Before we got sucked into the void that was Christmas and New Year’s we recorded Jesse’s six month milestones video.
We reckon it was our hardest month yet that we’ve experienced as parents. There were tears and tantrums a plenty and that was just from us!
There was a leap, teething, bottle refusal, cluster feeds, night waking (more so than usual) and a screaming match before bed almost every night.
But, we made it through. Check out the video below.
What kept you sane during the tough months?
And we’re back!
We kind of fell off the radar for a while there amongst the Christmas and New Year black hole. Those two weeks where you don’t even know what day of the week it is and you wind up eating and drinking waaaay too much!
So here’s a little catch up…
Jesse’s first Christmas was so enjoyable. He received loads of pressies from family and friends though he mostly just enjoyed eating the wrapping paper! He got an extra special gift on Christmas morning… the most adorable, (and sharp!) little, white toothy-peg peering up from his bottom gum.
We followed that up with our annual New Year’s trip to the Bunya Mountains. We basically ate ourselves stupid for 5 days and enjoyed the company of some family in one of the many beautiful houses there. See what we got up to here.
Let me just say, staying up until midnight to greet the new year is certainly a lot more difficult these days. Perhaps the last seven months of broken sleep and a significant decrease in alcohol intake has something to do with it!
Despite that though, we did manage to ring in 2016 and it is shaping up to be an incredible year.
We have already kicked off the year with some spring cleaning (is it still called that if it is in 30 degree summer heat?) at home starting with our home office. After it being the place I spent eight hours a day for the last five years working as a business consultant (before becoming a Mum), I will not be returning to my job next month as we had originally planned.
Instead I will be embarking on an exciting new venture with Jesse as my business partner. More on that to come but we are very excited and for us as a family, it feels like one of those opportunities that crops up at just the right time and though completely different to the original plan, ends up being a perfect fit.
We also have some big plans for NSSLOU this year too. We thank you so much for supporting us so far. With so much content on the interweb we really do appreciate you taking the time to read our little diddies and share your personal experiences and words of encouragement with us.
When we started this project we wanted to create something unique. A space to not only share our parenting experiences but also bring together all elements of our life: parenthood, married life, work, fun, travel and adventure as a collective that is the ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’. In the hopes that we might be able to bring a little bit of sunshine to your day, make you laugh (or cry) and maybe provide us all with a little bit of comfort that we aren’t the only ones when it comes to life’s many twists and turns. So hopefully we are doing that and can continue to as we embark on the second half of our first year as parents.
We are so excited for the year ahead. We hope in amongst all the festive season fun you too have found some time to reflect on the year that was and plan for 2016. Give yourself permission to dream up some weird and wonderful goals for the year and make it your best year yet!
Happy New Year!
A few days ago marked 10 years of living in our home.
On the 21st December, 2005 we were just a couple of kids moving into our first home. At just 21 years old there was definitely a sense of pride and accomplishment in purchasing our own home. It wasn’t much, a three bedroom low set brick, nothing fancy. But we loved it and were so excited to be officially starting our life together.
While living here we have married, had three pets (one of whom we miss very much) and two foster dogs, welcomed several guests requiring solace (some for a night or two and some for longer), been on four overseas trips, had multiple job changes one of which saw me working out of our home for the past five years. And most recently we became a family of three under this roof.
Though we have big plans for our ultimate dream home this place will always be special to us. And a place we’ll call home for a while yet.
There are many tell-tale signs that you have become a parent. Some are obvious. Yes, that small human being that’s constantly hanging around you now is your child. And some that may have happened subtly over time. Like the increase of toys scattered on the lounge room floor and the ever-growing dark circles under your eyes.
We have certainly noticed a lot of changes in our lives since becoming parents. And we’re only six months in!
So here’s what I’ve found.
You know you’re a parent when…
And, for good measure, number 11 is that despite all this you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even on the toughest days a smile, giggle or cuddle from the small human makes being a parent totally awesome.
A friend said to me recently that of all the people she knows who have children, none of them have ever said ‘Oh, don’t do it, it’s not really worth it’.
I was oddly comforted as I realised she was right. I too have never heard any parents say it wasn’t worth it.
So while it might be bloody hard at times, anything worth doing usually is.
This Christmas, is our first as parents.
This Christmas, is Jesse’s first.
This Christmas, is not going to be like any other Christmas’ we have ever had before… and we can’t wait!
Christmas with children is fun. We’ve seen the movies! And we remember what Christmas was like when we we’re kids. It was the best time of year! Waking up to find all the presents Santa had delivered, under the Christmas tree waiting for us to open them.
And even spending time with some of our family who have kids. Just seeing the absolute joy on their faces at Christmas time when they get to open Christmas gifts from Santa and loved ones.
But how much is too much? How do you not go too overboard when getting gifts for your children.
I was recently talking to my sister-in-law who told me about this great tradition that they’ve implemented for gift giving at Christmas. The four gift rule.
When we were talking about it, I absolutely loved the idea of the four gift rule. For a lot of reasons, but mainly because it’s a simple tradition that we can start this Christmas, and keep for many more Christmas’ to come!
So what are your favourite Christmas traditions?
We would love to hear all about how other families spend Christmas and any traditions you have.
In the past, both on this blog and in general conversation with people we know, we have often talked about how Jesse is a really cruisy baby. And about how lucky we have been because he’s such a happy baby.
“Nah, he hardly ever cries”, we would say. “He’s a pretty chilled baby”.
Well, all that has changed. Our once chilled, happy, easy going baby has turned into a restless, upset, cranky, screaming bubba that is often hard to settle. The culprit? Based on all the evidence we have and research we’ve undertaken, the most likely explanation is that he is starting to go through teething.
So with that, I would like to say that this past week of parenting for us, has been hard. Hard because after becoming accustomed to having such a happy, well behaved baby for the better part of the past 6 months, it has been a little difficult coming to terms with and adjusting to a baby that is cranky and unsettled a lot of the time.
But while it has been hard for us both, it has been especially hard for Renee. When you are a stay-at-home mum and have a baby that demands your full attention for so much of the day and night, it can start to take its toll. But Renee has soldiered on. Being a pillar of support for Jesse and also being a rock for me when I get stressed. And for this reason, words can’t even begin to express my gratitude toward Renee for this.
That said, there is one (huge) thing that both Renee and I need to consider and reflect on. And that is that Jesse is not doing this just for the hell of it. He is not putting us through our paces as parents just because he feels like it. Jesse is genuinely upset, unhappy, and in pain.
When he is uncontrollably crying and just won’t settle down no matter what we try. It’s because he is in discomfort and in pain.
When he keeps waking up every couple of hours during the night because he is unsettled. It’s because he just wants a cuddle and to be comforted.
When he won’t settle in my arms no matter what I do, but will stop crying when he gets his mummy. I need to realise that it’s not that he doesn’t like me. It’s just that he wants his mummy at that moment. Mostly I think, because mummy has the boobs.
And when he won’t take his bottle no matter how many different ways we try to give it to him. It’s because his gums are sensitive and hurt. But taking comfort in knowing that he is still getting nourishment through puree’s and mummy’s boobs.
We know that babies have limited communication skills. So when it comes to communicating with mums and dads, the only thing babies can really do is cry. And for this reason, we do know that for the moment, the constant crying and unsettled nature is just his way of communicating that something is just not quite right.
I will at this point say this. We aren’t naive about the struggles of having a newborn. We are well aware that there will be parents out there that have had unsettled babies since they were born. Babies with colic. Babies with reflux. The fact that we are going through this rough patch isn’t even a blip compared to what some parents go through with their own babies.
And these parents in our eyes, deserve to be commended. We can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to have a baby that cries all the time. You must be super parents to be able to navigate your way through the days with a constantly unsettled bubba.
I hereby dub you ‘Super Mum’ and ‘Super Dad’! High five!
I know that the mere fact we have had such a happy and healthy baby leading up to this dreaded teething period has been an absolute blessing. And really, in the grand scheme of things, we really don’t have anything to complain about. And despite the fact that he is going through an unsettled period, he still does give us glimpses of his usual self (happy go lucky Jesse), he is healthy, and he is still bloody cute.
But it’s still tough… Being first time parents and never experiencing this before, ever, and trying to get a grasp of and work through this rough period with Jesse is tough. But I have absolute faith that together, as a unit, we are strong and will work through it and come out the other side with an even happier baby than we had before.
And to all my fellow mums and dads out there (especially the first timers)… we got this! We can do this! And if there is only one thing that you get from this post, I hope it’s that you are not alone in your struggles! Everyone goes through rough patches.
So let’s support each other and get through this together!
We got this!
The other week, I had the pleasure of attended a number of seminars for work based around health and wealth. One of the sessions I was grateful for the opportunity to attend on the day, was called ‘The Power of Positive Parenting’.
This session, which was presented by Professor Matt Sanders, was about an initiative called the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). More specifically, what it is… how it works… how we can get involved… and how it can benefit families with young children.
So what is Triple P? Well, if you look at the official website it says that “Triple P helps you manage your child’s behaviour, emotions and development in a way that isn’t hurtful. You will build strong relationships, communicate well and encourage the kind of behaviour you want to see. Triple P is one of the few parenting programs in the world with evidence to show it works for most families.”
It certainly sounded like Triple P was something that both Renee and I would be interested in, particularly because it seemed to reflect our own thoughts and feelings on the style of parenting we wanted to implement in Jesse’s upbringing.
The Triple P website mentions that when implementing the positive parenting program, there are five key principles. These principles are:
At the session, Professor Sanders was able to expand on what these principles are, and what they involve for parents looking to raise their children in a safe and positive environment. And with every principle he covered, I started to admire the Triple P philosophy and program more and more. It really got me thinking about the discussions Renee and I have had regarding how we wanted to approach parenting. I then began to see how this positive parenting approach could work in with our approach.
Professor Sanders also covered off on a lot of parenting examples that are taught through the Triple P program. And while they are certainly too long to list in a blog post, the examples he gave really spoke to me. A lot of these examples were things that Renee and I had previously discussed, with the intention of implementing them into our parenting style and approach.
Things like the fact that a lot of positive praise is okay!
That you make family a priority and make sure you give your children your full attention at least once every day. Even if it is only for a couple of minutes, while they show you something they have done.
Encourage your child’s learning. Don’t solve every problem for them. Talk to them and run through how they might be able to solve it on their own.
Use consistent and assertive discipline. Don’t be aggressive. If they do misbehave, ask them questions like “how do you think what you just did impacts on others?”
And always create a warm, loving and safe environment which encourages your children to shine.
While I have often heard of being a peaceful parent, I will admit that this session was the first time I had heard of the term, being a positive parent. And while many of the strategies and principles may be very similar between these two parenting styles, I really think that a blend of the two is what Renee and I are aiming for with our parenting approach to Jesse.
And while I can sit here as I type this and say that yes, this is absolutely the strategy that Renee and I are going to use in raising Jesse… the fact is that we will still get things wrong. We will still make mistakes. And we also understand that parenting needs to be fluid. You might have a parenting game plan, but you will need to adapt and be willing to make it up on the fly.
But what we have both come to realise, is that having a good foundation to build upon is a great way to approach parenting. And that is what Triple P is offering. A foundation for us to build upon. Somewhere to start. Because being that we are new parents, this is a whole new world for us.
And the best thing of all, is the information we have that is right at our fingertips. Available on-line. Anywhere… Any time… The perfect companion while we tackle this epic new adventure of being first time parents.
And while this whole parenting thing at the moment is pretty much a breeze (on account of the fact that Jesse is still just a little too young to be rebelling against anything except for pureed sweet potato), I know that the strategies we learn today through the Triple P program, will come in very handy in the future.
There is one thing I know for sure though. And that is that I am very excited about raising Jesse to be the man that I know he can and will be.
We can’t quite believe that Jesse is six months old today. Happy half birthday little man!
This past month we have seen so many changes in him. He is getting so big and is learning new things every day.
He has found his feet and loves to grab them when laying down and try to put them in his mouth. And he has also found his voice and loves to test just how loud he can squeal.
Roll the tape…
After kind of a rough morning, it is now Jesse’s nap time and all is quiet in the house.
For a moment I think about how I’d love to just flop on the couch, switch on some Netflix and just mentally recharge before round two. And then I look over to the kitchen and notice the bottles that need washing up. I then remember that load of baby clothes that’s still in the machine that need hanging up to dry. And my thoughts then turn to my next blog post which unfortunately isn’t going to write itself.
Nap time then becomes a mission to get as much done as humanly possible before he wakes up and the cycle starts again.
I tell you what… they are right when they say that being a mum is the most rewarding yet most difficult job in the world! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. As hard as it is on some days for the stay-at-home parent, it is equally as challenging for the one who’s at work all day.
On mornings like we had today, when Jesse is upset and crying for reasons that I can’t quite figure out, I not only have to soothe him, but I also find myself reassuring Kaine that everything is OK. This is partly my own fault, because he wouldn’t even know if it weren’t for the fact I keep him up to date via text messages and Snapchats throughout the day.
It is mostly good news and cute pics. But when its not, I know that his natural ‘worry wart’ tendencies are even more exacerbated due to him not being able to be here to see or help Jesse first hand.
The plus side of having a partner to navigate this whole parenting maze with is that we balance each other out. If Kaine’s freaking out over something then I try to stay calm so that I can talk him down and be the voice of reason and positivity. And goodness knows he has had to talk me off a ledge a time or two as well. That said, it doesn’t always work out that way and there are occasions when we disagree or simply not know the right action to take.
Being married is one thing but raising a human with another person is the ultimate test in team work. Its no longer just about where the toothpaste tube gets squeezed from, which way the toilet paper goes on the holder or who hogs the sheets at night. We now have to work together to take care of a baby.
Suddenly we’re needing to make all these decisions and we both are desperately trying to get it right and take care of our little man the best we can. I swear every time I run the bath for Jesse, Kaine will ask if the temperature is okay before putting him in. And, probably equally annoying for Kaine is when I come swooping in to console a tired, cranky bub even though he is doing a great job of it himself.
Of course it is not that we are judging each other or that we don’t trust each other’s decisions. We just so badly want to do an exceptional job at raising our little human, and any future little humans that my join our family, that sometimes it all get’s just a little overwhelming.
That said, even though it can be really hard and overwhelming at times, we know its only because we care so much. For our boy. For each other. And about being the best and most exceptional parent we can be.
But at the end of the day, when it comes to our values and our desire to be peaceful, positive parents… We are 100% on the same page. And that is what makes us work!
Our not-so-little-any-more Bubba will be six months old in a week. And this month especially it feels like he has grown and changed so much both physically and developmentally.
Just this past week he has grasped the concept of peek-a-boo. We stumbled across this rather accidentally.
One evening he was soundly sleeping and we were using the opportunity to do some editing. So when he woke up with a second wind he joined us in the office and we amused him while we worked.
All of a sudden he started laughing hysterically, the most gutsy laugh he has ever done, at me playing peek-a-boo with him.
For several minutes we played together, Kaine and I laughing along with Jesse and giggling to each other about how cute he was. We were just wrapped up in the game enjoying the moment but towards the end I grabbed the trusty iPhone and captured a little bit.
The quality is not great but it was just too cute not to share.
Happy Friday friends.
not so secret life of us 