Category: Feelings

Our Birth Story: A Mum’s Perspective

Renee Barton1 Comment

We are just days away from our little boy’s first birthday and we can’t quite believe it. No longer a ‘baby’ and becoming more toddler-like with each day.

This special milestone has me reminiscing about his arrival into the world and those first few days as a first time mum.

So I thought I might commemorate the occasion by telling Jesse’s birth story. Partly because all mum’s love to share their labour stories and partly because all kids love to hear about their entrance into the world. But also because I don’t want the details to get fuzzy. I want to document it so I will always remember.

Those last few weeks of pregnancy

I was loving pregnancy but I was also starting to get very excited about meeting our new family member. And if I’m honest, a little anxious about the pain I was about to endure. I had heard lots of birth stories and was even blessed to witness a few bubs coming into the world, but I had no idea what my birth experience would be like.

I knew what I wanted; a calm yet active labour. To labour at home for as long as possible. To do it as naturally and unassisted as possible. But I also knew that a birth plan doesn’t always go to plan and should be flexible.

Kaine would ask me every day towards the end if there was “any movement at the station” before leaving for work and each time I would smile and assure him no, not yet.

On the 25th of May, Kaine decided to start his leave from work. Even if bub didn’t come for another week or more, we would have some special time together before bub did come.

We went for a walk with the dog that day (well I waddled) and I distinctly remember on our way back the man across the road asked how long we had to go. Ten days I answered excitedly. And two days later we were parents.

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The final bump shot – 38 Weeks

Tuesday 26th May, 2015

7am – I’m lying in bed enjoying one of the last few sleep ins I’ll have for probably a very long while and feel myself drifting in and out of sleep. I start to realise that it’s mild period-like pain waking me from my slumber. Without opening my eyes I sleepily wonder to myself if it’s the early stages of contractions. I ignore it for a while longer and continue to snooze.

Later that morning we are both awake as we had plans to go the shops. It’s not until after we are there for about an hour that I mention to Kaine that I think I’m getting mild contractions. Nothing to freak out about, but perhaps we should go home. By this stage they were feeling a bit stronger and all I could think about was not wanting my waters to break in public (clean up in isle 5!).

As the day got later, the contractions got stronger and more painful, but still very irregular. Some were 20 minutes apart while others were 4 or 5 minutes apart.

11 pm – Kaine asked (yet again) if we should tell anyone. I told him no because I knew these things could stop and start. The midwives had told us to stay at home until the contractions were 3 minutes apart so that’s what I was going to do. I instructed Kaine to go and get some sleep. But there was no way I could with the waves of pain I was getting.

So, with the lights dimmed I had my contraction timer app and a game on my phone for in between and every time a contraction came I would get up and squat whilst bracing against the kitchen bench.

Sometime during the early hours of Wednesday I migrated to the spare room to get some rest in between contractions. The gap was getting longer and the pain was getting milder. By 6am the next morning, they were all but gone! I had a midwife appointment at 10.30am, so I knew that I could fill her in with the nights activity and see what she says.

Wednesday 27th May, 2015

After barely any sleep I was feeling particularly spritely – must have been adrenaline kicking in.

10am – We head off to my midwife appointment. I explain the last 24 hours and she says that’s all great signs and this could go on for a week. What now? A week?? Hell no. I have a couple of little pains in her office but nothing to really worry about.

Afterwards we drop by mum’s for a visit as she is right around the corner. Now she knows nothing of what’s been going on until I rush to the kitchen bench to resume my squat position. Conversation stops and breathing gets heavier. I see the look of glee on mum’s face which at the time, seems kind of cruel. After two more I say to Kaine for the second day in a row, “I think we need to go home now”.

12.30pm – We arrive home and while Kaine goes to get lunch I hop into bed with the lap top to continue watching Glee on Netflix which has been my guilty pleasure since starting my maternity leave.

I soon find myself hovering by the bed in a world of pain. I recommence timing contractions and they’re getting closer. It’s time to call the hospital.

The midwife answers and I can hardly talk I’m in so much pain. I manage to form enough words to tell her what’s happening and she tells us to come in.

Holy sh*t! This is happening! We grab our bags, I warm my heat pack one more time and we head out the door.

That car trip is not one I’ll forget anytime soon. I can’t squat my way through contractions in the car and instead have to sit up right. I clench the seat beside me. I start to cry. Partly from the pain and partly because I’m scared.

I have a contraction in the car park and two more getting up to the maternity ward.

2 pm – They hook me up to a machine to listen to bubby’s heartbeat and to monitor contractions. For the next 30 minutes, they just stand around and watch me ryth pain with each one. After deciding that I am indeed in labour they check to see how dilated I am and whether or not they can break my waters.

I was so happy to hear I was 4cm dilated (all that work last night paid off!) and breaking my waters was surprisingly easy and pain free.

Well, from that moment, it was game on! We put the call in to my parents as we had agreed that my mum and sister would join us in the birth suite. They were both unbelievable support as was Kaine.

And I was lucky enough to be able to stick to my birth plan entirely. I remained mobile throughout the whole labour and stayed off the bed pretty much the whole time. It was definitely leg day as I continued to squat with each contraction. Boy did I feel that the next day!

But it was part of my routine. I coped by doing the same thing every time. At one point the midwife suggested I count or get Kaine to count during each one. I remember thinking “if you start to count out loud and I will slap you!”

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When it came time to push I thought nature would just take over. But I found that I really had to deliberately switch gears from riding through the wave of contractions to using it to bear down. I was getting to the stage where I didn’t know how much more I could do or how much longer I could go for.

When I said that the midwife replied that they wouldn’t let me push for much longer. Immediately I wondered what that meant. Assisted delivery? Caesarean? Okay, time to get this baby out!

I realised what was holding me back was my fear of tearing after hearing one particular horror story. I just had to put that aside and breath this baby out.  And that’s exactly what I did.

7.50 pm – It’s finally over. The sweet relief of no more pain washes over me as does the love for the tiny baby I hold in my arms. “Well what is it?” I hear everyone say and I realise I haven’t yet looked to see whether I’m holding my son or my daughter. And nobody else in the room knows either.

It’s a boy I say as I look up at Kaine. We both smile as we look back down at our beautiful baby boy.

My dad, who was not-so-patiently waiting in the waiting room this whole time, joins us while we all marvel at our beautiful baby boy. Around that time, we all put in our final guesses for baby’s weight. He was a delicate parcel of 6 pound 2 ounces. I think Kaine might have guessed his weight exactly.

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I was just completely in new mum bliss mode now. Thrilled to have had such an amazing birth experience but also thrilled it was over. Just in time for my next challenge. Motherhood.

I’ll never forget the moment my life changed forever. The moment I fell even more madly in love with my husband and the moment my heart started to live outside my body.

Jesse, my darling boy, happy birthday.

We all have a little OCD in us…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Writing regular blog posts can be a hard ask. Especially when you set yourself a task to publish 3 a week. And while we haven’t hit that mark every week we have, for the most part, done pretty well.

So when thinking about what I could write about for my post today, I really had to get my thinking cap on to come up with something interesting.

But… after catching myself in the act yet again, I found the perfect subject for today’s post. And not only that, I feel like today’s post is about a subject that a lot of people out there (if not everyone) might not just relate to, but get a bit of a laugh out of it.

So what in the hell is this long introduction leading up to? Well… as you may have already guessed by the title, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) of course.

As a quick side note, please let me state up front that I know OCD can be a serious and debilitating condition. This post is in no way intended to undermine that fact, and is also not intended to cause offence or stress to those who do genuinely suffer from this condition.

With that said, let’s face it, us humans are a funny species. We all have our little quirks and idiosyncrasies and quite often, they allow us every now and again to laugh at each other, laugh at ourselves and laugh at the strange things we do.

And I am no exception.

I think that almost everyone out there, has a little OCD in them. What might start out as making sure the blinds on all the office windows are level can sometimes turn into where you can’t have the volume in your car on an odd number. Oh, and yes, I know about these quirks because they both relate to me.

But we all have our little quirks, don’t we. So I figured hey, why not share mine for a laugh. Maybe someone else out there can relate and maybe this post will make them feel like less of a weirdo. Because at the end of the day, you’re not a weirdo. You are pretty much exactly the same as the rest of us.

So what are my bad OCD habits? Well, here are the ones that I catch myself doing on a regular basis:

The blinds in the office

When I mentioned the blinds in the office, I wasn’t kidding. This is exactly one of my OCD things that annoys the absolute piss out of me. If you have horizontal blinds in the office, whether you have them raised or lowered, they all MUST be falling at the same height.

If they are not, then you can be guaranteed that I’ll get up and fix this abomination.

And to those in the office who change the heights just to f*** with me, you will feel my wrath! The wrath of a man who is enraged with ‘inconsistent horizontal blind height anger’. Don’t worry, it’s a real thing… I promise!

The volume level on devices that use numbers

Yup, again, like I said earlier, one of my things is the volume level. That said, I think this one may be more common than I think. But when turning the volume up or down on any device from the car radio to the TV, it has to be set to an even number, or in fives. That’s right. It can’t be set at any number that ends in a 1, 3, 7 or 9.

Want the volume set to 22. No worries.

What about 14. Yup, good as gold mate.

35. Perfect. No issues here.

19… OH HELL NO!!! You better change that to 20 or 18 quick smart or I’m going to lose my sh*t!

Brushing my teeth

Now this one I feel is going to be odd to many out there. But when I brush my teeth, I have to brush each section the same number of times.

I don’t know why… I don’t know how it started… All I know is, if I brush my back left molars 8 times and then accidentally brush my back right molars 9 times… bugger… It’s back to square one.

Let me clarify, I usually don’t count the strokes per se, but I do hum the same tune for each section of my teeth that I brush. It’s the same thing right?

Clean floors

Ok. So I can admit that my level of OCD’ness has somewhat diminished when it comes to clean floors since Jesse came along. But it’s still there, and dirty floors still annoy me.

In the past, I could not stand dirty floors. If I was walking through the house and I felt even the tiniest speck of dirt then look out. The brooms were activated. The vacuum was out. The mops were loaded. And the floor would be buffed to perfection.

Since Jesse has come into our lives, our floor is in a constant state of uncleanliness that I have had to learn to respect. It is near impossible to keep your floors clean when you have an 11 month old baby crawling around the house. And then there’s dinner time… Ahh dinner time… The once civilised activity where we used to eat our meals has turned into what Jesse thinks is a fun game of ‘let’s throw every little skerrick of food to floor for no other reason than I just don’t want it on the table in front of me.

I am lucky I have come to terms with my dirty floors, because the old me would have thrown the brooms and mops in the air and shouted “F*** THIS SH*T… I’M OUT!”

Morning routine

Ok… Now I know this one isn’t strange, but it still shows that little part of my that is OCD.

Every morning when I get up for work, I do everything in the exact same order. That’s right, I have a morning routine and I stick to it every… single… day… (Well, work days that is).

I can recite my whole routine and can guarantee that each morning, I do not break it. It goes like this: Wake up, toilet, eat breakfast, take vitamins, brush teeth, wash face, put deodorant on, put pants on, put socks and shoes on, do hair, put singlet and shirt on, belt on, aftershave on, watch on, pack lunch, pack bag, leave.

Now not everyone will be that OCD with their morning routine. But I’m not ashamed by it at all. In fact, I’ve read a couple of articles that suggest having a morning routing that you stick to like the one I have is actually beneficial, as it frees your mind to think about other things you need to accomplish rather than thinking about what you need to do as your getting ready. So the jokes on you… you who doesn’t have a morning routine.

Anyways… So that’s about it… Those are my (or some of my) idiosyncrasies that I have a laugh about with others every now and again. Like I said, we all have them, so why not just have a laugh and accept the fact that we do all have a little OCD in us.

So with that I ask you… What about you? What are your OCD quirks? What do you do that you think is strange but in actual fact might be quite common?

Let’s share and all have a laugh together about the fact that we all, are a little bit weird!

A very special day!

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

It’s a special day in the NSSLOU household today.

“So what’s so special about today?” I hear you ask.

Well, today just so happens to be Renee’s birthday. That’s right… The old wifey for lifey is one more year older today. Which also makes her one more year wiser. And when we think back on what’s happened over the last year… wow.

Renee, or ‘Mummy’ as she has now become affectionately known as throughout our household, is one amazing woman. And without her, everything would well and truly be falling apart!

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Photography by Renee Trubai

Renee is very much the pillar of our household. Largely due the fact that she has taken on the very big and important responsibility of being a full-time stay-at-home mum to our beautiful boy, Jesse. BUT… Not being content with just being a full-time mum, Renee has also started and is currently building her Kangatraining business on the side. And while being a Kanga Trainer has it’s perks (like being able to take bubby to work), it adds to the already overflowing plate that is Renee’s daily schedule.

But while there certainly are exhausting days here and there, for the most part, you very rarely hear even a single complaint about it. Why? Because like I said, she is amazing!

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Photography by Renee Trubai

Renee continues to surprise me with everything she does and everything she takes on. I am forever thankful and lucky to have her in my life. As is Jesse.

Now, as the sun sets on today’s festivities, I cannot wait to celebrate many more birthdays in the years to come with one of my favourite people in the whole wide world. I can’t wait to share more laughs and more fun with you. I can’t wait to grow our family even more with you. I can’t wait to travel with you and experience more and more new things with you. I can’t wait to grow old with you.

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Photography by Kaine Barton

But for now, let me just say this…

Happy Birthday babe!

You are amazing and you deserve all the happiness in the world!

All our love,
Kaine and Jesse.

365 Project: The Home Stretch

Renee BartonLeave a comment

A little over a year ago we decided to document our first year as parents – a 365 project and one of the catalysts for this blog.

Here’s a little reminder of what we set out to do.

We will:

  • For the entire first year of Jesse’s life and our first year as parents, chronicle our journey through writings and photos.
  • Both journal something every day of Jesse’s first year of life and our first year as parents, no excuses (no matter how sleep deprived we are)!
  • Each take a photo every day of Jesse’s first year of life and our first year as parents, no excuses (crappy, badly lit, grainy selfies at 5 minutes to midnight included)!
  • Not share our journal entries or photos with each other, until after Jesse’s first birthday (the official end of the project).
  • At the conclusion of The 365 Project, compile and publish the journals and photos as two individual books titled ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us: A year in the life of a first time Dad’ and ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us: A year in the life of a first time Mum’.

We are 343 days in now so well and truly on the home stretch. And though it’s been challenging at times I’m proud to say that we have managed to stick to our intentions for the project.

The hardest part for me has been taking a photo every day. It sounds easy enough and like most mum’s my camera roll is full of photos of my baby. But some days have been so full on the only time I’ve been able to take a quick snap is when Jesse has fallen asleep for the night. And other days there’s just enough time to click a few selfies in between meal times, play time and nappy changes. So this means plenty of dark, grainy shots of Jesse sleeping and selfies with bad hair and dark circles under the eyes.

Day 56
Day 56

I’m not sure how interesting it will be for others to read. A New York Times best seller is probably out of the picture! Some days my entries are only a few words long while on other days I have waxed lyrical about the joys and challenges of new motherhood. But I am really intrigued to read Kaine’s finished product as I’m sure he has written thoughts and feelings that weren’t vocalised (as I have) over the last 12 months. I’m also looking forward to looking back over my own and reminiscing, particularly those early days and weeks.

Honestly, it really hasn’t felt like a chore at all and it will actually be kind of weird not to do it any more. Though preparing our finished products as books will certainly keep us busy for a while yet.

I’m really proud that we have stuck with it and no doubt we will have a new project in the works soon enough.

What Makes You Feel Beautiful?

Renee Barton1 Comment

Recently my two best girlfriends and I were invited to participate in another wonderful photography project by Renee Trubai called “Hear Her ROAR”. Renee says, The project is about showing women the beauty of themselves that has perhaps been forgotten, ignored or tucked away. It’s about rejuvenating- and celebrating- your love and respect for yourself.

This is simple for me … I want to show women the strength of their own beauty.

Renee Trubai

We haven’t yet scheduled the shoot but the preparation for this session, and all of Renee’s work, starts long before the first frame of film is snapped. She always does a thorough consultation first and provides some nuggets to mull over beforehand so that we go into the shoot with a mindset and vision for the end result.

For the preparation of this session Renee asked a seemingly simple yet quite challenging question, for me anyway.

What does beauty mean to you, for you? What environment / outfit / music / style / activity lights you up inside … the kind that has your eyes sparkling?

Whoa! Instantly I was blindsided by these questions. When was the last time I felt really beautiful? What does it look like when I feel beautiful?

My immediate answers to these questions seemed obvious. Well, I feel beautiful when my husband tells me I look pretty or when my little boy cuddles and kisses me. I feel beautiful when I’ve had my hair done at the salon and my nails are freshly polished.

And then I realised that these things were all about other people showing me I’m beautiful. But I wondered how I make myself feel beautiful. Just me. Not a compliment from someone else or when I’ve actually had the time to get primped and preened by a professional.

I wondered if I really didn’t know myself all that well and what I do, wear or listen to feel beautiful or whether I had just not ever really stopped to think about it. Maybe both.

I don’t wear much make up these days and most of the time my hair is dirty and tied up out of the way. I can’t remember the last time I wore high heels and most of my nice dresses still don’t fit almost a year after giving birth.

But when I think about what beauty means to me and what makes me feel beautiful in my daily life now, I think about laughing with my girlfriends so hard my tummy hurts. Teaching a Kanga class, working my body and helping other mums. I think about the empowerment of giving birth to my child and the strength I am learning now that I am a mother. I think about being on holidays, adventuring and exploring.

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Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like a million dollars when I get the chance to dress up, when my body is trim and when I’ve spent hours being pampered at the salon. But to me, a truly beautiful woman is one that is happy, powerful and confident. A woman of strength. One who tries new things, loves fiercely, smiles a lot and can laugh at herself.

So I challenge you to think about it… What makes you feel beautiful?

 

Work/Life balance: It isn’t easy

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Working in the city when you live as far out into the suburbs as we do, means that every day you have to deal with a long commute. And when I tell people that it takes me an hour and a half to get to work of a morning (and an hour and a half to get home in the afternoon), they often look at me with a face that says “are you crazy?!”

I almost always say to them, as they continue to stare at me with that “are you crazy?!” look, that I’ve been working in the city ever since I graduated High School in 2001. So basically, a long commute to and from work is all I’ve ever known. And because of that fact, it has never really bothered me.

Well fast forward to 2016 and the long commute to and from work is getting just that little bit harder to take day by day.

Let’s put it this way… At the moment, I generally leave the house at 6:30am every morning and generally don’t get home from work until nearly 6:00pm most nights. And as for getting home by 6:00pm, that is assuming I get out of the office at 4:15pm every afternoon. If I don’t, well, depending on the public transport schedule, my home time could blow out to anywhere between 6:30pm to 7:00pm.

Unfortunately, this means that during the week, because of my long commute, I get very limited awake time with Jesse.

When I leave for work of a morning, Jesse is either still asleep, or has just woken up. And when I do manage to get home by 6:00pm, because at that time it’s smack bang in the middle of his bedtime routine, he is usually asleep (most of the time) not too long after I get home.

For that reason, I really cherish the time I get to spend with him during the week. Simply because of the fact that my awake time with him can be quite limited.

Just over the past week, there was one day where I didn’t get to see him awake at all. I left work when he was asleep. And when I got home, I got home to this… Our cheeky little monkey completely worn out from a big day asleep on mummy’s lap. Down and out for the night.

Sleeping Jesse

And this is the exact reason that I am starting to find it just that little bid harder, day by day, to accept such a long commute to work.

I know there are plenty of options out there available for people who have long commutes to and from work. Hot-desking at local work hubs… Working from home… Flexible work arrangements…

And these are all options I am really starting to think about with more seriousness as the days and weeks and months fly by with Jesse.

Because at the end of the day, time does fly by. I mean Jesse is turning one next month. ONE!!! I can’t believe that. And because it is flying by so quickly, I can’t help but feel bad that I am unable to spend that quality time with him during the week.

The saddest thing of all, is that I know I’m not the only one in this situation. There are a lot of mums and dads out there that have long commutes to work who don’t get to spend a lot of quality time with their kids during the week. And when there is so much flexibility available for work arrangements, I think this is very sad.

With all that said, I am thankful that Renee is able to spend all the time in the world with Jesse during the week given that she is a stay-at-home mum come Kangatrainer legend!!!

So while I continue to deal with my long commute to and from work, I will make the most of my cuddles in bed with him now that we have started co-sleeping again.

I know, that I will get to spend quality time with Jesse during the week soon enough!

Photo Friday: Getting back to nature

Renee BartonLeave a comment

This is a bit of a throwback Thursday on a Friday.

Yes. That totally makes sense!

We love getting outdoors with Jesse. And he absolutely LOVES it! Crawling in the grass… the fresh air… the wonderful new smells and sights… It must be like a sensory overload for him.

And now that it’s getting a little bit cooler, I imagine us getting outdoors a lot more often!

Autumn in Queensland = Love!

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Our Breastfeeding Journey: Part III

Renee BartonLeave a comment

I think its over. After nearly 11 months I think my breastfeeding journey with Jesse is coming to an end.

And yes, I am sad about it. I never really understood the emotional part of stopping until recently. But I’m also really  happy and proud that we were able to do it for this long.

When I last shared about my breastfeeding experiences Jesse was 5 months old and I was hoping to keep going for at least one more month. And here we are another 5 months later.

Breast feeds have become less and less frequent over the last few months, so about two weeks ago we decided to start weaning from night feeds and start encouraging Jesse to take a bottle through the night instead. This was mostly because he was waking up so many times during the night to comfort feed that I needed to do something. Within a few days it had worked and I was then just offering once through the day; more so because I wasn’t quite ready to stop yet. But it has now been several days since our last feed so I am coming to terms with it being over for good now.

I could feel the end was near so I made sure I treasured those few minutes a day together over the last couple of weeks. And I’m embracing the fact that my baby is no longer a baby and will soon be turning one. Oh my!

Now that I’m at the final stages, I have loved breastfeeding my son so much. It was such a special time together and often times the only thing that would soothe him. Whether it be sore gums from teething, a tummy ache or a bad dream. It was Mummy and her magic boobs to the rescue.

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But there were times when I was so tired and felt so touched out that it really was one of the most challenging parts of being a new mum. There are many things I will miss about breastfeeding but also several that I won’t. I am also really excited to wear normal bras again. Normal clothes again. And not be the only one that can get up to him through the night! Yay!

Let’s face it though, I probably still will.

So until next time, that is the end of breastfeeding for me. It has been lovely. And hard. And beautiful. And exhausting.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

The best night I’ve had as a new dad.

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

This past week I probably had my worst nights sleep since becoming a dad.

Before I go into that, let me start from the beginning though.

I have been incredibly lucky with my sleep since becoming a first time dad. Renee, who is an absolute legend of a first time mum in my books, incredibly, unselfishly and without hesitation took on the night shifts when it came to getting up to Jesse when he woke throughout the night.

In the beginning, she was breastfeeding, so there wasn’t much use for me to be awake. And our rationale was that it was better having one well rested parent for the day to take on most of the responsibility.

Then, I went back to work, while Renee continued her journey as a stay at home mum. We both agreed that again, there was wasn’t much use for me to get up throughout the night so that I was tired for work the next day.

What an amazing woman right! I am an incredibly lucky man to have someone who has practically been a sleep deprived mess for the past 10 months, but hasn’t complained about it one bit.

Cut to last Wednesday night.

Jesse has been teething and on top of this, he is going through his latest leap. This has resulted in a very unhappy and unsettled boy over the past week or two.

Wednesday night, I went through Jesse’s new bedtime routine which has become one of my new responsibilities. One that I cherish and love to do. He fell asleep relatively easily at around 7pm, which has become somewhat of the normal time he falls asleep for the first time of a night.

9:30pm he wakes for the first time. Something that we’ve become used to recently. Him waking up often throughout the night. Well, trying to get him back to sleep after he woke was nearly impossible!

Everything Renee tried just simply would not work. He was quiet when he had a boob in his mouth, but as soon as that stopped he would wake up. Renee would try and stand and he would wake up crying. Renee would try and put him down in his cot, and he would start screaming.

Cue me to try and calm the situation. I manage to get him to to fall asleep in my arms without waking up. SUCCESS!

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Go to put him in his cot, and again he would start screaming!

It turns out the only thing that would stop him from screaming was bringing him into our bed with us.

So that’s exactly what we did. We brought him into our bed, where he tossed and turned until he found a comfortable spot in bed. He had his chest and head laying up on my pillow pressed in as close as he could to my face.

Every time I would move, he would shuffle over pressing his head back against my face. At one stage, he was almost pushing me off my own pillow.

And that is how I lay in bed… until 2am the next morning. Not sleeping. Just snuggling with our little Jesse, listening to his breathing as he slept soundly.

And you know what, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 2am… and despite the fact that I was tired at work the next day, I loved EVERY… SINGLE… SECOND of him snuggled into my face as he slept that night.

Since that night we have thrown the rule book out the window and decided that for all 3 of our sakes, if having Jesse sleep in our bed means that we get a better night sleep, well dammit he will sleep in our bed!

And that’s what we’ve done. For the past 3 nights he has slept in our bed. And you know what, I think it’s the best sleep Jesse and Renee have gotten in months!

As for me, I get to fall asleep every night knowing that I’m snuggling with my two favourite people in the whole wide world!