So this video is a little old… but it is still definitely worth sharing. It is from the first time we were able to get Jasper to really laugh.
Daddy was being very silly… Jasper was being completely adorable… And the end result was this damn cute video of him cracking up laughing for the first time!
Remember to sit down, take a breath, and enjoy the simple things in life… like giggling babies!
On 23 January 2017, someone decided to write a post called ‘Dad Bod: It’s time to go!’
That someone was me.
My post went something a little like this:
“Blah blah blah I’m not going to beat around the bush… I have officially (by my own admittance) reached fat bastard status! I got to that point where I realised I had two options available moving forward regarding my diet and my weight. Either stop eating… or buy a whole new wardrobe full of clothes. And let’s face it, to stop eating is definitely the cheaper way to go!”
“Blah blah blah I mean, it’s pretty bad. Like so bad that the t-shirts I own look like they’re about 2 sizes to small when I wear them. If I start to raise my arms it looks like I’m wearing a midriff! Plus none of my pants fit! We went to the Redcliffe Lagoon just before New Years and I couldn’t do them up. I have buttons popping open on shorts and I even had to use a hair tie on the top button of a pair of jeans because I couldn’t get it done up! Yes, a hack I learned from my pregnant wife.”
“Blah blah blah I’ve embraced the Dad Bod for long enough. All the delicious food and the cold beers and the tasty burgers and the amazing chocolate and the delightful doughnuts and the… IT’S TIME TO STOP!!!”
Pretty convincing stuff right. Well, I must have thought so at the time, because I was clearly fired up enough to put down in writing that I was going to lose the dad bod and gain a six pack that would give Zac Efron a run for his money! I was making claims like I was going to be the next inspirational body transformation story to go viral around the world and have everyone asking me “How did you do it?” I was talking like I was going to be the next Instagram male fitness model with abs of steel, calves that could cut through glass, biceps that would make The Rock jealous and an ego to match.
Fast forward to the end of June and I’m now peaking at 90kg in weight, I haven’t given up any of the bad foods I said I was going to give up, I’m drinking more beer than I did at Christmas and New Years, I’ve had to buy the next size up in underwear, and I’ve had to buy half a wardrobes worth of clothes that actually fit me.
I think I’ve practically just given up trying to lose weight and get back to my peak fitness level. It’s like I’ve just thrown up the middle finger with a “f*** it… I’m having cake and beer!” I mean, cake and beer is freaking delicious!!! Who doesn’t want cake and beer! Just throw in some mac and cheese, dark chocolate, a full family bag of cheese supreme Doritos and some ice cream and you have a bloody good night in at home on the couch watching some Netflix!
Losing weight is just so damn hard these days. I mean, I never really thought that being in my early thirties would have that much of an impact on my health and fitness but f***… it’s like my body just turns whatever I eat to fat and stores it there for an eternity.
So bugger it… I’m just going to keep enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still exercise and sh**… but I think I’m going to give up on the dream of being the next Arnold Schwarzenegger!
With that said, I’ve got to go… I’ve got a 7/11 Slurpee and king size Mars bar calling my name!
Something funny happened in our house last night.
Something that is the result of two tired parents, at night, doing their best, trying to get the kids to bed.
So, as is normally the case of an evening/night in the Barton household at the moment, Renee was feeding and nursing Jasper while I was playing with Jesse and making us dinner. On Saturday night while we were out for my Mum’s Birthday, Jesse found a skill tester full of bouncy balls. $1 later and some serious skill tester skills on my part, Jesse was the proud owner of a small, red bouncy ball which hasn’t left his sight since we got home that night. So last night, Daddy and Jesse were bouncing said bouncy ball back and forth to each other for hours, much to Jesse’s delight.
Anyways, so we eventually got organised and got both boys ready for bed.
Our normal routine of an evening is once the boys are ready for bed, and once Jesse has had enough playtime and starts showing signs of being tired, one of us will take him into our bedroom and lay with him on our bed with a bottle while he falls asleep. Well, last night it didn’t quite play out that way.
We got the boys ready for bed… we let Jesse continue playing… and Renee took him into our room for a bottle and sleep time. 7 minutes later, the door opens and out strolls Jesse wide eyed and bushy tailed! Ok, fair enough, not quite ready for bed yet.
So it was more bouncy ball play time, as Jesse and I sat at opposite ends of the kitchen and continued to bounce it to each other.
A little while later, and it was my turn. So it was into the bedroom, sans bottle, for the second attempt… … … We didn’t even last 5 minutes this time!
Back out we go for more play time.
About 30 minutes later, Jesse finally takes me by the hand, requests another bottle and then leads me into the bedroom. By this stage, it’s somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00pm and well past Jesse’s bedtime. It’s all good though. Hopefully he falls asleep pretty quickly and I’ll be able to sneak out in time to see the end of MasterChef.
I remember laying down beside him, feeling him snuggling into me as he chugged his bottle down. I remember him handing me the empty bottle, putting it on the side table, and then snuggling back into him as he rolled over to get comfortable. And then…
Well, the next thing I remember is Renee nudging me in the arm to wake me up. “Hey… we both fell asleep and it’s now 10pm” she says to me as I try and comprehend where I am and what’s happened.
“What?! Did I really fall asleep” I say back to her, convinced she is lying. I’m sure I remember thinking about stuff while I lay here. Or was it a dream…
Oh well… that folks, is how parenting is done. Where the person with the most energy at 8pm on a Sunday night is your 2 year old toddler. And when you both fall asleep trying to put the kids to bed and miss the end of Australia’s best amateur cooking show, MasterChef. Who had the three best dishes? Who had the worst three dishes? Who the hell was the guest chef? These are all questions I may never get the answers to…
Like I said at the start of this post, something funny happened last night. It was the result of two tired parents, just doing our best.
So, what’s in store tonight? Well, I can let you know how we go if you like, although, there is one thing I do know… I can’t miss the ending of another episode of Australia’s favourite show about cooking things, MasterChef (not really, because really, who gives a sh*t about who had the best dish when you can snuggle with your 2 year old in bed!).
When Jesse was just 14 days old, our amazing photographer Renee Trubai came to our home and photographed us and our little boy. She captured the rawness of us as brand new parents and all the wonder that is a brand new baby.
This time we were left to our own devices (literally) to photograph Jasper as Renee tends to her two month old twins.
We’re trying desperately not to fall into the trap of having a million photos of the first born and none of the second, but it can be tricky at times!
But 4 weeks and 4 days old, we finally got around to taking a few shots. Using our own camera, a tripod and Kaine’s iPhone (which we had to crop out of some pics!), we managed to get a few nice ones for the photo book.
This one is particularly hilarious to us because instead of looking like a delicate newborn like Jesse did, Jasper is a chunky monkey complete with arm rolls! Super cute though!
Oh yea, and Renee, we tried our hardest, but nothing compares to the photos you take. WE NEED OUR AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHER BACK!!! 😝😂
So fellas, you thought negotiating sex during pregnancy was difficult? For nine months you and your partner battled your way through despite the nausea, tiredness, raging hormones and growing belly. Not to mention for many guys, the fear of stabbing your unborn child or somehow risking the pregnancy (which by the way, you can’t).
Well now the baby is out and you are keen to reignite the passion in the bedroom. But let me just say, you now have a whole host of other things to deal with, and you may need to be a little understanding if your lady isn’t as eager to ‘get back on the saddle’ so to speak.
So there’s the obvious… A baby has recently emerged from her body, quite possibly from the same area you wish to become reacquainted with, so she may need some time to heal and feel like herself again. Particularly if the birth was traumatic for her.
She may also be still getting used to the way her body looks in the mirror now. We know you think we’re sexy no matter what and we love that. It might just take a bit longer for us to agree with you.
Secondly, the boobs that you are dying to squeeze because, well let’s face it, they’re huge! Yup, those boobs are probably sore and sensitive. So go easy! I know, she’s constantly teasing you by having them out, right there, in front of you, all the damn time, but be warned, this is to feed your newborn child only – DO NOT TOUCH!
And perhaps the biggest mood killer, she’s really damned tired. Not just the ‘had a big day at work’ kind of tired. But the sheer exhaustion that comes from night after night after night of broken sleep and the endless demand of being at someone’s beck and call 24/7. The kind of tired where if you dare roll toward her suggestively as she finally crawls into bed and is already thinking about when she’ll have to get up for the next feed, you may not live to make any more babies.
So as much as you want to reconnect with your lady, she probably wants to reconnect with herself first. She’s probably craving for just 30 minutes of alone time. To not be touched, not have a hungry baby in her arms or a toddler watching her pee. To take her time in the shower instead of rushing because the baby is crying. Time to get her brows waxed or shave her legs.
It’s these small things that help us to get our sexy back! Just sayin’!
And the more you guys get it, the more you’ll get it. Get it… *wink wink*.
There is nothing more irresistible to a new mum than her man taking the kids for a bit and insisting she have some quality ‘me’ time. Oh and make her a coffee or pour a glass of wine for her every now and again. And then make sure she has her hands free to actually enjoy it.
Sex after childbirth may seem ever elusive and probably a little scary, but these little things can go a long way to making sure you both get what you need.
Wow… what a journey it’s already been on this ride we call the ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’.
Last week, we posted on Facebook that we had almost hit 600 likes. We promised that when we did hit that magic 600 likes, that we would release a special video to celebrate.
Well, we did it! We hit 600 likes! WOOO HOOO!!! That is 600 of you out there in internet land that have taken the time out of your busy lives to visit our humble little page, read our humble little blog or watch our humble little YouTube channel. And for that, we say thank you.
So, as was promised, here is the special video for the celebration of this wonderful milestone! A video that we had enormous fun filming and editing. A video that we are actually quite proud of. A video that we enjoying watching back as much as we enjoyed filming.
A video called, ’10 things you may not know about us…’
Again, thank you to everyone who has supported us on any of the many social media platforms we use. We really do appreciate it.
Enjoy the video…
Kaine & Renee
Our house is in turmoil! Okay, so maybe it’s not quite that bad, but it is. Our house is in TURMOIL!!! Throughout this week, our happy go lucky (for the most part) boy has been not so happy or lucky. He’s been quite the opposite. Clingy… Sad… Cranky… Sleepy…
Jesse is unfortunately, not a happy bubba… Jesse is sick. And I’m not just talking teething symptoms or head cold sick… I’m talking a projectile vomiting, diarrhoea inducing, inconsolable crying and just plain miserable kind of sick. The kind of sick that you wish you could just heal them from instantly, even if it meant taking on the symptoms yourself.
While our little fella Jesse has been out of sorts for a little while, it has been the last few days that his symptoms increased in severity. What started out with what appeared to be just teething symptoms, turned into a scene straight from the movie ‘The Exorcist’!
It all started when we brought him into our bed on Wednesday night so we could lay with him while he fell asleep. It’s what we do every night. We love that time laying with him, listening to each breath and hearing that transition from being awake to that slow heavy breathing when he finally fell asleep. But not that night. There was a different plan for us that night.
Instead of hearing his breathing slow down while he fell into slumber, we were instead met with the sound of him heaving followed by projectile vomiting all over me and all through our bed. I had no idea this much liquid could come out of such a small human being! It was everywhere… all over me… through the sheets… over our pillows… and it was 9pm so the last thing we wanted to deal with was a vomit soaked bed. It was lucky that we had just recently invested in a mattress protector.
I tell you what… you have never seen two people jump out of bed quicker than when your toddler decides it’s the perfect place to unload a gallon of vomit.
Despite the start to the night, we survived the rest of it until the next morning when the diarrhoea, and more vomiting came. The diarrhoea wasn’t so bad to deal with… his nappies were holding up sufficiently. However, is delicate little bottom was another story. His poor bottom looks like it’s been smeared with a Ghost Pepper it’s that red. And every time he passed wind, it would inevitably end up with follow through which would end in crying and screaming because of how red and raw his delicate little bottom was.
And then on top of that, we again had to deal with projectile vomit. Luckily, he chose the tiled floor as his canvas this time, so the damage was minimised. Until later that night, when he decided Renee was the perfect target this time… with more vomit… and more crying.
RIGHT!!! THAT’S IT!!! Time for a home doctor visit…
Fortunately, there isn’t anything majorly wrong… it doesn’t seem to be a virus… he isn’t dehydrated… the only think we can really put it down too was we changed his formula. Since changing him back to his regular formula, the vomiting has seemed to stop and the diarrhoea seems to be less frequent.
But he is still in a sort of zombie-like state where he just seems really lethargic and run down.
Luckily, we have endless episodes of Pingu and Twirly Woos to keep him content while he battles through it. Isn’t streaming just the best invention ever! I mean who doesn’t want to just lie around binge watching tellie when they’re sick?!
And on that note, isn’t being sick just the worst… but watching your little one be sick and not being able to do much to help… that is heartbreaking!!!
When Jesse was younger (not that he’s all that old now… hahaha), he used to love it when I would lay him on my chest, play music videos on my iPhone and sing along.
And it would appear that lately, he has started to enjoy this once again.
But its not just any music videos that he will lay there to enjoy while he drifts off to sleep… oh no… it MUST be twenty one pilots videos. He just LOVES twenty one pilots!
As soon as he hears the beginning of Heathens start playing, he runs over to me with a grin from ear to ear, climbs up on my chest, gets comfortable and just enjoys the music and my singing (as horrible as it is) while he drifts off to sleep.
Heathens… Stressed Out… Lane Boy… heavydirtysoul… he loves them all.
Now I don’t really know if the music video for Heathens is the most appropriate video for an almost 2 year old to watch, but hey… at least he likes good music right!!!
We don’t often write about sex. After all, many of our readers are our relatives. But let’s be real, we are having our second baby so even our parents know we’ve had sex at least twice!
When you’ve been married a long time like we have, sex is fairly predictable. Not in a bad way by any means, you just know what works. You know each other’s needs so well you can pretty much just assume positions and get it done… so to speak.
It’s lovely and familiar and satisfying… But predictable.
But then something throws a spanner in the works. You’ve heard of parent sex right? You know, that ‘hurry up and get your pants off, the kids are finally occupied or asleep’ sex. The type of sex that’s more about speed and efficiency rather than foreplay, intimacy and taking ones time…
Well pregnancy sex is a whole other challenge entirely. And pregnant-parent sex… well that’s just funny really.
It all started when we finally had our bed to ourselves again last night. Yes! Hurdle number one overcome. Jesse was asleep, and he was asleep in his own bed. Time to make the most of the opportunity. Who knows if (or when) he will wake up and want back into our bed!
However, we quickly realised hurdle number two. Pregnancy. You know that familiar and predictable yet satisfying sex we talked about earlier? Well, it no longer works when you’ve got a huge belly to accommodate. Just rolling over is a struggle let alone trying to be sexy and getting into a position that’s comfortable and…. ahem…. effective.
Oh well, not to be perturbed we pressed on.
Just when we think we’ve found our groove…..dammit… leg cramp. That’s ok. Let’s keep going. Shit… butt cramp. Hang on, let me roll over for a second.
“Ok, let’s try something else. What about we try getting into a position that’s more comfortable?” he says.
Yup, great… let’s do that! Again, not to be perturbed by mood killing cramps mid-session, we fumble our way in the dark. Only slightly resembling a beached whale and sea world rescuer.
Who cares! We press on with the knowledge we might not get the opportunity again for a while. And it’s only going to get more difficult! Initially by a larger bump as we head towards D-day, but then by being parents of two under two.
But as for last night, yes it was funny… no it wasn’t the most romantic time we’ve had. But we got the job done!
High fives all round because we just had pregnancy sex and it was awkwardly great!
Let’s talk about Peppa Pig…
Yes. That’s right, this whole post is dedicated to the one and only… Peppa Pig. That infuriatingly frustrating children’s program that you just can’t seem to get away from once you have kids!
Well it would seem that, as we may have mentioned before, Jesse is a big fan of good old Peppa and George Pig. So much so that sometimes, it’s the only thing that will settle him down when he’s in a bad state with teething pain or if he’s sick or if he’s cranky. Now before the ‘Parenting Police’ come marching out of the woodwork and start chastising us for allowing our toddler to have screen time… I would like to say that we are aware of the negative impacts screen time can have on children under two, we do feel bad that he has screen time, we do however monitor his screen time, and that at the end of the day screen time is just part of modern day parenting.
That all said, he loves Peppa Pig… Sassy attitude and all. And with the amount of Peppa Pig we have consumed as a result of being parents, there are a few things that I have learnt along the way. Now, don’t take this as a be all and end all list… these are just a few of the observations I’ve made and/or things I’ve learnt along the way…
So, my fellow parents… what about you? What children’s shows are your kids addicted to? What shows have you seen so many times that the images have been permanently burned onto your retina?
What shows do you absolutely 100% despise, but will find yourself sitting there and watching with your kids and secretly enjoying it.
And with that, I will say goodbye… because I’m off to watch some more Peppa Pig!
not so secret life of us 