It’s been six weeks since I last went to work.

It’s been six weeks since I got up at 5am… put on work clothes… caught public transport… walked through Brisbane City…

But today, for the first time in six weeks, I got up at 5am, put on my work clothes, caught public transport, walked through Brisbane City and went to work. Because today, is my first day back from my planned parental leave.

For the past six weeks, I’ve had the absolute pleasure of being home with Renee to help welcome our second child, Jasper James into the world. And wow… what an amazing six weeks it’s been!

Our family grew by one (us boys now officially rule the house!!!). We had numerous visitors come through our doors to give us adult interaction but to also meet and adore our newest addition. I managed to complete a number of home projects we kept putting off because we either had no time, no money, or a combination of the two. I bonded with Jesse on a whole new level after spending almost every waking hour keeping him entertained so that Renee could tend to Jasper.

We laughed. We cried. We slept on the couch at midday because we got little sleep the night before.

We had tantrums. We had night terrors. We had snotty noses. We had vomit down out arms and nappies full of diarrhoea.

But it was literally the best six weeks at home we have spent together in a very long time.

But today, it all changed. Because today, was my first day back at work. Today, was the first day Renee was at home with both boys by herself. Today, was the day that I had to leave Renee, Jesse and Jasper at home, after spending 6 weeks with them, because I had to go back to work. Today, was one of the hardest days I’ve had to face in a long time.

I always knew it was going to be difficult leaving my family behind as I went back off to work after spending so much time together. But come yesterday evening, I felt physically sick at the thought of going back to work! Not because I hate my job, far from it! But because all I wanted to do, was to be with my family.

However, if there is one thing I do know, it’s that work is exactly where I need to be. I need to provide for my family so that there is petrol in the tank, food on the table, and nappies on the kids. I need to support my family so that Renee is able to continue to stay at home with our children and chase her passion as a Kanga Trainer.

And it’s for those reasons, as I sit here at work on my lunch break, that I know I am where I need to be, and I am okay with that.

For those of you out there who are in similar positions, remember… you may be leaving your partner and kids of a day, but don’t feel guilty about that. You are where you need to be, and in the future, they will thank you for that!

The morning started like any other morning has over the past week and a half. I slowly opened my eyes as my senses alerted me to the light of the morning sun starting to peek through the blinds and the sounds of birds chirping and early morning mowing rolled through the bedroom.

Like most mornings, I quickly came to realise that Jesse was laying in bed next to me. Rolling over to face him I began to watch his chest rising and falling with each breath. His tiny little mouth slightly open and letting out little snore like sounds. His whispy hair flicking back and forth as the fan oscillated back and forth.

Renee was still sleeping. Breathing the heavy breaths of a woman who is 39 weeks pregnant and constantly exhausted. Sleeping soundly because at that moment, she wasn’t experiencing the contractions that have kept her awake some nights.

It was peaceful. It was serene. And I didn’t want to disturb what was such a beautiful moment.

So I lay there. Awake, but as still as I could be. I lay there and found myself staring at Jesse… his eyes… his ears… his tiny little mouth and lips… his whispy blonde hair… his red, puffy cheeks… his nose…

I stared at him, wondering how we came to create such an amazing little person… How did we create this gorgeous, spirited, amazing little man that has captured our hearts so much?

I stared at him until I realised I was falling in love with him all over again.

It was almost like an out of body experience. Like I was floating above watching myself staring at this tiny little human that was silently sleeping in between us. It felt like a dream. Like it wasn’t quite real and that I needed to reach out and touch him just to make sure he was real and he was truly ours.

But I didn’t need to. Because he is real. He is ours. He is the cheeky little monkey that we have  grown to love more and more each day over the past 22 months.

And then he opened his eyes and all of a sudden, those gorgeous blue eyes were staring back at me, like he knew what I was doing all along.