Tag: Feelings

Photo Friday: Documenting A Love Story

Renee Barton1 Comment

The first time we worked with our photographer (and great friend) Renee Trubai was last year when she asked us to be a part of her project ‘A Love Manifesto’. The project is all about documenting love in all its forms through photographs and conversations. We immediately fell in love with the idea and couldn’t wait to be apart of it.

We chose a location that was very special to us, the beach where our wedding photos were taken. As we shared stories with Renee about our relationship and vision of the future, and the kind of parents we dreamed of being someday. I distinctly remember telling her that if we were not able to have children we would be OK because we had each other. What we didn’t say is that we had been trying for a baby for quite some time.

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Deep beneath those words we spoke to Renee was actually a lot of heartache, frustration and disappointment. And by that stage I had actually begun coming to terms with the notion that it may not happen for us.

Little did we know that there were actually three of us in those photographs. We were in the very early days of pregnancy.

So needless to say, these pictures are incredibly special to us.

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Dear Jesse: A Letter From Dad

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Dear Jesse,

It’s been 60 days since you came into our lives. 60 days since we finally met the little person that was growing in Renee’s belly. 60 days since I fell in love with you.

Life with you is so completely different to life before. Being responsible for a little human being is fun, challenging, rewarding, hard, exciting, overwhelming, interesting… all rolled into one big emotion that is so hard to describe. It is unlike anything I’ve ever done before. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I know it has only been 60 days and most people would say that it’s still only the beginning. I know this to be true. I know that it’s bound to get harder, but at the same time more rewarding and more fun.

I know that now I have started back at work that mummy is going to find it tougher. I can tell you that it’s tough for me too, having to leave you and mummy at home every morning as I head off in the cold to work. But I know that it is all for a good cause and as time goes on, we will be able to spend a lot more quality time together when it counts.

I know that there are going to be more challenges… more hard times… more mess… But along with that will come fun times, great experiences and memories to cherish forever.

Dear Jesse Post 2

It has been immensely gratifying getting to know you as you are. Watching you sleep. Watching how long it takes you to wake from your slumber. Laughing along with mummy at the many grunts and squeals you let out when feeding. The way you are already smiling.

I love your little fingers and toes and hands and feet. I love how wispy and blonde your hair is. I love how you sigh in your sleep. I love how I can get you to smile by playing with your bottom lip and chin.

I absolutely can’t wait to grow with you and be the dad I always imagined I’d be when mummy and I had children. Playing with you in the backyard or down at the local park. Teaching you life lessons. Playing hide and seek with you. Laughing with you. Tucking you into bed and reading you bedtime stories.

I love everything about you. To me, you are our perfect little man. I love that this is only the beginning of such a wonderful journey ahead.

Jesse, I’m so glad you are here and I can’t wait to get to know you more.

Love, Dad.

New Mum Reminder: Go Easy on Yourself!

Renee BartonLeave a comment

Our little man is two months old today. He is getting so big and changing every day.

As we get caught up in the daily rituals of nappies and meal times it feels like Jesse has been apart of our family for longer than he has. Sometimes this can lead to disappointment that I don’t quite have it all together all of the time.

Then I am reminded not be so hard on myself, after all it has only been 8 weeks!

So here are some things I think I need to be reminded of. Perhaps you can relate to some of these or add a few of your own…

  1. You are still new at this and that’s OK! You’re not expected to have it all figured out just yet. So your baby likes to be cuddled while he sleeps. He has a textbook breastfeed one time and then doesn’t want a bar of it the next. The dishes are piling up in the sink and you can’t remember the last time you cleaned the loo. Just go with it.  A stressed out Mum will only result in a stressed out bub.
  2. Some other areas of your life may have fallen by the wayside but it’s only temporary. I know you have high expectations of yourself and want to be able to be ‘Super Mum’ and do it all, all of the time. And in time you probably will. But for now, just relax and enjoy this special time. Baby steps are still progress even if it is slower than you might like.
  3. You may catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and wonder who the hell that fat, tired person is glaring back at you, but give yourself a break. You just had a baby for goodness sake! Yes there are some wobbly bits and lumps and bumps where there wasn’t before. Just focus on being healthy and happy for now and your body will soon follow.
  4. So those formula top ups you thought were temporary are still going, so what! Your baby is happy and healthy and that is all that matters. Remember this, each and every breastfeed, even if it is for just a few minutes, is doing wonders for your baby. Don’t be ashamed that you also have to give your baby bottles. You might feel like everyone is judging you but in fact other mums are probably thinking ‘Thank God, its not just me’!
  5. Trust your instincts. Sleep routines, controlled crying methods, co-sleeping, bed sharing, breasts, bottles, dummies, disposable nappies, cloth nappies, baby wearing; it seems everyone has an opinion about everything and there are so many concepts and ideas out there that at times, it can be very overwhelming. Just do what feels right. And if in the end it doesn’t work out, well, just try something else.

Just remember ‘this too shall pass’. That is both a blessing and a curse. Yes waking up several times throughout the night and a baby that won’t sleep for more than an hour on his own will eventually be things of the past. But so will those sleepy snuggles and those goofy gummy grins. So try to enjoy it all; the good, the bad and the sleep deprived.

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As women we can often be our own worst enemy. And as mothers we are often each others. Let’s cut ourselves some slack and while we are at it, be nicer to each other as well.

Breast or bottle, disposable or cloth, controlled crying or attachment parenting – no matter how we are doing it we are all going through the same things and just trying to be the best Mums we can be.

So try to be kinder to yourself and while you’re at it, give a smile or a word of encouragement to fellow Mum. It might be all she needs to brighten an otherwise stressful or frustrating day.

First Week of Work Wrap-Up

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So I officially made it through my first week back at work after my paternity leave.

Was it tough? Yes and no…

That very first Monday morning was the hardest. Having to get up at 5am for the first time in 7 weeks was hard. Having to leave Renee and Jesse for the day for the first time in 7 weeks was even harder!

But I must admit that it didn’t take me long to get back into the groove of working life.

What made the transition easy is the fact that I work with a great group of people. The team at work made me feel amazing getting back into work life, and it was a real pleasure having everyone come up asking about Jesse and how he is going.

The biggest surprise was that I never really felt tired while I was at work. Toward the end of the week, Thursday and Friday, I was feeling tired earlier in the night. But I seemed to cope fairly well while I was at work. I have to send out a huge thank you to Renee for this fact, as she is the one who gets up during the night to tend to Jesse so that I can get a good nights sleep for work the next day.

It is nearly 12pm on Sunday, and I fell like I am definitely making the most of my days at home by spending as much time as a I can with Renee and Jesse. This is more important than ever now, considering my time with them is somewhat limited during the week.

It makes me wonder how other new dads cope trying to get the best work/life balance they can with a newborn.

If you are a new dad out there, what are your experiences in trying get a good work/life balance with a newborn?

I will say this, one of the biggest things that gets me through my work day is knowing that at the end, I get to see this little guy again!

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10 Thoughts of a Sleep Deprived Mum During Night Feeds

Renee BartonLeave a comment

I’m sure other Mum’s will agree that we can have some pretty weird and wonderful thoughts when we are awake through the night tending to our little ones.

It is a special time. The rest of the house is quiet and dark. Baby cuddles up to you and stares lovingly at you with their big blue eyes whilst guzzling their midnight snack. But its not all warm and fuzzy. Literally! It has been pretty cold in Brisbane lately, peeling back the doona is even more difficult now and don’t even mention having to get your boobs out in the cold night air! It can be downright frustrating too. When all you want to do is sleep but baby is cranky, hungry, wet, cold, hot….and its your job to figure out which of these it is so that you can both get back to sleep as soon as possible.

So, here are 10 thoughts I’m sure we’ve all have whilst fulfilling this motherly duty.

  1. My life sucks right now.
  2. Has it been 3 hours already??
  3. Shit its cold!
  4. Awww….look at my husband sound asleep completely oblivious to everything….asshole!
  5. I am the luckiest Mummy in the world….and boy do I make cute babies!
  6. My life is awesome right now.
  7. I wonder what is happening on Facebook at 3am…..hmmm, not much!
  8. Ok, please settle so we can get back to sleep now.
  9. I’m sooo bloody tired! OMG, am I ever going to sleep though the night again ever?!
  10. Great, we’re done….well at least until you wake me up again in a few hours time and we do it all again.

All jokes aside, we wouldn’t have it any other way would we mums? As we pat their backs and kiss their faces and smell their heads, we know we are the luckiest (albeit tired-est) mummies in the world.

Thoughts during the night

Thoughts On Going Back To Work

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So it’s Sunday 12 July, 2015. Tomorrow, I head back to work after having the last 7 weeks off for the birth of our little Jesse Jack Barton.

Oh dear… To say I am a little unprepared for my return to work is probably an understatement.

The past 7 weeks have been absolutely amazing. It’s been nothing but an absolute joy getting to know our little Jesse and getting used to life as a new family of 3. It’s been 7 weeks of getting out of bed when my eyes open… Sitting back and watching Jesse all day everyday… Being able to do what we want as a family during the week…

But come Monday, it’s back to the daily grind.

It’s going to be tough getting back into the routine of heading off to work early and coming home late. It makes me wonder how other new dads out there have handled that transition of being on leave with a new baby to going back to work.

The one thing I am going to miss the most, is being able to spend so much time with Renee and Jesse. Spending time as a new family. Especially because Renee has the rest of the year off. Which also makes my transition a little easier because I know that she will be there for Jesse while she continues her journey of being a new mum.

I will say that heading back to work won’t be too hard (despite the early mornings, as I said before), as the people I work with are great. I’ve built some good relationships with my work colleagues. And I’m not one of these people who hates where I work.

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I know that I will have plenty of support and sympathy from my work mates during my first week back. Many of my colleagues have kids, so I know that the first couple of days will be full of catch ups and photo sharing and sifting through emails. I also know that if I fall asleep at my desk, I won’t get in too much trouble. They may even just let me nap.

In all seriousness, I know that I need to go back to work. While I love being at home and spending time with my new family, I know that I now need to take on the responsibility of providing for my family. I need to be the one that works to make sure that Renee can spend as much time at home with our little Jesse as possible.

I know that Renee won’t mind that I am heading off early to work and getting home late. Because in the end, we will be able to spend important time as a family down the track.

Just don’t talk to me when I wake up on Monday morning at 5am!!! Maybe just give me a couple of hours…

An Open Letter to Dads Returning to Work

Renee Barton3 Comments

Next week Kaine will be returning to work and I am nervous to say the least.  I am wondering how I am going to handle things on my own without someone to share nappy duty with, without the chest which Jesse loves to fall asleep on and without someone to keep up the housework and bring me things when I’m breastfeeding.  But most of all how I’m going to cope without my person with me, my best friend, my husband.

But as hard as it will be for me, I know it will be even more difficult for him to leave us every morning and spend a large part of the day away from us.  Especially after enjoying such precious family time over the last 7 weeks.

So here are my words to my husband about his returning to work. Perhaps there are other women that feel this way about their spouse also so this is my open letter to working Dads.

To My Dear Husband,

The time we have spent together recently has been so special. The opportunity to be together every day as a new family while we navigate the challenges and joys of being parents has been incredible. I didn’t know I could love you more than I already did but seeing you as a Dad and the way you are with our baby, and with me, has deepened my love for you in ways I could not have anticipated.

But soon you will be returning to work. I know this will be difficult for you and that you will wish you were at home with us but I want you to know that work is exactly where your family needs you to be, at least for now.

Each day you leave our house please know that we love you and appreciate all you do to provide for us and ensure we are happy and healthy. We will miss you and the moment you arrive home will be our favourite part of the day.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to continue staying at home to care for our son. I know it is incredibly important to the both of us, and to us as a family, to be with him as much as possible and provide him with the best start in life.

So until a time when we are able to spend all of our days together again; we thank you.

Lovingly yours,

Wifey for Lifey

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Close To My Heart

Renee Barton1 Comment

If your news feed is anything like mine this past week it has been filled with pride rainbows and celebrations of the US’ decision to legalise same sex marriage. Though I haven’t updated my profile photo with a rainbow, marriage equality is very close to my heart. I am absolutely an ally and 100% support the right for same-sex marriage.

I hold marriage in the highest esteem and it is something that is of the utmost importance to me. One of my most cherished roles is being a wife. And calling Kaine ‘my husband’ brings me such pride and happiness. I don’t believe that anyone should be denied that opportunity.

To me, marriage is so much more than a piece of paper or a wedding day (although weddings are awesome and everyone should have the opportunity to have their dream day!). It is a deep commitment and an exclusive promise to love and share your life with another human. It is having that one person, a partner in life, that you can truly be yourself with, grow with and share this crazy adventure we call life with.

It actually baffles me that this is even an issue in this day and age. Its pathetic!

From a young age I have had many gay people in my life, some of whom are my closest friends. And it breaks my heart that they are denied a basic human right like marrying the person they love. I was reminded of this recently when attending a friend’s wedding. It was such a beautiful, special occasion but as I looked around the room I became very aware that many people there were witness to an experience that they themselves can’t have… because its illegal… how ridiculous!

I don’t write this to spark some sort of debate as I honestly don’t believe there is one.

The simple fact is, there is no excuse for this stupidity any more. It’s time.

#LOVEWINS

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Photo Friday: Baby Barton Diaries – The Final Chapter

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

What’s this? Another video for Photo Friday? You betcha!

Throughout our pregnancy, we uploaded a series of videos called ‘Baby Barton Diaries’. Well, as you are all aware, our pregnancy journey came to an end just over 4 weeks ago when we welcomed little Jesse Jack to the world.

Yesterday we recorded the final Baby Barton Diary entry where we talk about the labour and delivery, our experiences at the hospital and my infamous ‘Cigars, Scotch and Cards’ night to celebrate the birth of Jesse.

Because of it’s length, it ended up becoming 2 separate videos (Part One and Part Two). So that said, we hope you enjoy the 2 part finale of our ‘Baby Barton Diaries’ video series.

Part one:

Part Two:

If you are interested in seeing any of the previous videos we did throughout our pregnancy, you can check them out on the Baby Barton YouTube Playlist HERE.

Happy One Month Birthday

Renee Barton3 Comments

We have a four week old baby. Yup, we have managed to navigate our way through parenthood for one whole month. And fairly successfully I would say.

Most say by the six week mark we will finally emerge from the haze that is life with a newborn. That sounds about right too as I don’t quite think we are there yet. However we have started to find a rhythm and even on the most difficult days there is still so much to be joyful about. Jesse is starting to smile a lot so that is all that we need to brighten our day and lift our spirits.

He is also starting to spend more time awake. Instead of just feeding and sleeping we now have a sprightly and curious bub for several hours a day. So we have been finding ways we can interact with him and help him develop.

You’ll find us giving Jesse a blow by blow of everything we are doing from changing his nappy and clothes to a running commentary of the Brisbane Broncos game.

And today we have pulled out his new play mat and a multitude of rattles and toys (all which were gifts from family and friends) so that we can start some play time with him.

I have no idea whether it is too early for all of that, but he already seemed to really like the shiny colours and interesting noises of the toys hanging across his carrier. And then it all must have got too much for him because he soon fell fast asleep. A win-win I suppose.

One Month Old Photo

I was hoping not to be one of those parents that wishes their child doesn’t grow up and instead just relish in every stage and every age. But even four weeks in I am starting to have those thoughts. He has already changed so much since he was born and pretty soon he will be too big for his 00000 clothes.

A reminder that no matter how monotonous or challenging some days may feel, this too shall pass. So drink it all in and cherish all the beautiful moments. And the tough ones too.