Tag: Feelings

We need your help…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

We need your help…

We have never used our blog to ask for help before. And we certainly don’t want to come across as taking advantage of our followers through our internet presence. But we really do need your help.

Our extended family is currently going through a tough time in their lives. It’s a story we’re sure a lot of other families out there are familiar with. It’s a story that ultimately, never seems to have a happy ending. It’s a story, that involves cancer.

Aunty Carmel, a dear member of our family, is in urgent need of a daily home palliative care nurse to help with her needs during the day so that Uncle Phil can still go to work to pay the household bills while still being able to take time out to look after and spend quality time with her.

Aunty Carmel is by no means a burden and we all love spending time with her. Unfortunately the care required is going to be quite costly and their only other alternative is to be put on the QLD Health wait list for free assistance. Sadly time is not with her.

Aunty Carmel has the biggest heart of anyone we have met. She would give anything to help anyone in their time of need without expecting anything in return, which even extended to total strangers. This is just one example of the type of selfless, caring woman she is, which is why she is so dearly loved by everyone that has had the pleasure of her in their lives.

Sadly Aunty Carmel is bed ridden after being diagnosed with Melanoma cancer. And unfortunately, she now needs our help, but would never ask for it.

A ‘Go Fund Me’ page has been created as a way of us helping these wonderful, loving people to not have to worry about financial costs and just enjoy each others company with the time they have left together.

Please help us make their time together easier by donating as much, or as little as you can afford.

Help us, help them fight!

Help Aunty Carmel – Donate Now

HOPE

Jesse LOVES twenty one pilots!!!

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

When Jesse was younger (not that he’s all that old now… hahaha), he used to love it when I would lay him on my chest, play music videos on my iPhone and sing along.

And it would appear that lately, he has started to enjoy this once again.

But its not just any music videos that he will lay there to enjoy while he drifts off to sleep… oh no… it MUST be twenty one pilots videos. He just LOVES twenty one pilots!

As soon as he hears the beginning of Heathens start playing, he runs over to me with a grin from ear to ear, climbs up on my chest, gets comfortable and just enjoys the music and my singing (as horrible as it is) while he drifts off to sleep.

Heathens… Stressed Out… Lane Boy… heavydirtysoul… he loves them all.

Now I don’t really know if the music video for Heathens is the most appropriate video for an almost 2 year old to watch, but hey… at least he likes good music right!!!

 

Let’s talk about (Pregnancy) Sex, baby…

Renee Barton1 Comment

We don’t often write about sex. After all, many of our readers are our relatives. But let’s be real, we are having our second baby so even our parents know we’ve had sex at least twice!

When you’ve been married a long time like we have, sex is fairly predictable. Not in a bad way by any means, you just know what works. You know each other’s needs so well you can pretty much just assume positions and get it done… so to speak.

It’s lovely and familiar and satisfying… But predictable.

But then something throws a spanner in the works. You’ve heard of parent sex right? You know, that ‘hurry up and get your pants off, the kids are finally occupied or asleep’ sex. The type of sex that’s more about speed and efficiency rather than foreplay, intimacy and taking ones time…

Well pregnancy sex is a whole other challenge entirely.  And pregnant-parent sex… well that’s just funny really.

It all started when we finally had our bed to ourselves again last night. Yes! Hurdle number one overcome. Jesse was asleep, and he was asleep in his own bed. Time to make the most of the opportunity. Who knows if (or when) he will wake up and want back into our bed!

However, we quickly realised hurdle number two. Pregnancy. You know that familiar and predictable yet satisfying sex we talked about earlier? Well, it no longer works when you’ve got a huge belly to accommodate. Just rolling over is a struggle let alone trying to be sexy and getting into a position that’s comfortable and…. ahem…. effective.

Oh well, not to be perturbed we pressed on.

Just when we think we’ve found our groove…..dammit… leg cramp. That’s ok. Let’s keep going. Shit… butt cramp. Hang on, let me roll over for a second.

“Ok, let’s try something else. What about we try getting into a position that’s more comfortable?” he says.

Yup, great… let’s do that! Again, not to be perturbed by mood killing cramps mid-session, we fumble our way in the dark. Only slightly resembling a beached whale and sea world rescuer.

Who cares! We press on with the knowledge we might not get the opportunity again for a while. And it’s only going to get more difficult! Initially by a larger bump as we head towards D-day, but then by being parents of two under two.

But as for last night, yes it was funny… no it wasn’t the most romantic time we’ve had. But we got the job done!

High fives all round because we just had pregnancy sex and it was awkwardly great!


 

Learning the art of patience!

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

If there is one thing that I have come to realise of late, it’s that perhaps I need to learn (or is it that I need to re-learn) the art of patience and understanding.

And no-one probably understands this more than Renee.

How is it that I’ve come to this conclusion?

Well, it would seem that in our household, both Renee and I have different ways of dealing with stressful situation when Jesse is involved. And this has become increasingly more evident throughout the past few weeks while Jesse fights his way through what appears to be the last of his teething.

And throughout these past few weeks, at the times when the teething was so bad that Jesse was at worst practically inconsolable, was when I truly began to feel that if I’m going to have any sort of success as a dad, that I need to exercise more patience and understanding. Because it would appear that as of right now, Renee is far better at coping than I am.

I hate seeing Jesse when he is inconsolably crying and screaming, pushing us away and fighting us with everything we try to do to make him feel better. I know it tears us both up inside not knowing what is wrong or what he needs to feel better. But unfortunately, when Jesse is in such a state and I can’t do anything to help, I fail to remain calm. I not only feel upset and helpless that I am failing to help my son while he is in pain, but I start getting angry. I start losing patience. And I start losing understanding.

I don’t blame Jesse. He can’t help it. And I know that if he could communicate what was wrong, he would.

But in that moment, I forget all about the fact that Jesse can’t communicate. I start to get upset. I start to get angry (not at Renee or Jesse, but at the situation). And at that point I become useless and ultimately fail as a dad.

Inevitably, I usually end up leaving the room, or I will start pacing back and forth until either Renee has managed to settle Jesse down, or he has settled himself down. But by then it’s too late. I have failed by not being able to deal with the pressures of parenting.


So this might be one of the hardest posts I’ve written to date, but also one of the most important. Because as you would know by now, we have baby number two due in less than two months’ time. And when baby number two arrives, Renee is going to need all the help she can get. And what I’m seriously now starting to realise, is if I continue to lack patience and understanding when it comes to the needs of Jesse and baby number two, then Renee may find it very hard to cope.

I don’t know if there are any other dads, or even mums out there who can relate to this. But please know, that if you do find it hard to handle the pressure during those tough situations as a parent, you’re not the only one! You’re not alone! Don’t feel ashamed, recognise it, and try to improve on yourself to become a better, more patient, more understanding parent.

Renee is such a great mum and is a gun when it comes to handling the pressure in those tough situations. And while I still consider myself to be a great dad, there are definitely areas I can improve on.

So taking that first step in recognising that this is something I need to work on, is a step in the right direction. Especially because I no longer want to feel like a failure as a dad the next time Jesse or baby number two is in pain.

It’s time to change!

Photo Friday: 30 week photo shoot

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Last weekend, we had the distinct pleasure of again meeting up with the very talented Renee Trubai for a 30 week pregnancy and family photo session.

It was one of the hottest days of the current heat wave we are experiencing, and we travelled all the way to the other side of town, but it was well worth it.

We feel extremely lucky to know Renee. She is a wonderful photographer specialising in lifestyle, family and maternity shoots. And after working with her on a number of occasions already, there is simply no one else we would trust taking our photographs.

And despite it being such a hot and humid day, and the fact that Jesse didn’t really want to stay still enough to take any substantial number of photos, it still turned out to be a great day… and we still ended up with some amazing photos!!!

Thanks again Renee… you truly are an amazing photographer!

What I’ve learnt from Peppa Pig

Kaine Barton1 Comment

Let’s talk about Peppa Pig…

Yes. That’s right, this whole post is dedicated to the one and only… Peppa Pig. That infuriatingly frustrating children’s program that you just can’t seem to get away from once you have kids!

Well it would seem that, as we may have mentioned before, Jesse is a big fan of good old Peppa and George Pig. So much so that sometimes, it’s the only thing that will settle him down when he’s in a bad state with teething pain or if he’s sick or if he’s cranky. Now before the ‘Parenting Police’ come marching out of the woodwork and start chastising us for allowing our toddler to have screen time… I would like to say that we are aware of the negative impacts screen time can have on children under two, we do feel bad that he has screen time, we do however monitor his screen time, and that at the end of the day screen time is just part of modern day parenting.

peppa-pig

That all said, he loves Peppa Pig… Sassy attitude and all. And with the amount of Peppa Pig we have consumed as a result of being parents, there are a few things that I have learnt along the way. Now, don’t take this as a be all and end all list… these are just a few of the observations I’ve made and/or things I’ve learnt along the way…

  1. When you are a part of a group of people, whether it be large or small, when you start to laugh at something, everyone MUST fall onto their backs or else you’re not laughing properly! It’s true… In fact, according to Peppa Pig, it is physically impossible not to fall on your back when you start laughing with your friends or family!
  2. A yoyo is the best toy in the whole world and is something to get extremely excited about. Forget big expensive toys and video games fellow parents, just buy your kids a yoyo. Because if Peppa is to be judged, based off of her excitement level at receiving a yoyo for Christmas, there is simply nothing else in the world that can top it!
  3. Every damn time you see, hear or say dinosaur, you have to say it exactly the same as George Pig, complete with the “GRRRR” at the end!
  4. Peppa Pig is the sassiest pig I’ve ever seen and has no issues ordering around anyone and everyone. That said, Suzy Sheep also has a fair bit of sass. And when those two get together, oh boy, it’s like a sass fest!!!
  5. That spiders are friends and are nothing to be afraid of. Obviously, Peppa Pig and family haven’t been to Australia and encountered the big, deadly f*** off spiders that we have on offer. Even Hunstmans are terrifying!
  6. That everyone must have alliterated names! Suzy Sheep. Emily Elephant. Peppa Pig. Candy Cat. That is, unless your name is George. Just don’t worry about it if your name is George… it’s all good in the hood!
  7. That despite veterinarians best advice, it’s okay for any animal, including Danny Dog, to eat chocolate cake!
  8. Rabbits are job hogs and have probably caused unemployment rates to rise by 80%! Why doesn’t Miss Rabbit just give up a few of her jobs? Why does she work so many jobs? Does she have a drug habit she’s trying to support? Is she secretly an alcoholic because of the long hours she works? What happens when she has customers at different jobs at the same time?
  9. That I’ve probably seen every episode at least twice and that I could probably win a Peppa Pig trivia night.
  10. And that regardless of who or what you are, everybody enjoys jumping up and down in muddy puddles!

So, my fellow parents… what about you? What children’s shows are your kids addicted to? What shows have you seen so many times that the images have been permanently burned onto your retina?

What shows do you absolutely 100% despise, but will find yourself sitting there and watching with your kids and secretly enjoying it.

And with that, I will say goodbye… because I’m off to watch some more Peppa Pig!

This Time Around: A dads perspective

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Back in October 2016, Renee wrote a post about her second pregnancy called ‘This Time Around‘. It was about how things were different between her first pregnancy, and this one.

I loved the post! But it got me thinking… how are things different this time around for me? What’s different? What’s not different?

Well, the big difference to kick things off this time around, was that Renee completely surprised me with the news that we are expecting again. Great surprise! Loved finding out the way that I did. But now that the initial surprise has come and gone, we really have just gone back to business as usual why we wait for the due date to roll around.

And with that, I don’t mean to downplay this pregnancy, I just mean that this time around, we both seem to be taking a more relaxed attitude toward the whole thing.

With the first pregnancy, like I’m sure it is for most newly pregnant couples, it was new water we were wading out into. There was an excitement and uncertainty there that just flows through you for the duration of the pregnancy. It’s a new experience! And an experience like nothing you’ve ever had before!


So when it comes to your second pregnancy, there isn’t that air of uncertainty that follows you around. You’ve been through it all before. You kind of just know (to a certain extent) how things are going to play out don’t you?

So am I more relaxed this time around? Absolutely I am!

Am I not as excited this time around? Absolutely not!

While it would seem that I am, this time around, taking a more relaxed attitude, it absolutely, positively does not mean that I’m not as excited as I was the first time around.

I still get butterflies when I think about how quickly the due date is approaching. I still get excited when Renee and I talk about possible names for Baby Barton #2. I still love that feeling you get when you see your wife glowing in pregnancy and as her belly grows and grows. I still get excited when planning out and constructing the new nursery that will eventually sleep Baby Barton #2. I still get the warm and fuzzies when I’m out shopping and I stumble across the baby section with all the incredibly cute clothes you can buy. And what I am most excited about, is finding out whether Baby Barton #2 is going to be a boy or a girl!

I am just feeling all those feelings with a more relaxed attitude!

I also think, that because both Renee and I have taken a more relaxed approach this time around, that it has helped Renee tremendously to cope with this pregnancy. Not that it’s been a difficult pregnancy… Well, what I mean is that on all accounts that it’s been a pretty normal pregnancy… Ok, I’ll stop digging the hole. I’ll probably get in trouble for this later…

But at the end of the day… I think it has all helped!

It does get me thinking though, with the massive difference in our approach to this pregnancy compared to our first, what’s it going to be like if we do end up having a third child? Will we even bother doing anything special for that pregnancy? I mean, once you get to your third the novelty has well and truly worn off right? Both during the pregnancy and after it? You just don’t care as much right?

Oh yea, and a big hello to the third born in both our families, Jesamine and Lia…

Where have all my friends gone?

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Let’s talk about friends for a minute.

Like most people would, I had a large group of friends when I was in school. We would sit in the covered area in front of the computer block every lunch. We would talk about video games, movies, computers… and other things that young teenage boys would talk about. We played ‘handball’ and ‘wallball’. Let’s just say that you would have probably called us the group of nerds. We were always hanging out at each other’s houses and we were always getting up to mischief.

But then, you graduate from High School and everything changes.

Again, like most people, you start to grow apart. Your lives start heading in different directions. It’s just what happens. People will always come in and out of your life. It’s a part of growing up. But what I have come to realise is… that it is a lot harder to make friends as an adult.

Making friends when you’re a kid is easy! You go up to someone, you both say hi, and boom… you’re best friends! But as an adult, it’s not quite that easy. And the older I get, the more that I realise that I have fewer and fewer people that I would consider to be close friends.

That large group of friends that I had in school… the guys that I thought would be my brothers forever… the guys I thought were my best friends… well, I very rarely see any of them these days. It’s not that I don’t like them… and I’m sure it’s not that they don’t like me (although I haven’t checked this fact… lol…). It’s simply that we all grew apart. Our lives went in different directions. We had different paths to follow.

I would say that on average, we (as a group) probably all catch up once every couple of years. And you know what, that’s just fine.

But when we were talking about school and school friends at work the other day, it quickly came to me attention about how very few close friends I have. Am I lonely? Is there a reason I don’t have many close friends? Why don’t I see my friends more often?

friends

In fact, for a long time there, my closest “friends” were probably my brother and his wife. We were always hanging out. We would see them every weekend whether it was for dinner… drinks… a movie… or even just to shoot the shit! But now, I don’t even see them very often.

I think the biggest problem that I (and maybe even society as a whole) has when it comes to making or keeping close friends, is that everyone is so damn busy all the time. My brother and his wife now have two kids. We are about to have our second child. Other friends that have come and gone have ended up with their own families and interests. And everyone has their own work that they need to do, whether that be in the form of a career or otherwise.

So am I lonely? No. While I don’t have many close friends, I’m certainly not lonely. Especially when I have such an amazing wife and the cutest little toddler to keep me entertained when I get home.

Is there a reason I don’t have many close friends? Sure. But there nothing sinister behind this. Like I said, people come and people go.

What next? Well, I think it’s now about keeping those relationships I have with the friends I do have alive. It’s about staying connected. It’s about working on the relationships I have. It’s about being there for those people every damn day regardless of how busy I get!

Regardless of the type of relationship it is, relationships take work. And I don’t want to be looking around when I’m 40 thinking, why don’t I have anyone?

Friends are important… Make sure you treat them that way!

Dad Bod: It’s time to go!

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

So guess what… the end of January is just around the corner! That’s right… January is almost over!

I mean, hang on, it still feels like only yesterday that we were up at Maleny celebrating NYE and chugging beers! Well, I was the one chugging the beers… Renee was giving me that look of pure evil that only a pregnant woman can give when she is the only one sitting in a room full of non-pregnant people all having fun! Love you darling!

So since we are almost through our first month of 2017, how are those NYE resolutions coming along? Have you achieved all you wanted to achieve for January as yet? Don’t worry, you still have time if you haven’t.

What about me you ask? Well, I didn’t really make any NYE resolutions. I tend to find they’re somewhat of a waste of time. Like most people, I never end up completing any of the NYE resolutions I’ve set myself in the past. I think it’s mostly because when we do make NYE resolutions, we aren’t held accountable by anyone. However, I am glad to say that despite not having any resolutions in place, I have still managed to start my year off on a positive note…

And so this leads into the title of this post. Saying goodbye to the Dad Bod!

I’m not going to beat around the bush… I have officially (by my own admittance) reached fat bastard status! I got to that point where I realised I had two options available moving forward regarding my diet and my weight. Either stop eating… or buy a whole new wardrobe full of clothes. And let’s face it, to stop eating is definitely the cheaper way to go!


I mean, it’s pretty bad. Like so bad that the t-shirts I own look like they’re about 2 sizes to small when I wear them. If I start to raise my arms it looks like I’m wearing a midriff! Plus none of my pants fit! We went to the Redcliffe Lagoon just before New Years and I couldn’t do them up. I have buttons popping open on shorts and I even had to use a hair tie on the top button of a pair of jeans because I couldn’t get it done up! Yes, a hack I learned from my pregnant wife. 

I seriously need an intervention!

I’ve embraced the Dad Bod for long enough. All the delicious food and the cold beers and the tasty burgers and the amazing chocolate and the delightful doughnuts and the… IT’S TIME TO STOP!!!

And this is where the positive start to my year begins. My PT is running a 6 week challenge to work off all that Christmas and NYE weight we’ve all put on. Count me in! I’ve got a ton of weight I need to lose!

Second week in and I think I’m doing pretty well. So far I’ve lost over one kilo of both weight and fat!

If I can just keep this going for the next 4 weeks, I’ll have rippling abs and biceps of steel just like Zac Efron!!! Well, maybe not, but at least I’ll be back to my normal weight!

Oh yea, and just in case you were wondering why we have so much junk food in the house… don’t forget that I am living with both a toddler, and a pregnant wife!

Dealing with the Realities of Aging

Renee BartonLeave a comment

Let’s talk about getting old for a minute. Or more specifically, caring for our loved ones as they get old.

But first I’ll preface this post by saying that, although we both write openly and honestly about our lives; mostly our parenting experiences, I do admit to censoring what I write about when it involves other family members. In this case though, I feel it’s an important topic to discuss and one that might resonate with others.

My family is relatively young compared to other people my age. My parents are under 50 (just) and one of my Nan’s was a Grandmother at 34! But these past few months we have been hit by the realisation that our loved ones are getting older and the impact that can have on the rest of the family.

One of those times was the passing of Kaine’s granddad a couple of months ago. And although he was 96 and my side of the family is much younger, my family are facing struggles in this arena too.

Recently one of my Grandmother’s was diagnosed with dementia. Due to circumstances within the family I have found myself becoming one of the ‘primary caregivers’ I suppose you could say. I entered the world of all things ‘old people’ and found myself knee-deep in social workers, senior living options, care providers, doctors and having absolutely no idea what I was doing.

I want to help, please don’t misunderstand. I want my Nan to be taken care of, be surrounded by family and enjoy quality of life as she still has a lot of life to live.

But as I sat in a meeting with her newly appointed case manager and we talked about care plans and medical services and what to do if Nan gets lost almost as if she wasn’t even in the room, my eyes filled and my throat closed.

This is too much. It’s too overwhelming. What if I make the wrong decision. What if she gets so sad and lonely and confused she’d rather not live in this world anymore.

I already feel so full with an energetic toddler and a growing belly that will soon become a newborn, sending me back into the haze of cluster feeding and unbelievable exhaustion. I don’t know if I can do it.

But here’s what I do know. My Nan deserves to feel loved, wanted and cared for at a time when she must be so afraid and lonely. I honestly don’t care who’s feelings might have been hurt in the past by different circumstances within the family or who was at fault. She is a mother, a Grandmother, and has survived the passing of two husbands that she loved dearly. She’s a person.

Yes it’s scary and overwhelming. It might even feel like an obligation at times, a hassle. But I know in my heart that doing all I can to help is the only option. I can’t promise that I’ll always make the right choices or that I will be able to be available all the time. But I’ll do what I can.

I love you Nan.

xx