Babies grow and change so quickly and ours is no exception.
So we decided it might be fun to record a video each month to create a snapshot in time that we can look back on in the future.
An opportunity to capture the milestones he reached that month, funny stories, his likes and dislikes and our thoughts and feelings as parents at each stage.
This is the first instalment.
Today, is Father’s Day.
Today, is my first Father’s Day as a Father.
The day started off with a bang for my first ever Father’s Day, getting spoilt in bed with a few gifts from Renee and Jesse. All while I got to cuddle and play and laugh with our little Jesse. There is nothing that brightens my morning up more than waking up to a smiling Jesse.
After having a leisurely breakfast, we headed off to see our respective dads to wish them a happy Father’s Day.
First stop was my parents place where I not only got to wish my dad a happy Father’s Day, but my mum’s dad too. We had 4 generations there and it was great to share the morning with not only my old man, but my mum’s family.
Then it was off to see Renee’s dad for lunch.
We met up with them at Phoenix at the Bracken Ridge Tavern for some share plates and a sneaky beer.
All in all, it was an amazing first Father’s Day, and I can’t wait to celebrate many more with Jesse as he grows older.
I know that this is only a short post for me… But I think even though it is short, I’ve said all I need to say.
To all the dads out there… Happy Father’s Day!!!
Long before we had a human baby we had our fur babies.
We are both big dog lovers. We both have fond memories of growing up with dogs as kids and we think it is really important for children to have pets. It is a great way to learn about responsibility but also just an awesome companion for the whole family.
Despite being dog lovers though, our first pet together was a cat! Must have been the lure of that cute little grey kitten. Dr Grey (yes, I named her after Meredith Grey long before Taylor Swift made it cool) is now 10 years old and pretty much just does her own thing in our household. Not even sure she likes us that much!
Then there is Pacey, our crazy, lovable Malamute cross German Sheppard. He is a big hairy boy of 5 years old but still acts like a puppy sometimes. We love him so much despite the dirt track that has become our backyard.
But yesterday in the mail I received a reminder of our old boy Jack in the form of his registration renewal. Sadly, we had to put Jackson down in February this year. It was incredibly difficult but definitely the right thing to do for him. He was 15 years old, he had been in our family for half my life, but his quality of life had quickly diminished and we both knew the time had come.
He was such a cheeky boy in his younger days. He’d often follow me to school and I wouldn’t realise until about half way there and I’d have to walk him all the way home again. Then there were the times (yes, more than once) when he ate ratsack and I had to wash his mouth out with salt water whilst crying my eyes out hoping he would be OK. Then there was the time he pooped out an entire sock. Not to mention all of his escape attempts several of which landed him at the pound which is how he came to live with Kaine and I.
When we were at the vet that awful day I kept thinking about the movie ‘Marley and Me’ and how they said Marley wasn’t like regular dogs. That’s how I felt about Jack. He was one in a million.
When it came time to make the decision I knew I was the one who had to make it. Kaine had brought it up a few times as ‘Buddy’s’ health declined but I just kept hanging on and he just kept on going.
But very suddenly he could no longer walk and I knew he was just holding on for us. I had to let him be free. As I cuddled him and kissed his fury little face I whispered through tears that I was sorry and that I hoped he could forgive me. I just wished he could talk so he could tell me I was doing the right thing.
I was sad to be losing our fury little friend and I was sad that he would never get to meet our little bubba, I was five months pregnant when he went to heaven.
It was one of the toughest days but I’ll never forget Kaine’s support that day. He cried with me as we stood in the vet saying goodbye to our ‘Jacko Boy’.
A little while after that I mentioned to Kaine that it would be cool if we had a baby boy to somehow honour Jack. We had four boys names on our short list each with a different middle name. And when our little boy came into the world we just knew that ‘Jesse Jack’ was the right name for him.
So while we miss our ‘Buddy’ his memory lives on.
Last Sunday night was another rough night for Renee as far as sleep goes.
Unfortunately for us (although I’m sure Jesse loved it), our little man had a massive sleep that afternoon while we were at a family BBQ. This meant that when it came time for us to get some sleep, he was any combination of wide awake; restless; feeding; smiling; crying.
This made for a very frustrating start to what I expected to be a long night ahead for Renee.
We have a system for night times which seems to work for us most of the time. That system involves Renee getting up throughout the night to tend to Jesse (she does have the boobs after all) so that I can get a good night sleep for work the next day, and me tending to Jesse (again, when he’s not hungry and wanting to feed on account of having no boobs) when I get home and on the weekends.
This does mean however, as you would have read in Renee’s last blog post, that she hasn’t had a full nights sleep since Jesse was born.
I know she had a rough night on that Sunday night, and the next day I really wanted to let her know that she could call on me if she was at wits end and just needed a break or some sleep.
At around 10 am on Monday morning, I sent the following text message:
“Hey babe. So are you sure you’re ok today?
I just really want to stress to you that while I do appreciate how you want to make sure I get enough sleep for work, I would rather be sleepy at work for a day than have you up losing your shit at night with Jesse.
I think you’re an absolute star and a super mum, but if you’re struggling and at wits end, I am here. I WANT to help. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. That’s my role and responsibility as a dad!
Love you.”
I received a text message back minutes later telling how much just some simple words like that really meant. She went on further to say:
“You are such a great dad. In fact, everyone says what a great dad you are. I dont often get told that I am doing a good job so thank you for saying that.”
So I am here today, writing this down, to tell you that you are not just doing a good job… you are doing a phenomenal job as a new mum to our little Jesse.
I know you don’t hear it enough. From me or from others. And for that I am sorry.
But I am here, now, telling you that to me, you are Superwoman! And I promise to remember to tell you more often, just how good of a job you are doing!
You are our super mum!
It is Monday morning on August 10, 2015. It is 9:50 am.
My iPhone buzzes on my desk beside me. The buzzing sound that is all too familiar to me now. It is letting me know that someone has sent me a text message.
I unlock my iPhone and as I click into my Messages app, a video pops up on my screen. A video that Renee has sent me of our little Jesse. The video that you can see below.
It’s not the first time I’ve received a video or photo of Jesse from Renee, and I know it won’t be the last. And I will say this… I love getting sneaky little text message or Snapchat updates from Renee showing me what they are getting up to throughout the day. I actually really look forward to it, receiving photos and videos, so I can see our little Jesse while I am at work.
However, after receiving the video of Jesse from Renee on that Monday morning, something really terrified me. And that something has been constantly pulling at the back of my mind ever since receiving that video. Something that I haven’t been able to articulate, but will attempt to with this blog post.
I am absolutely terrified of missing out on important milestones in Jesse’s development and in his overall life.
Let me say this, I know that I’m not the only working dad/parent out there. And I know that I’m not the first, and certainly won’t be the last, to feel like this.
But that doesn’t make it any less real for me.
I was sitting there watching back the video of my first child, my son, my little Jesse smiling away and almost letting out his first giggle. I had a smile on my face from ear to ear and little tears were welling in my eyes at the pure joy I felt watching him smiling and being so happy. But then this wave of fear washed over me.
What if I’m not there for the time he let’s out his first little giggle? What if I’m not there the first time he laughs or to hear his first word? What if I’m not there when he rolls over for the first time? Crawls for first time? Takes his first steps?
I was terrified and angry and disappointed and sad, at the very real chance that I may not be there to witness some of these milestones. That I may be at work and have to watch his first giggle through the screen of an iPhone. Or that I may be held up on public transport and have to witness the first time he crawls on the screen of our laptop when I get home.
As far as milestones in the life of a baby, some of these might only be small ones. But to me, they’re all important. Jesse’s first giggle to me, is just as important as his first word. And the first time he rolls over is just as important as his first step.
Now I know that work is where I need to be right now. I know that I need to step up into the role of being the provider for our family. And I know that Renee is forever thankful that I have taken on this responsibility, as she has conveyed in her blog post ‘An Open Letter to Dads Returning to Work’.
But at the end of the day, even though I know I won’t entirely miss these milestones (that is the beauty of technology these days), I still can’t seem to shake that distant feeling of disappointment that I may very well not be there to witness some of them first hand. All I can say is that I am extremely thankful that we are in a position that has allowed us to extend Renee’s time away from work so that one of us will be there to witness and capture these amazing moments in Jesse’s life.
It makes me think however, that I feel sorry for all the new parents out there where both mum and dad had to return to work early. As there is a real possibility that they may both miss some of these special times in a baby’s life.
Like I mentioned earlier, I know that I’m not the only working dad/parent out there that has felt like this at one stage during parenthood, and I know I won’t be the last.
But maybe, just maybe… by writing down these thoughts someone, somewhere, might realise that they aren’t alone in feeling like this. Let’s all cherish the time we have with our children, because there will be moments that we will all inevitably miss out on.
One of the most thrilling parts of having a new baby is watching them grow, learn and discover.
Mr Jesse has recently discovered his fist….well the left one at least. Several times a day when his hand passes his face he gets fixated on it for minutes. Staring and studying it with immense fascination.
It is such a joy to watch him discovering his body and the world around him. We look forward to seeing him learn to roll, sit up and all the other precious milestones that are no doubt just around the corner.
What are your favourite milestones to watch your baby achieving?
It is done. You are officially twelve weeks old. And it has been swell, my love.
After nine beautiful months, three trimesters, of growing you in my belly every day wondering what you would be like. We have now spent the fourth trimester, your first three months in the outside world, falling in love. And I for one am smitten.
You are the sweetest little boy. I will cherish this special time we’ve had together forever. Our secret rendezvous in the middle of the night. Our delicious afternoon naps together. Carrying you close to my body making us both reminisce about those months you spent inside. And our morning snuggles in bed, my heart melting with every smile.
You have already grown so much. From a tiny, slippery bundle I could hold in my two palms to a chubby bouncing boy. The tiniest clothes were too big for you and now you are filling out your 000 outfits.
When I felt you kicking in my tummy I knew we had a special connection. When I held you for the first time I knew I loved you. But now that I know you I know that my heart now lives outside my body. When you are sad and cry my heart aches like never before. And when you smile it sings.
These past 3 months haven’t been easy have they, my love. We have had some tough times together. I know you love it out here with us but it has been hard transitioning from the warm and cosy home in my tummy and sometimes you miss it. I miss it too.
Remember our second day together? You were so hungry and we were both learning what to do. We cried together that night in hospital but we made it through.
I can’t promise that there won’t be more hard times ahead. But I can promise that we’ll be together so we’ll be alright.
My precious boy, thank you for choosing me to be your Mummy.
I love you.
We are waiting with bated breath to hear the delightful sound of Jesse’s first laugh.
He often shrieks with joy as he smiles and kicks his legs. And there have been a few times when he has smiled and had a little chuckle in his sleep but he is yet to let out a definite baby giggle.
Today’s Photo Friday is a cute video of our smiley bubba.
So for Photo Friday today, we thought that we might share some photos we have recently taken, showing the comparison between Jesse from just after birth, until just recently.
Our little Jesse is growing so quickly. Well, that’s how it seems to us. Being only around 2.6kg when he was first born, to now being 5.5kg, means that we can definitely see the difference.
He is growing and filling out more and more every day and lately, we haven’t been able to control ourselves when it comes to playing with his chubby little arms, legs and cheeks.
So how much has he grown, well have a look below and see for yourself. We think he is just getting cuter and cuter every… single… day!
Jesse at 14 days old:
Jesse at 9 weeks old:
Jesse at 10 days old:
Jesse at 10 weeks old:
The first time we worked with our photographer (and great friend) Renee Trubai was last year when she asked us to be a part of her project ‘A Love Manifesto’. The project is all about documenting love in all its forms through photographs and conversations. We immediately fell in love with the idea and couldn’t wait to be apart of it.
We chose a location that was very special to us, the beach where our wedding photos were taken. As we shared stories with Renee about our relationship and vision of the future, and the kind of parents we dreamed of being someday. I distinctly remember telling her that if we were not able to have children we would be OK because we had each other. What we didn’t say is that we had been trying for a baby for quite some time.
Deep beneath those words we spoke to Renee was actually a lot of heartache, frustration and disappointment. And by that stage I had actually begun coming to terms with the notion that it may not happen for us.
Little did we know that there were actually three of us in those photographs. We were in the very early days of pregnancy.
So needless to say, these pictures are incredibly special to us.
not so secret life of us 