night as I heard Jesse stir through the monitor for the fourth time since putting him down I threw back the covers and whispered into the darkness “damn it, Jesse”.

Doesn’t he know I’m tired? Doesn’t he know that I can’t take many more nights like this?

As I stepped into the hallway hearing his cry getting more desperate, I felt a pang of guilt and the story came flooding back to me.

No. He doesn’t know I’m in the other room praying for more than a couple of hours of sleep in a row. All he knows is its dark, he’s alone and he wants me to comfort him.

The same battle plays out through the day as he constantly climbs up my leg begging to be cuddled only to want to be put down again moments later. And then up again. And then down again.

My patience wears thin. But what about that promise to go to him no matter what? What about those silent babies who’ve given up on waiting for someone to come to them.

Goodness me. Being a parent really is a mind f*** isn’t it!

I was going to finish the post there feeling there wasn’t much else left to say when something beautiful happened.

I scooped up a begging Jesse into my arms for the hundredth time and read back this post aloud the way I always do before publishing it. And almost as if he knew what I needed, Jesse reached out, turned my face towards his and pressed his open mouth against mine. I was expecting an enthusiastic poke in the eye or finger shoved in my mouth but this was so much better. So gentle, so loving.

And just like that my love tank is full again.

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Jesse’s First Easter

Most Easter long weekends you will find us camping, usually with family out at Stanthorpe on the Granite Belt. But this Easter weekend, Jesse’s first Easter we stayed close to home and enjoyed 4 days of fun, family and relaxation.

On Good Friday we ventured to the Sails Festival at Suttons Beach. Us and pretty much everyone else from the Moreton Bay region! Finding a car park took about 3 times as long as it took to drive there but we finally found one. We enjoyed a few hours by the seaside browsing the markets, eating delicious food and chilling out with my folks.

Saturday morning was a pretty typical one for us, weight training followed by domestic duties. But in the afternoon Kaine and I headed out for some lunch and a wander around the shops. Just the two of us while Jesse had some Aunty Lia time (he slept for the first two hours much to her dismay).

On Easter Sunday, as I watched my Facebook feed fill with the great lengths parents went to for Easter egg hunts, we headed off bright and early to Lake Somerset. We aren’t big on the whole chocolate thing at Easter time. But I see as Jesse gets older we will have to lift our game – some parents were going all out with bunny footprints through the house and the whole deal!

Our day on the lake was great. Jesse had his first boat ride (apparently V8 engines are soothing and he went straight to sleep) and my first time driving a jet ski (do you drive a jet ski?). It rained a little and was overcast most of the day but we didn’t care. We had a great time.

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We closed out the weekend with a day at home. We filmed Jesse’s 9 month milestone video and enjoyed a family stroll to the park in the afternoon.

Long weekends are divine aren’t they.

Fright in the night!

I know it’s been said many times before… But having a baby is a big responsibility!

Being responsible for this tiny little human that can’t fend for themselves and that needs your care 24/7 is huge! And as a result, your new little bundle of joy soon becomes all you think about.

You think about them when you wake up. You think about them when you’re with them. You think about them when you’re at work. You even think about them when you’re asleep.

And this, is where one of the funniest running episodes in our household has started unfolding.

Okay, imagine this…

You’re sound asleep. Have been for hours. You’re chest is softly rising and falling with each breath. You’re pleasantly dreaming away. You are at that point where you are in your deepest sleep. You’re cosy. You’re safe.

And then it happens.

All of a sudden your partner (the wife in my case) startles you awake with a jolt! And not just once… On multiple nights…

W … T … F … !

So like I was saying, I’m sound asleep, and then out of nowhere, bloody Renee grabs me by the arm as I roll over in my sleep because she thinks it’s Jesse rolling out of bed!

Oh yea, that’s right… full on grabs me and wakes me up with a fright! On multiple occasions. You see what I mean with the whole, you even think about them when you’re sleeping.

“What the hell?!?!” I said to her one night.

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“I’m so sorry, I thought you were Jesse rolling out of bed.” We both have a little chuckle and go back to sleep.

Two nights later, happens again… “Really? Again?”

“Sorry… I thought you were Jesse again” she says.

Two nights later, happens again. “WHAT THE ACTUAL F***! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP IT!!!”

Yes, I actually got mad at Renee one night… Keep in mind I was half asleep, I was woken up with a fright, and I can’t believe that she’s done it again.

It is actually pretty funny when we talk about it the next day, but damn I wish she’d stop grabbing me all of a sudden at 2am in the morning because she thinks Jesse is falling out of bed. I mean, he doesn’t even sleep in our bed any more.

However, almost every morning when I get up for work, I bring Jesse into bed with Renee. It’s like a morning ritual. The two would doze together or at least Renee would while Jesse played with some toys that we keep stashed on the bedside table.

But a few weeks ago while Renee dozed as I got ready for work, our newly mobile bub fell off the bed to the floor with a startling thud that woke Renee from her morning slumber. It would now seem that this moment, has scarred her for life. Yup, pretty sure it has since she now panics every time I roll over in the middle of the night, thinking it’s Jesse about to roll off the bed again.

I guess they are right when the say women never sleep the same way again after becoming a mum.

The struggles…

Footage Friday: Jesse learns to swim!

So last week, Jesse had his first swimming lesson… And he absolutely loved it!

My sister-in-law Tamika, is no stranger to the pool. She is a dual Olympian for synchronised swimming, so when we started talking about when would be a good time to start some swimming lessons and who we could go to for lessons, Tamika was the perfect choice!

Saves us getting into the pool to teach him. Especially considering Kaine isn’t a keen swimmer.

Jesse really started to enjoy it toward the end of his lesson, and he started to get the hang of being dunked under water. As you can see in the video, he starts to realise that at the count of three comes the dunking… And he makes the cutest little face in preparation.

I bet were going to end up with one of those kids that loves the water!

The Crawling Diaries

Having a crawling baby is awesome. It really is a ton of fun. I’m not joking by the way… It may sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I’m not. Honest!

I mean, having a newborn that just lays there being all cute is great. But when they start crawling… wow… Awesomely fun times ahead.

Let’s look at the positives of having a crawling, mobile, active baby in the house.

Firstly, there’s all the baby proofing you need to do.

#FUN!

There’s going around and baby proofing draws and cupboards and fridges and anything that’s baby height that they can open and investigate. There’s taking practically everything off any shelving that is within reach that could be broken, swallowed or destroyed. And even if it can’t be broken, swallowed or destroyed, you better remove it anyway because it’s guaranteed the baby will find the one and only way to break, swallow or destroy it anyways. There’s gating off the TV cabinets and rooms which make it even hard for adults to navigate. You see… fun.

Then, there’s the fact that you no longer need a gym membership (cancel that sh** and save yourself the money), because you spend nearly all day racing around the house after your crawling baby.

#MOREFUN!

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There’s constantly rescuing the cat from the crawling and inquisitive baby that wants nothing more than to tug on its tail and pull out its hair. There’s the constant getting up and down and up and down to grab the baby from the blinds because no matter how many times you growl at him and tell him no, he just looks back at you, flashes a big “f*** you” smile and continues to pull on them (#whatana**hole). Did I mention the fact that in both of these situations you are constantly bending down to pick up a 10kg baby from the floor. Squats anyone?

On top of that, there’s the fun times when you lose sight of the mobile little tacker and you have a mild heart attack because you can’t help but think he’s probably found the ONE BLOODY THING in the house that you overlooked when you baby proofed that could hurt him.

#MOSTFUN!

Oh, and have I mentioned the wrestling match that is now trying to get a nappy and clothes on the crawling baby? What was once a fairly simple task, has now turned into an episode of the WWF. Tumble-turns, flips, tantrums and all…

I mean come on kid, why do you have such an aversion to getting dressed all of a sudden. You can crawl until your hearts content in like, 30 seconds. Just let me get this damn nappy nappy on you!!!

But in all seriousness, it is pretty great seeing your beloved little one crawling around being inquisitive and exploring the house. It can be more entertaining than TV. Watching them crawl around the house, every now and again looking back at you to flash a smile. Looking back at you for approval that they’re doing a great job crawling all on their own.

And at the end of the day, let’s enjoy this crawling period, because soon enough, they start walking and even worse… running.

And that, is a whole different kettle of fish!

Footage Friday: 8 Month Milestones

Last month saw our little man go from ‘baby’ to crawler within a matter of days.

He is now exploring, climbing and getting into mischief at every opportunity. Don’t turn away for a minute because when you turn back he’ll be gone (or climbing up your leg).

His toys don’t seem quite so fun any more now that he can reach things he’s not allowed to play with (blinds, cords, draws, playstation, the cat, the bin….you get the idea).

40 Weeks In / 40 Weeks Out

Our baby turning nine months old feels like quite a significant milestone. He has now been earth side for the same amount of time he spent growing in my belly.

He spent 40 weeks in and now 40 weeks out. Well actually, he was in for 38+6 but that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

During my pregnancy our anticipation grew as fast as he did. Our first baby after nearly two years of trying to conceive meant that we were equal parts ecstatic and freaked out.

We knew our lives would change but after nine years of  marriage we were ready for the next chapter. We spent countless hours talking about the kind of parents we wanted to be and speculating what our child might be like.

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Photo: Renee Trubai

Nine months later we are falling more in love with our little man every day. With golden hair like his Daddy and puffy cheeks like his Mama, he brings more joy to our lives than we ever expected. And with a heart-melting smile that he flashes so generously, we love how much happiness he brings to our family, friends and strangers too.

Over the 40 weeks he spent in, he grew from a tiny speck of cells into a little human. A tiny 2.7 kg and 48 cm. 10 little fingers, 10 little toes. Bright blue eyes and faint little blonde hairs on his head (he also had little blonde fury arms when he was born which was so cute!).

And over the past 40 weeks out he has grown into a happy, giggly bubba, 9.3kg and 77cm tall. He always gets comments about how tall he is and how his hair style matches Daddy’s.

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Photo: Renee Trubai

He is crawling everywhere, exploring everything and climbing up my leg every chance he gets. He LOVES animals and one glimpse of our cat or dog and his spirits are lifted as he starts babbling and smiling and kicking his legs with excitement.

In the nine months since becoming a mum I have learned a lot about myself, my husband and about life. I am learning to trust myself and my ability to know what is right for us, not just what the ‘parenting experts’ say is right.

As I sit here writing while Jesse mashes up a nectarine between his fingers beside me, I’m learning to be okay with mess. And even to see the fun side of it. I’m learning patience, servant-hood and sacrifice. That its okay to slow down, to play, to ask for help when help is needed.

I’ve learned just how much my husband worries. But I know it is because he loves us so much. The positive side of that is it keeps me calm (we can’t both lose our shit, at least not at the same time!).

I’ve learned the value of a full nights rest and will not take it for granted ever again.

I’ve learned that I will make mistakes as a parent. I will lose my cool, I will yell and cry sometimes. I will have to collect Jesse up off the floor because he’s fallen off the bed (whoops!) but it’s okay. A child needs to see their parents failing from time to time.

And I’m sure there will be many more lessons, many more mistakes.

But for now, happy nine months little one. I hope you’ve loved your 40 weeks out as much as we have.

xx

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