One of Jesse’s new favourite games is to crawl around the house while being ‘chased’ by someone.
Every few seconds he turns back to check he’s still being followed and giggles loudly with glee upon seeing his chaser hot on his heels.
Happy Friday!
Category: Funny
Fright in the night!
I know it’s been said many times before… But having a baby is a big responsibility!
Being responsible for this tiny little human that can’t fend for themselves and that needs your care 24/7 is huge! And as a result, your new little bundle of joy soon becomes all you think about.
You think about them when you wake up. You think about them when you’re with them. You think about them when you’re at work. You even think about them when you’re asleep.
And this, is where one of the funniest running episodes in our household has started unfolding.
Okay, imagine this…
You’re sound asleep. Have been for hours. You’re chest is softly rising and falling with each breath. You’re pleasantly dreaming away. You are at that point where you are in your deepest sleep. You’re cosy. You’re safe.
And then it happens.
All of a sudden your partner (the wife in my case) startles you awake with a jolt! And not just once… On multiple nights…
W … T … F … !
So like I was saying, I’m sound asleep, and then out of nowhere, bloody Renee grabs me by the arm as I roll over in my sleep because she thinks it’s Jesse rolling out of bed!
Oh yea, that’s right… full on grabs me and wakes me up with a fright! On multiple occasions. You see what I mean with the whole, you even think about them when you’re sleeping.
“What the hell?!?!” I said to her one night.
“I’m so sorry, I thought you were Jesse rolling out of bed.” We both have a little chuckle and go back to sleep.
Two nights later, happens again… “Really? Again?”
“Sorry… I thought you were Jesse again” she says.
Two nights later, happens again. “WHAT THE ACTUAL F***! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP IT!!!”
Yes, I actually got mad at Renee one night… Keep in mind I was half asleep, I was woken up with a fright, and I can’t believe that she’s done it again.
It is actually pretty funny when we talk about it the next day, but damn I wish she’d stop grabbing me all of a sudden at 2am in the morning because she thinks Jesse is falling out of bed. I mean, he doesn’t even sleep in our bed any more.
However, almost every morning when I get up for work, I bring Jesse into bed with Renee. It’s like a morning ritual. The two would doze together or at least Renee would while Jesse played with some toys that we keep stashed on the bedside table.
But a few weeks ago while Renee dozed as I got ready for work, our newly mobile bub fell off the bed to the floor with a startling thud that woke Renee from her morning slumber. It would now seem that this moment, has scarred her for life. Yup, pretty sure it has since she now panics every time I roll over in the middle of the night, thinking it’s Jesse about to roll off the bed again.
I guess they are right when the say women never sleep the same way again after becoming a mum.
The struggles…
Footage Friday: Jesse learns to swim!
So last week, Jesse had his first swimming lesson… And he absolutely loved it!
My sister-in-law Tamika, is no stranger to the pool. She is a dual Olympian for synchronised swimming, so when we started talking about when would be a good time to start some swimming lessons and who we could go to for lessons, Tamika was the perfect choice!
Saves us getting into the pool to teach him. Especially considering Kaine isn’t a keen swimmer.
Jesse really started to enjoy it toward the end of his lesson, and he started to get the hang of being dunked under water. As you can see in the video, he starts to realise that at the count of three comes the dunking… And he makes the cutest little face in preparation.
I bet were going to end up with one of those kids that loves the water!
The Crawling Diaries
Having a crawling baby is awesome. It really is a ton of fun. I’m not joking by the way… It may sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I’m not. Honest!
I mean, having a newborn that just lays there being all cute is great. But when they start crawling… wow… Awesomely fun times ahead.
Let’s look at the positives of having a crawling, mobile, active baby in the house.
Firstly, there’s all the baby proofing you need to do.
#FUN!
There’s going around and baby proofing draws and cupboards and fridges and anything that’s baby height that they can open and investigate. There’s taking practically everything off any shelving that is within reach that could be broken, swallowed or destroyed. And even if it can’t be broken, swallowed or destroyed, you better remove it anyway because it’s guaranteed the baby will find the one and only way to break, swallow or destroy it anyways. There’s gating off the TV cabinets and rooms which make it even hard for adults to navigate. You see… fun.
Then, there’s the fact that you no longer need a gym membership (cancel that sh** and save yourself the money), because you spend nearly all day racing around the house after your crawling baby.
#MOREFUN!
There’s constantly rescuing the cat from the crawling and inquisitive baby that wants nothing more than to tug on its tail and pull out its hair. There’s the constant getting up and down and up and down to grab the baby from the blinds because no matter how many times you growl at him and tell him no, he just looks back at you, flashes a big “f*** you” smile and continues to pull on them (#whatana**hole). Did I mention the fact that in both of these situations you are constantly bending down to pick up a 10kg baby from the floor. Squats anyone?
On top of that, there’s the fun times when you lose sight of the mobile little tacker and you have a mild heart attack because you can’t help but think he’s probably found the ONE BLOODY THING in the house that you overlooked when you baby proofed that could hurt him.
#MOSTFUN!
Oh, and have I mentioned the wrestling match that is now trying to get a nappy and clothes on the crawling baby? What was once a fairly simple task, has now turned into an episode of the WWF. Tumble-turns, flips, tantrums and all…
I mean come on kid, why do you have such an aversion to getting dressed all of a sudden. You can crawl until your hearts content in like, 30 seconds. Just let me get this damn nappy nappy on you!!!
But in all seriousness, it is pretty great seeing your beloved little one crawling around being inquisitive and exploring the house. It can be more entertaining than TV. Watching them crawl around the house, every now and again looking back at you to flash a smile. Looking back at you for approval that they’re doing a great job crawling all on their own.
And at the end of the day, let’s enjoy this crawling period, because soon enough, they start walking and even worse… running.
And that, is a whole different kettle of fish!
Cool things about being a mum I didn’t expect
Having a baby is wonderful (mostly). Watching them grow and change day by day. Those sleepy snuggles and that new baby smell. Being someone’s mummy really is incredible.
But aside from the obvious cool things about being a Mama there are a few bonus things I wasn’t expecting.
Friends and family falling over backwards to do things for you
At least in the early days, those first few weeks post birth, people treat a new mum like a queen. And rightly so. We can ask for just about anything and husband, family members and friends will go out of their way to make it happen.
I don’t think I had to cook a meal for about two weeks after giving birth. I was living out my dream. All because of a joke (sort of) that if people wanted to visit baby they had to bring food. I’m keen to go for round two just for that perk alone! I was also delivered coffee on a regular basis and wasn’t expected to do anything else other than look after my newborn baby. Showering and changing out of pyjamas were completely optional (though I did manage to do both most days if just for my own sanity).
The holy grail that is parents with prams parking
Pulling into one of these for the first time is quite the novelty. And you soon find yourself disappointed when they’re all full. Or worse yet, there’s someone parked there with no obvious signs of a baby. No sun shade on the window or car seat in the back.
What’s the big deal? It’s just a car park right? Well yes, but when it saves you from circling a practically full car park with a crying baby in the back its life-changing. And its close to the door. Enough said.
No more waiting lines for the toilet
Babies can be great shopping companions (once mine got over his loathing of car trips). They don’t complain about all the stores we go into or how long it takes for us to decide which design of Bonds Wonder-suit to buy.
But no shopping trip with a baby is complete without a visit (or 3) to the parents room. While there’s nothing really special about a room smelling of dirty nappies the bonus is no more waiting in long lines for the ladies room. Hooray!! While feeding and changing bub, we can duck to the loo, no waiting. Though I have found myself using a kiddie size toilet on a couple of occasions. What’s with some parent rooms not having a regular sized one as well??
How easy it is to make a new friend
Making friends as a kid was relatively easy and for some adults it still is but I always found it tricky. But since becoming a mum I have found it so much easier to break the ice with another mum. Conversation seems to come so much easier when you instantly have something in common.
I had heard so many horror stories of mums being awful to each other and criticising parenting styles that differ from their own. And while I know that it does go on I must admit that I have only come in contact with other mummies that are supportive and respectful. I’ve also been so fortunate as to make some genuine connections with some wonderful women. I used to bang on about how awful the ‘mum club’ is but for the most part it is an association I’m proud to have.
That amazing feeling when his little arms reach out for mummy
We hear those horror stories about never (ever) being alone again once you have children and not even being able to pee in peace. But it is pretty amazing when those little, squishy arms reach out for you deliberately for the first time.
And though it can sometimes be frustrating when you’re feeling a little touched out from a long day with a velcro baby, it is pretty wonderful to feel that the love your baby has for you is as strong as your love for him.
To the world you are one, but to one you are the world.
Footage Friday: Look out cat, the baby is crawling
God help us….we now have a mobile child.
Yup, Jesse has started to crawl. Well it’s more like a break dance move than a crawl but never the less he can move, fast.
And it is the cat that he has set his sights on. Needless to say she is not too impressed about it.
Dads Rule: Why we should give dads more credit
Lately I’ve been giving the ladies a gee up and boasting about how awesome women are, but I haven’t forgotten about the guys. Dads in particular.
There’s been lots of stories lately about how dads get a bad wrap and treated like unhelpful idiots when it comes to babies and parenting. I wholeheartedly agree that just because there are a few lousy dads out there (you know, the ones that call spending time alone with their child babysitting), not all men are crap dads.
In fact, most dads that I know are just as hands on with their kids as mums. And some of them even do housework. I know… you’re wondering how to get one of those husbands, but I found one, so I’m sure they’re out there!
The awesome dad does the early morning shift so mum can sleep in. The awesome dad jigs baby to sleep while singing lullabies that he knows none of the words to but makes them up anyway.
He can’t wait to play or cuddle or do bath time in the evenings even though he’s just finished a long day at work. He makes sure the car seat is in just right and he panics over every little scratch, bump and bruise. The awesome dad sneaks into bubba’s room just to marvel at how gosh darn cute he is.
And who says men can’t multitask?? The awesome dad can play PlayStation and get baby to sleep!
The reason I know these awesome dads exist is because I see it every day. I’m married to one.
On top of all this he also reassures me on a regular basis that I’m an awesome mum. And we can not hear that enough can we mum’s?
So here’s to the awesome dads. The ones that wrestle the floor, give shoulder rides and read bedtime stories.
You rock!
And to my husband, not only do you rock, but you are my rock.
X
Diary of a Lonely Dad: Day 1
Dear Diary,
This morning, I dropped Renee and Jesse off at the airport.
They are heading down to Melbourne together for a course that Renee is doing for her new business that she will be starting in February.
This is the last photo I have of them…
So far today, without them, my day has looked like this:
- Played some GTA V on the Playstation.
- Took a trip to Bunnings.
- Sprayed Weed and Feed on the lawn.
- Picked up the dog s***.
- Washed some clothes.
- Vacuumed and mopped the floors.
- Played some more GTA V on the Playstation.
- Went to Dan Murphy’s for beer.
- Updated my 365 diary.
- And now writing this post.
I’m kind of lost on what to do now. Do I play more GTA V? Do I watch a movie? Do I drink in the dark by myself, wallowing in the misery of not having Renee and Jesse here.
COME BACK… PLEASE COME BACK!!!
No, I’ll be fine.
NO, I MISS YOU BOTH TOO MUCH! I KNOW IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 8 HOURS, AND I’M GONE FOR LONGER WHEN I’M AT WORK… BUT I NEED YOU.
Nope, It’s fine Kaine. You can do this. There’s meals in the fridge. You’re going to work all week. So that will keep you occupied. You’ve got seasons 1 to 5 of Game of Thrones to watch. You will be fine.
BUT I MISS THEM!
Come on… Pull yourself together man!
I’M TRYING!!!
Try harder!
OKAY.
Good… Now, go grab yourself another beer, and go watch some Game of Thrones or play some more GTA V. You love playing GTA V. Go on…
ALRIGHT… BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU SAY SO.
Geez… What a loser. Only the first day and he is carrying on like this. God help us by the time we get to Wednesday!
-K
Stay At Home Mum Life: the good, the bad and the ugly
Being a full time mum may seem like its all Netflix and coffee dates – swanning around the shops in your active wear sipping on a skinny chai latte. But they really are right when they say being a mum is the hardest job in the world. And I’m only 7 months in!
Okay, so there might be a fair bit of Netflix. Especially in those early newborn days. And yes, coffee is now a food group all of it’s own in my current diet… but there is more to it. We parents work bloody hard. Especially those that have jobs and kids to take care of!
So what’s it really like?
I’m gonna start with the ugly while it’s fresh in my mind. Yesterday was ugly! Our usually fairly chilled bub had suddenly become some sort of possessed, teething monster who only operated on two extremes. Screaming and inconsolable! Or snugly and super clingy! Okay, so the snugly clingy part wasn’t so bad, but it was the several plus hours of the inconsolable screaming beforehand that was the really ugly part. It’s the part of parenting where you pretty much lose your s*** but then feel really bad because you know its not their fault. You know your little one is not purposefully sending your blood pressure through the roof. They’re in pain. And they need their mummy. Thankfully, these really ugly days are few and far between.
And then there’s the bad. Hmmm, where do I start? Well, there’s the ongoing sleep deprivation. If you really want to mess someone up just wake them up every three hours. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. There are times where they let you go right back to sleep… But then there are times where they just smile up at you and giggle and make you play with them for an hour. When you get one of those “It’s 3am and I’m wide awake” smiles, it is incredibly frustrating and ridiculously cute all at the same time. And then there’s the poo under your finger nails, the vomit on your shirt just as your about to finally head out the door, the thinking you can hear the baby cry every time you get in the shower, and the song Peppa Pig sings about finding a friend for her pet goldfish Goldie that you JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!! “Fishy fishy fish fish, swimming in the sea. Who will be a fishy friend, for my fish Goldie?”
But then there’s the good. And it is, oh… so… good! It’s that uncontrollable urge to plant an inappropriate amount of kisses on that squishy face whenever it’s in close range. And what is it with baby feet that just makes you want to (ever so gently) bite them? Its the tiny warm body that fits perfectly on your chest as his gently rises and falls with each breath while he sleeps. And even the now not-so-tiny body that still manages to fit just right. Its the chubby little arms that learn to reach out for his mama whenever she walks by. Its the chubby little legs that kick out as you tickle him under his neck and arms. And that throaty laughter that may just be the sweetest sound in the world.
There is oh so much good. And the best part is, you only need one good moment to outweigh a whole day of ugly moments (and thank God for that, otherwise we’d never deliberately procreate!).
But with all of that, and despite the fact that being a parent really is the hardest job in the world… we wouldn’t trade it in for anything would we mum’s and dad’s? I love the fact that I am a stay at home mum. And I know there will come a time when my boy will be grown and no longer need me to give him my everything so I will try to treasure it all, the good, the bad… and the ugly, while I can. It sure is tough, but it’s also so incredibly rewarding and fun.
So hold your heads up high stay at home mums and dads… You have the best job in the world!
A (not so) terrible case of misktaken identity…
Ok… So you know that Delta Goodrem song ‘Mistaken Identity’? Yea… You know the one, where she croons to everyone that “it’s a terrible case… of mistaken identity.”
Well, that’s been our life for the past week. Although, I wouldn’t exactly call it a terrible case of mistaken identity… I’d probably call it a ‘not so’ terrible case of mistaken identity. Get it… not so terrible case… not so secret life… Okay, I’ll carry on.
So it all started one morning. Jesse woke us up, like normal. Well, I’m still on holidays so Jesse woke Renee up, like normal. And I slept in, like normal. Renee and Jesse came in to wake me up, like normal. We had breakfast, like normal. Jesse was glued to ABC Kids, like normal. Renee started telling me about how we had gotten a sh*t tonne of likes on our Facebook page overnight, not like normal.
Hang on, what’s happened here? Not only were we getting all these new likes on our Facebook page, but they were coming from all over the world. Canada. USA. Germany. Brazil. Mexico. UK.
We couldn’t figure it out. Then we got this inbox message to our Facebook page from one of our new likes, “OMG, I loved your blog about parent sex.”
And then the penny dropped.
Okay, so you may have read this little post about ‘parent sex’ recently. You know, just a little post. Nothing too major. A funny little ditty about trying to sneak in a quickie while the kids are occupied.
Oh who am I kidding… the SUPER ULTRA MEGA VIRAL POST 
about ‘parent sex’! Insert ‘jealous that we didn’t come up with said post’ emoji here ->
So… as I was saying. This ‘parent sex’ post went mega viral just this past week, so much so that nearly every news network on the internet, worldwide, picked up the story and reported on it. News.com.au, Huffington Post, Tech Insider, Essential Baby, Pop Sugar, The Guardian, Lad Bible, The Sun, The Daily Mail… You name it, they reported on it.
Well, it turns out that the author of the parent sex post, has a blog on WordPress called… wait for it… ‘The not so secret life of us’. And it also turns out, that all the articles that have been written about this post have mentioned said blog. And it also happens, that our blog has a very similar name, ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’ (there’s no ‘the’ at the beginning).
Well, after receiving that message over Facebook, we decided to head to Google to type in “the not so secret life of us blog” to see what happens. And as it turns out, our blog (what you’re reading right now) and our Facebook page turn up in the top 3 results.
So as a result of all these articles, our Facebook likes have increased by over 100 in the past week… Alas, our not so terrible case of mistaken identity.
The funny thing is, we constantly brain storm ideas for our blog posts, and one of the things that we always talk about is how great it would be for one of them to go viral. Well, it turns out that we went viral without even lifting a finger. How funny is that!!!
Now I know what you’re probably thinking… How dare you piggy back off someone else’s work? Well, while we may be receiving some benefits of this small case of mistaken identity, the actual authors Facebook page has risen by tens of thousands of likes, so the measly 100 that we’ve picked up, is hardly a blip on the radar.
We also wrote a post on our Facebook page letting people know that we weren’t the authors of the parent sex blog, and linking the actual author in the post too.
So as far as all these new likes go, we are happy to take them… and we can only hope that they see value in the posts we write and the content we produce.
So after all that, and after the likes on our page have trickled back to a a few new ones a day now, all I can say is… Renee and I are off to have some parent sex of our own.
Oh, and if you haven’t read the original parent sex post, check it out on the authors Facebook page here.
not so secret life of us 