Tag: Feelings

We all have a little OCD in us…

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Writing regular blog posts can be a hard ask. Especially when you set yourself a task to publish 3 a week. And while we haven’t hit that mark every week we have, for the most part, done pretty well.

So when thinking about what I could write about for my post today, I really had to get my thinking cap on to come up with something interesting.

But… after catching myself in the act yet again, I found the perfect subject for today’s post. And not only that, I feel like today’s post is about a subject that a lot of people out there (if not everyone) might not just relate to, but get a bit of a laugh out of it.

So what in the hell is this long introduction leading up to? Well… as you may have already guessed by the title, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) of course.

As a quick side note, please let me state up front that I know OCD can be a serious and debilitating condition. This post is in no way intended to undermine that fact, and is also not intended to cause offence or stress to those who do genuinely suffer from this condition.

With that said, let’s face it, us humans are a funny species. We all have our little quirks and idiosyncrasies and quite often, they allow us every now and again to laugh at each other, laugh at ourselves and laugh at the strange things we do.

And I am no exception.

I think that almost everyone out there, has a little OCD in them. What might start out as making sure the blinds on all the office windows are level can sometimes turn into where you can’t have the volume in your car on an odd number. Oh, and yes, I know about these quirks because they both relate to me.

But we all have our little quirks, don’t we. So I figured hey, why not share mine for a laugh. Maybe someone else out there can relate and maybe this post will make them feel like less of a weirdo. Because at the end of the day, you’re not a weirdo. You are pretty much exactly the same as the rest of us.

So what are my bad OCD habits? Well, here are the ones that I catch myself doing on a regular basis:

The blinds in the office

When I mentioned the blinds in the office, I wasn’t kidding. This is exactly one of my OCD things that annoys the absolute piss out of me. If you have horizontal blinds in the office, whether you have them raised or lowered, they all MUST be falling at the same height.

If they are not, then you can be guaranteed that I’ll get up and fix this abomination.

And to those in the office who change the heights just to f*** with me, you will feel my wrath! The wrath of a man who is enraged with ‘inconsistent horizontal blind height anger’. Don’t worry, it’s a real thing… I promise!

The volume level on devices that use numbers

Yup, again, like I said earlier, one of my things is the volume level. That said, I think this one may be more common than I think. But when turning the volume up or down on any device from the car radio to the TV, it has to be set to an even number, or in fives. That’s right. It can’t be set at any number that ends in a 1, 3, 7 or 9.

Want the volume set to 22. No worries.

What about 14. Yup, good as gold mate.

35. Perfect. No issues here.

19… OH HELL NO!!! You better change that to 20 or 18 quick smart or I’m going to lose my sh*t!

Brushing my teeth

Now this one I feel is going to be odd to many out there. But when I brush my teeth, I have to brush each section the same number of times.

I don’t know why… I don’t know how it started… All I know is, if I brush my back left molars 8 times and then accidentally brush my back right molars 9 times… bugger… It’s back to square one.

Let me clarify, I usually don’t count the strokes per se, but I do hum the same tune for each section of my teeth that I brush. It’s the same thing right?

Clean floors

Ok. So I can admit that my level of OCD’ness has somewhat diminished when it comes to clean floors since Jesse came along. But it’s still there, and dirty floors still annoy me.

In the past, I could not stand dirty floors. If I was walking through the house and I felt even the tiniest speck of dirt then look out. The brooms were activated. The vacuum was out. The mops were loaded. And the floor would be buffed to perfection.

Since Jesse has come into our lives, our floor is in a constant state of uncleanliness that I have had to learn to respect. It is near impossible to keep your floors clean when you have an 11 month old baby crawling around the house. And then there’s dinner time… Ahh dinner time… The once civilised activity where we used to eat our meals has turned into what Jesse thinks is a fun game of ‘let’s throw every little skerrick of food to floor for no other reason than I just don’t want it on the table in front of me.

I am lucky I have come to terms with my dirty floors, because the old me would have thrown the brooms and mops in the air and shouted “F*** THIS SH*T… I’M OUT!”

Morning routine

Ok… Now I know this one isn’t strange, but it still shows that little part of my that is OCD.

Every morning when I get up for work, I do everything in the exact same order. That’s right, I have a morning routine and I stick to it every… single… day… (Well, work days that is).

I can recite my whole routine and can guarantee that each morning, I do not break it. It goes like this: Wake up, toilet, eat breakfast, take vitamins, brush teeth, wash face, put deodorant on, put pants on, put socks and shoes on, do hair, put singlet and shirt on, belt on, aftershave on, watch on, pack lunch, pack bag, leave.

Now not everyone will be that OCD with their morning routine. But I’m not ashamed by it at all. In fact, I’ve read a couple of articles that suggest having a morning routing that you stick to like the one I have is actually beneficial, as it frees your mind to think about other things you need to accomplish rather than thinking about what you need to do as your getting ready. So the jokes on you… you who doesn’t have a morning routine.

Anyways… So that’s about it… Those are my (or some of my) idiosyncrasies that I have a laugh about with others every now and again. Like I said, we all have them, so why not just have a laugh and accept the fact that we do all have a little OCD in us.

So with that I ask you… What about you? What are your OCD quirks? What do you do that you think is strange but in actual fact might be quite common?

Let’s share and all have a laugh together about the fact that we all, are a little bit weird!

A very special day!

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

It’s a special day in the NSSLOU household today.

“So what’s so special about today?” I hear you ask.

Well, today just so happens to be Renee’s birthday. That’s right… The old wifey for lifey is one more year older today. Which also makes her one more year wiser. And when we think back on what’s happened over the last year… wow.

Renee, or ‘Mummy’ as she has now become affectionately known as throughout our household, is one amazing woman. And without her, everything would well and truly be falling apart!

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Photography by Renee Trubai

Renee is very much the pillar of our household. Largely due the fact that she has taken on the very big and important responsibility of being a full-time stay-at-home mum to our beautiful boy, Jesse. BUT… Not being content with just being a full-time mum, Renee has also started and is currently building her Kangatraining business on the side. And while being a Kanga Trainer has it’s perks (like being able to take bubby to work), it adds to the already overflowing plate that is Renee’s daily schedule.

But while there certainly are exhausting days here and there, for the most part, you very rarely hear even a single complaint about it. Why? Because like I said, she is amazing!

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Photography by Renee Trubai

Renee continues to surprise me with everything she does and everything she takes on. I am forever thankful and lucky to have her in my life. As is Jesse.

Now, as the sun sets on today’s festivities, I cannot wait to celebrate many more birthdays in the years to come with one of my favourite people in the whole wide world. I can’t wait to share more laughs and more fun with you. I can’t wait to grow our family even more with you. I can’t wait to travel with you and experience more and more new things with you. I can’t wait to grow old with you.

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Photography by Kaine Barton

But for now, let me just say this…

Happy Birthday babe!

You are amazing and you deserve all the happiness in the world!

All our love,
Kaine and Jesse.

365 Project: The Home Stretch

Renee BartonLeave a comment

A little over a year ago we decided to document our first year as parents – a 365 project and one of the catalysts for this blog.

Here’s a little reminder of what we set out to do.

We will:

  • For the entire first year of Jesse’s life and our first year as parents, chronicle our journey through writings and photos.
  • Both journal something every day of Jesse’s first year of life and our first year as parents, no excuses (no matter how sleep deprived we are)!
  • Each take a photo every day of Jesse’s first year of life and our first year as parents, no excuses (crappy, badly lit, grainy selfies at 5 minutes to midnight included)!
  • Not share our journal entries or photos with each other, until after Jesse’s first birthday (the official end of the project).
  • At the conclusion of The 365 Project, compile and publish the journals and photos as two individual books titled ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us: A year in the life of a first time Dad’ and ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us: A year in the life of a first time Mum’.

We are 343 days in now so well and truly on the home stretch. And though it’s been challenging at times I’m proud to say that we have managed to stick to our intentions for the project.

The hardest part for me has been taking a photo every day. It sounds easy enough and like most mum’s my camera roll is full of photos of my baby. But some days have been so full on the only time I’ve been able to take a quick snap is when Jesse has fallen asleep for the night. And other days there’s just enough time to click a few selfies in between meal times, play time and nappy changes. So this means plenty of dark, grainy shots of Jesse sleeping and selfies with bad hair and dark circles under the eyes.

Day 56
Day 56

I’m not sure how interesting it will be for others to read. A New York Times best seller is probably out of the picture! Some days my entries are only a few words long while on other days I have waxed lyrical about the joys and challenges of new motherhood. But I am really intrigued to read Kaine’s finished product as I’m sure he has written thoughts and feelings that weren’t vocalised (as I have) over the last 12 months. I’m also looking forward to looking back over my own and reminiscing, particularly those early days and weeks.

Honestly, it really hasn’t felt like a chore at all and it will actually be kind of weird not to do it any more. Though preparing our finished products as books will certainly keep us busy for a while yet.

I’m really proud that we have stuck with it and no doubt we will have a new project in the works soon enough.

What Makes You Feel Beautiful?

Renee Barton1 Comment

Recently my two best girlfriends and I were invited to participate in another wonderful photography project by Renee Trubai called “Hear Her ROAR”. Renee says, The project is about showing women the beauty of themselves that has perhaps been forgotten, ignored or tucked away. It’s about rejuvenating- and celebrating- your love and respect for yourself.

This is simple for me … I want to show women the strength of their own beauty.

Renee Trubai

We haven’t yet scheduled the shoot but the preparation for this session, and all of Renee’s work, starts long before the first frame of film is snapped. She always does a thorough consultation first and provides some nuggets to mull over beforehand so that we go into the shoot with a mindset and vision for the end result.

For the preparation of this session Renee asked a seemingly simple yet quite challenging question, for me anyway.

What does beauty mean to you, for you? What environment / outfit / music / style / activity lights you up inside … the kind that has your eyes sparkling?

Whoa! Instantly I was blindsided by these questions. When was the last time I felt really beautiful? What does it look like when I feel beautiful?

My immediate answers to these questions seemed obvious. Well, I feel beautiful when my husband tells me I look pretty or when my little boy cuddles and kisses me. I feel beautiful when I’ve had my hair done at the salon and my nails are freshly polished.

And then I realised that these things were all about other people showing me I’m beautiful. But I wondered how I make myself feel beautiful. Just me. Not a compliment from someone else or when I’ve actually had the time to get primped and preened by a professional.

I wondered if I really didn’t know myself all that well and what I do, wear or listen to feel beautiful or whether I had just not ever really stopped to think about it. Maybe both.

I don’t wear much make up these days and most of the time my hair is dirty and tied up out of the way. I can’t remember the last time I wore high heels and most of my nice dresses still don’t fit almost a year after giving birth.

But when I think about what beauty means to me and what makes me feel beautiful in my daily life now, I think about laughing with my girlfriends so hard my tummy hurts. Teaching a Kanga class, working my body and helping other mums. I think about the empowerment of giving birth to my child and the strength I am learning now that I am a mother. I think about being on holidays, adventuring and exploring.

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Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like a million dollars when I get the chance to dress up, when my body is trim and when I’ve spent hours being pampered at the salon. But to me, a truly beautiful woman is one that is happy, powerful and confident. A woman of strength. One who tries new things, loves fiercely, smiles a lot and can laugh at herself.

So I challenge you to think about it… What makes you feel beautiful?

 

Work/Life balance: It isn’t easy

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

Working in the city when you live as far out into the suburbs as we do, means that every day you have to deal with a long commute. And when I tell people that it takes me an hour and a half to get to work of a morning (and an hour and a half to get home in the afternoon), they often look at me with a face that says “are you crazy?!”

I almost always say to them, as they continue to stare at me with that “are you crazy?!” look, that I’ve been working in the city ever since I graduated High School in 2001. So basically, a long commute to and from work is all I’ve ever known. And because of that fact, it has never really bothered me.

Well fast forward to 2016 and the long commute to and from work is getting just that little bit harder to take day by day.

Let’s put it this way… At the moment, I generally leave the house at 6:30am every morning and generally don’t get home from work until nearly 6:00pm most nights. And as for getting home by 6:00pm, that is assuming I get out of the office at 4:15pm every afternoon. If I don’t, well, depending on the public transport schedule, my home time could blow out to anywhere between 6:30pm to 7:00pm.

Unfortunately, this means that during the week, because of my long commute, I get very limited awake time with Jesse.

When I leave for work of a morning, Jesse is either still asleep, or has just woken up. And when I do manage to get home by 6:00pm, because at that time it’s smack bang in the middle of his bedtime routine, he is usually asleep (most of the time) not too long after I get home.

For that reason, I really cherish the time I get to spend with him during the week. Simply because of the fact that my awake time with him can be quite limited.

Just over the past week, there was one day where I didn’t get to see him awake at all. I left work when he was asleep. And when I got home, I got home to this… Our cheeky little monkey completely worn out from a big day asleep on mummy’s lap. Down and out for the night.

Sleeping Jesse

And this is the exact reason that I am starting to find it just that little bid harder, day by day, to accept such a long commute to work.

I know there are plenty of options out there available for people who have long commutes to and from work. Hot-desking at local work hubs… Working from home… Flexible work arrangements…

And these are all options I am really starting to think about with more seriousness as the days and weeks and months fly by with Jesse.

Because at the end of the day, time does fly by. I mean Jesse is turning one next month. ONE!!! I can’t believe that. And because it is flying by so quickly, I can’t help but feel bad that I am unable to spend that quality time with him during the week.

The saddest thing of all, is that I know I’m not the only one in this situation. There are a lot of mums and dads out there that have long commutes to work who don’t get to spend a lot of quality time with their kids during the week. And when there is so much flexibility available for work arrangements, I think this is very sad.

With all that said, I am thankful that Renee is able to spend all the time in the world with Jesse during the week given that she is a stay-at-home mum come Kangatrainer legend!!!

So while I continue to deal with my long commute to and from work, I will make the most of my cuddles in bed with him now that we have started co-sleeping again.

I know, that I will get to spend quality time with Jesse during the week soon enough!

Photo Friday: Getting back to nature

Renee BartonLeave a comment

This is a bit of a throwback Thursday on a Friday.

Yes. That totally makes sense!

We love getting outdoors with Jesse. And he absolutely LOVES it! Crawling in the grass… the fresh air… the wonderful new smells and sights… It must be like a sensory overload for him.

And now that it’s getting a little bit cooler, I imagine us getting outdoors a lot more often!

Autumn in Queensland = Love!

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Our Breastfeeding Journey: Part III

Renee BartonLeave a comment

I think its over. After nearly 11 months I think my breastfeeding journey with Jesse is coming to an end.

And yes, I am sad about it. I never really understood the emotional part of stopping until recently. But I’m also really  happy and proud that we were able to do it for this long.

When I last shared about my breastfeeding experiences Jesse was 5 months old and I was hoping to keep going for at least one more month. And here we are another 5 months later.

Breast feeds have become less and less frequent over the last few months, so about two weeks ago we decided to start weaning from night feeds and start encouraging Jesse to take a bottle through the night instead. This was mostly because he was waking up so many times during the night to comfort feed that I needed to do something. Within a few days it had worked and I was then just offering once through the day; more so because I wasn’t quite ready to stop yet. But it has now been several days since our last feed so I am coming to terms with it being over for good now.

I could feel the end was near so I made sure I treasured those few minutes a day together over the last couple of weeks. And I’m embracing the fact that my baby is no longer a baby and will soon be turning one. Oh my!

Now that I’m at the final stages, I have loved breastfeeding my son so much. It was such a special time together and often times the only thing that would soothe him. Whether it be sore gums from teething, a tummy ache or a bad dream. It was Mummy and her magic boobs to the rescue.

BFeeding III

But there were times when I was so tired and felt so touched out that it really was one of the most challenging parts of being a new mum. There are many things I will miss about breastfeeding but also several that I won’t. I am also really excited to wear normal bras again. Normal clothes again. And not be the only one that can get up to him through the night! Yay!

Let’s face it though, I probably still will.

So until next time, that is the end of breastfeeding for me. It has been lovely. And hard. And beautiful. And exhausting.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

The best night I’ve had as a new dad.

Kaine BartonLeave a comment

This past week I probably had my worst nights sleep since becoming a dad.

Before I go into that, let me start from the beginning though.

I have been incredibly lucky with my sleep since becoming a first time dad. Renee, who is an absolute legend of a first time mum in my books, incredibly, unselfishly and without hesitation took on the night shifts when it came to getting up to Jesse when he woke throughout the night.

In the beginning, she was breastfeeding, so there wasn’t much use for me to be awake. And our rationale was that it was better having one well rested parent for the day to take on most of the responsibility.

Then, I went back to work, while Renee continued her journey as a stay at home mum. We both agreed that again, there was wasn’t much use for me to get up throughout the night so that I was tired for work the next day.

What an amazing woman right! I am an incredibly lucky man to have someone who has practically been a sleep deprived mess for the past 10 months, but hasn’t complained about it one bit.

Cut to last Wednesday night.

Jesse has been teething and on top of this, he is going through his latest leap. This has resulted in a very unhappy and unsettled boy over the past week or two.

Wednesday night, I went through Jesse’s new bedtime routine which has become one of my new responsibilities. One that I cherish and love to do. He fell asleep relatively easily at around 7pm, which has become somewhat of the normal time he falls asleep for the first time of a night.

9:30pm he wakes for the first time. Something that we’ve become used to recently. Him waking up often throughout the night. Well, trying to get him back to sleep after he woke was nearly impossible!

Everything Renee tried just simply would not work. He was quiet when he had a boob in his mouth, but as soon as that stopped he would wake up. Renee would try and stand and he would wake up crying. Renee would try and put him down in his cot, and he would start screaming.

Cue me to try and calm the situation. I manage to get him to to fall asleep in my arms without waking up. SUCCESS!

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Go to put him in his cot, and again he would start screaming!

It turns out the only thing that would stop him from screaming was bringing him into our bed with us.

So that’s exactly what we did. We brought him into our bed, where he tossed and turned until he found a comfortable spot in bed. He had his chest and head laying up on my pillow pressed in as close as he could to my face.

Every time I would move, he would shuffle over pressing his head back against my face. At one stage, he was almost pushing me off my own pillow.

And that is how I lay in bed… until 2am the next morning. Not sleeping. Just snuggling with our little Jesse, listening to his breathing as he slept soundly.

And you know what, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 2am… and despite the fact that I was tired at work the next day, I loved EVERY… SINGLE… SECOND of him snuggled into my face as he slept that night.

Since that night we have thrown the rule book out the window and decided that for all 3 of our sakes, if having Jesse sleep in our bed means that we get a better night sleep, well dammit he will sleep in our bed!

And that’s what we’ve done. For the past 3 nights he has slept in our bed. And you know what, I think it’s the best sleep Jesse and Renee have gotten in months!

As for me, I get to fall asleep every night knowing that I’m snuggling with my two favourite people in the whole wide world!

A Mother’s Promise

Renee BartonLeave a comment

I read a story recently that has continued to impact on me and challenge me since reading it.

The story was of one mum’s promise to go to her baby when he cried for her no matter how tired or touched out she was, as the result of learning a heartbreaking reality for babies in an African orphanage.

She recounted the experience of a friend who had visited an orphanage and had been struck by how quiet one of the rooms was despite having over 100 babies in it. When they asked how so many babies could be so quiet the response was that they’ve realised no one is coming for them when they cry so they just don’t any more.

Uh. Cue heart break.

Straight away I related to this woman’s promise to her baby to go to him. That’s the kind of mum I want to be I thought to myself. I felt so sad at the thought of a little baby crying for their mother that would never come to them.

That night as I heard Jesse stir through the monitor for the fourth time since putting him down I threw back the covers and whispered into the darkness “damn it, Jesse”.

Doesn’t he know I’m tired? Doesn’t he know that I can’t take many more nights like this?

As I stepped into the hallway hearing his cry getting more desperate, I felt a pang of guilt and the story came flooding back to me.

No. He doesn’t know I’m in the other room praying for more than a couple of hours of sleep in a row. All he knows is its dark, he’s alone and he wants me to comfort him.

The same battle plays out through the day as he constantly climbs up my leg begging to be cuddled only to want to be put down again moments later. And then up again. And then down again.

My patience wears thin. But what about that promise to go to him no matter what? What about those silent babies who’ve given up on waiting for someone to come to them.

Goodness me. Being a parent really is a mind f*** isn’t it!

I was going to finish the post there feeling there wasn’t much else left to say when something beautiful happened.

I scooped up a begging Jesse into my arms for the hundredth time and read back this post aloud the way I always do before publishing it. And almost as if he knew what I needed, Jesse reached out, turned my face towards his and pressed his open mouth against mine. I was expecting an enthusiastic poke in the eye or finger shoved in my mouth but this was so much better. So gentle, so loving.

And just like that my love tank is full again.

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How to sh*t your pants!

Renee BartonLeave a comment

My home, my safe haven, my castle came under threat recently. I have never experienced being really, truly afraid in my own home. Until now.

Picture this, its a normal Monday. Husband is at work and I’m at home with nearly 10 month old Jesse. It is early afternoon and he has awoken hungry from his nap. As we are sitting down on his play mat, he in his chair and me feeding him, I hear a rustling noise. A kind of noise that I had heard a few times already today and put down to the cat knocking something over as she sometimes does. But as I look toward the direction of the sound I realise that it is most definitely not the cat.

I look across the room and see a snake slithering along our dining room floor.

Well…cue me losing my shit! Instant panic. I immediately grabbed Jesse out of his chair, gripped him tight and backed away. Now this in itself is usually a pretty fiddly job. Wipe his hands and face while he squirms in protest, remove the tray, take off his bib, undo the harness, pry him from the chair. But on this occasion I whipped him out in seconds, food still all over his face and bib still on.

I noticed my breathing started to get erratic as a million thoughts ran through my head. It’s probably just a tree snake. But it could be brown. Who cares what colour it is, its a frickin’ snake! I need to protect my baby. Where’s my phone. What do I do?

My instinct is to just get the hell out of there but a voice in my head tells me that if I go outside I won’t know where the snake goes. I reach to grab my phone off the kitchen bench and immediately ring Kaine. Now, I know he’s at work and he can’t do anything but he’s my person so I ring him.

I’m basically hyperventilating as I explain to him what is going on. I tell him I don’t know what kind of snake it is and that I just want to get out of the house. Meanwhile the snake is taunting me as it weaves in and out between the vertical blinds on our lounge room window. Each time its head peaks out and stares at me I squeal and that prickly feeling goes through my body as the adrenaline shoots through me.

Despite my logical voice telling me to keep an eye on the snake, my emotional voice and the mum in me won out and we headed swiftly out the front door. It’s hot. Jesse is heavy and started to get a bit freaked out. For his sake I try to calm down.

After a bit of googling Kaine sends me some numbers for snake removers. I kept thinking if only my brother or dad were nearby they would be able to help but they were both at work too.

So I ring the first number and he tells me he can be here in 20 minutes but I have to go back in and watch the snake. Go and stand in the room and block it in he says. Yeah right!

I sneak back in the front door while still on the phone to him. I scan the room. Aggghhhh! I see it, I see it. It’s still in the same place. Oh, its climbing up the wall (which Kaine says later is impossible because snakes don’t have sticky feet!). It slithers along the top of the window. And its big, at least a metre long.

My hero (the slightly rude yet somehow still comforting snake remover) tells me he’s in the car and on his way. Just then the snake falls from his perch (perhaps they don’t have sticky feet). I squeal again. Shit, I’ve lost sight of it. Mr Snake remover will be most unimpressed with me but there’s no way I’m going any closer to investigate his whereabouts.

20 agonising minutes later I hear a knock at the door. I recount the last 20 minutes to him. I haven’t seen it in a while but I’m pretty sure it is still in the lounge area. He proceeds to pull our lounge room apart. Just then I edge into the room a little further.

“I see it! I see it!” I yelled. “It’s in the kitchen.”

“So… it wasn’t in the lounge room” is all he said rather condescendingly. Followed by “yep, just a tree snake, look at this cute fella.”

I didn’t care, he found the snake and was taking it away. That’s all I needed to know.

Immediately seeing it in his hands though it seemed far less of a threat than it had when it was creeping through my home. My castle.

Having had some time to reflect I now feel a bit silly for my OTT reaction, but I couldn’t help it. If it happened to be a venomous snake, I would have had to do everything I could to protect my baby, and myself.

But in the end, even though it was a $95 call out fee, and even though it was only a tree snake, it’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.