Author: Renee Barton

Photo Friday: The Journey of Jesse

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Long before I fell pregnant I saw a collage like this on the inter-web and I really wanted to do it.  So I took a screen shot as you do and it sat in my phone for a long time amongst other pregnancy related photo and video ideas that I loved.

Photo 1: We’re Pregnant

This photograph captures the sheer joy and amazement that we finally saw a positive pregnancy test.  The beginning of the most wonderful adventure.

Photo 2: In Full Bloom

The second photograph was taken at 36 weeks pregnant.  As I hold my swollen belly and relish in the joy of pregnancy we anticipate the little occupant who will soon be joining our family.

Photo 3: Welcome to the World

And finally, I hold the baby in my arms that had occupied my belly for all that time.  I felt a connection with my baby during pregnancy but it has taken on a whole new meaning now that I know it was him in there.  Now that I can kiss his face and touch his feet and we can look into each other’s eyes, I fall more in love each day.

Welcome to the world Jesse Jack Barton.

Nappy Changing Milk Machine

Renee Barton2 Comments

It has only been two weeks since Jesse was born but in some ways it already feels like so long ago. I mean, exactly what did we do with our time before?? Oh, that’s right, we had jobs….and we slept.

I feel like we have started to settle into a groove this week. Less concerned about doing everything right and more comfortable simply following our intuition and taking Jesse’s lead.

Here are some parenting wins from our second week:

  • All that feeding paid off and Jesse weighed in above his birth weight (we celebrated with a high five).
  • We managed to leave the house as a family – 3 times!
  • I cried less and slept more.
  • I went out on my own for the first time (under the guise of getting some groceries but also managed a quickie neck and shoulder massage and got my nails painted, ahh the simple pleasures).
  • Jesse passed his healthy hearing test despite it taking ages and needing to be fed half way through.
  • We helped Jesse with his blocked nose by collecting his boogers when he sneezed them out (then we would excitedly discuss the size of it and commend ourselves on a job well done).
  • I managed to wash AND dry my hair
  • A pair of pants that barely fit and wouldn’t do up last week fit me perfectly this week (not exactly a parenting win but I thought it was worth mentioning).

Being a Mum and at the beck and call of a tiny human is a difficult adjustment. Sometimes it feels like I’m not really me any more and my only purpose is to produce milk! But it doesn’t take much for that feeling to pass. A cute, albeit windy smile from my boy, the smell of his sweet skin or his little hand clenched around my finger reminds me how lucky I am to be his Mummy.

Even if for now that means being a nappy changing milk machine.

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My First Week as a New Mum

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This time last week I was giving birth to our son, Jesse Jack Barton. It was by far the most physically and mentally demanding thing I have ever done….and I loved it. I was absolutely pushed to my limits and many times wanted to give up but in the end my labour and delivery was a really beautiful experience.  And it resulted in a perfect little boy whom we are growing more and more smitten with every day.

The last 7 days have been a roller-coaster ride to say the least.  We have felt just about every possible emotion from overwhelming joy to plain overwhelmed and everything in between.  I don’t think I’ve ever questioned myself more than I have this week.  But all in all I think we are doing pretty good.

I knew Kaine would be a great dad but I am in awe of how he has taken to being the head of our family. He has been my rock this week.  He seems to know exactly what I need whether it be an encouraging cuddle, a reassuring word or just a clean kitchen and a hot meal in my belly.

There is so much I could say about my first 7 days as a mum but here are a few points that basically sum it up….

I have…

  • Squeezed out a human being
  • Felt like a birthing goddess while simultaneously feeling like I’ve been repeatedly run over by a truck
  • Been ‘milked’ by at least 8 different women
  • Cried happy tears, sad tears, frustrated tears and I-have-no-idea-why tears
  • Inspected my body in the mirror and missed my baby bump, liked seeing my hips again and wondered when my tummy will go back to normal
  • Already done several things I said I would never do (and I’m sure there will be many more)
  • Marvelled at my beautiful baby; kissed his face a million times, counted his fingers and toes, stared at him for what seems like hours and giggled at each different face he pulls
  • Felt like super mum
  • Felt like a terrible mum
  • Celebrated getting 2 hours sleep in a row

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While we are living in the fog of those first few weeks with a newborn we are trying really hard to just enjoy it all and take it all in.  We know we will never get this time back and that soon we will find our feet.

So for now we will  just do our best, learn as we go and enjoy our little boy.

Birthdays and Memories

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Today is Kaine’s 31st birthday (and mine was earlier in the month) and despite having a lovely day it is very different to how we spent this day last year.

One year ago today we woke up in Switzerland, had lunch in Italy and ended the day in France.  It is hard to believe it has been a year since our Euro trip so, as a bit of fun, here is a flashback to the vlog for how we spent Kaine’s birthday last year.

We had such an amazing adventure.  We started with a 9 day Top Deck tour followed by a glorious week on the Amalfi Coast before exploring Florence, Venice, Prague and Paris.  We had an absolutely incredible time creating unforgettable memories with great friends as we ate, drank and saw the sights for five wonderful weeks.

You can check out all of our Euro trip vlogs in the Euro Trip 2014 playlist on YouTube.

Waiting for Baby Barton

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A pregnancy is nine months.  But our wait for Baby Barton has been a little longer than that.

While trying to fall pregnant (which we kept private) I was asked by a friend whether I thought I was born to be a mother.  My answer was unequivocally “No.  No I don’t.”

I always presumed I would be someday.  But I never thought that being a parent would be the one thing that defined who I am or brought purpose to my life.  I believe that all my roles in life are important; wife, big sister, daughter, friend, they all help shape the woman I am and are becoming.

Around this same time I read an interview with Kate Ritchie in Who Magazine.  She was expecting her first child and her words really summed up exactly how I felt then and still feel now.

“The gift of being able to carry a child is beautiful.  It’s happened at the right time.  Becoming a mother will be a wonderful bonus to who I already am.”

This may sound selfish to some.  But, after experiencing the thought that I may not be able to have a baby, I would hate for any woman to feel that she is less worthy or valuable if she doesn’t have children.  Whether that be by choice or a twist of fate from nature.

Our Journey to Conception

Starting a family was not something we ever saw as a ‘logical next step’ or ‘just what married people do’.  For us it was always carefully considered.

Once we had made the decision we were so excited.  We quickly started dreaming up ways we would tell our loved ones once we were pregnant, discussing our values and thoughts on the kind of parents we wanted to be.  But as time went on the conversation died down.  And, while I am absolutely aware that our story doesn’t compare in the slightest to some people’s struggles, it was still hard at times.

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How can you mourn the loss of something you never had?  Something that never even existed except in the quiet depths of your hopeful imagination.  How can you want something so much but have so little control over whether or not you get it?  How can your life feel so full yet so empty at the same time?

4/11/2013

And so the roller coaster ride continues.  The hopeful highs, the disappointing lows and the loops and twists in between.  The “I think this is our month!” followed by the “I’ll give it one more shot and then I’m out!”

And amongst all of that the doubt starts to creep in.  Is this even what I want? Or am I now just consumed with the goal?

Feeling like slapping every woman that says “oh and we weren’t even trying” whilst filling my Facebook newsfeed with bump shots.

And then we saw it.  Two lines.  Two lovely pink lines.  And we are in a daze of happiness, relief and freak out all at the same time.

A Rocky Start

28/10/2014

Heartbeat. A beautiful flicker on the screen confirms that this is real.  You are real.

Heartbreak.  Uncontrollable sobs as I discover there could be complications.  We wait.  A different kind of two week wait.

And then we see it again, that beautiful little flicker.

Here we go….

4/12/2014

After 3 months of uncertainty it is finally feeling real.  And we were delighted to spread the news.  I heard your heartbeat yesterday and it was one of the sweetest sounds my ears have heard.

After a few weeks of wondering if this was actually happening, if you are really in there; it’s finally dawning on me that it is, you are.

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Arrival is Immanent

And so now we are only weeks away from meeting our little one.  The one that will take our twosome and make us a family of three.

I have loved being pregnant and am not quite ready for it to be over just yet so I am savouring every delicious moment of the coming weeks.

But as the arrival looms my thoughts turn to this new little human and the next chapter of our lives.

What will our baby look like?  Will it be a boy or a girl?  How and when will I go into labour?  Will the hypnobirthing album I bought off iTunes be of any help at all?  Will I be a good mum?

I am nervous I guess but mostly I just feel calm and ready.

I know that no matter what challenges come our way, we will face them together and delight in them.

Count it all joy.

So Baby Barton, thank you for choosing us to be your Mummy and Daddy.  We look forward to seeing you soon.