This is a bit of a throwback Thursday on a Friday.
Yes. That totally makes sense!
We love getting outdoors with Jesse. And he absolutely LOVES it! Crawling in the grass… the fresh air… the wonderful new smells and sights… It must be like a sensory overload for him.
And now that it’s getting a little bit cooler, I imagine us getting outdoors a lot more often!
Autumn in Queensland = Love!
This past week I probably had my worst nights sleep since becoming a dad.
Before I go into that, let me start from the beginning though.
I have been incredibly lucky with my sleep since becoming a first time dad. Renee, who is an absolute legend of a first time mum in my books, incredibly, unselfishly and without hesitation took on the night shifts when it came to getting up to Jesse when he woke throughout the night.
In the beginning, she was breastfeeding, so there wasn’t much use for me to be awake. And our rationale was that it was better having one well rested parent for the day to take on most of the responsibility.
Then, I went back to work, while Renee continued her journey as a stay at home mum. We both agreed that again, there was wasn’t much use for me to get up throughout the night so that I was tired for work the next day.
What an amazing woman right! I am an incredibly lucky man to have someone who has practically been a sleep deprived mess for the past 10 months, but hasn’t complained about it one bit.
Cut to last Wednesday night.
Jesse has been teething and on top of this, he is going through his latest leap. This has resulted in a very unhappy and unsettled boy over the past week or two.
Wednesday night, I went through Jesse’s new bedtime routine which has become one of my new responsibilities. One that I cherish and love to do. He fell asleep relatively easily at around 7pm, which has become somewhat of the normal time he falls asleep for the first time of a night.
9:30pm he wakes for the first time. Something that we’ve become used to recently. Him waking up often throughout the night. Well, trying to get him back to sleep after he woke was nearly impossible!
Everything Renee tried just simply would not work. He was quiet when he had a boob in his mouth, but as soon as that stopped he would wake up. Renee would try and stand and he would wake up crying. Renee would try and put him down in his cot, and he would start screaming.
Cue me to try and calm the situation. I manage to get him to to fall asleep in my arms without waking up. SUCCESS!
Go to put him in his cot, and again he would start screaming!
It turns out the only thing that would stop him from screaming was bringing him into our bed with us.
So that’s exactly what we did. We brought him into our bed, where he tossed and turned until he found a comfortable spot in bed. He had his chest and head laying up on my pillow pressed in as close as he could to my face.
Every time I would move, he would shuffle over pressing his head back against my face. At one stage, he was almost pushing me off my own pillow.
And that is how I lay in bed… until 2am the next morning. Not sleeping. Just snuggling with our little Jesse, listening to his breathing as he slept soundly.
And you know what, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 2am… and despite the fact that I was tired at work the next day, I loved EVERY… SINGLE… SECOND of him snuggled into my face as he slept that night.
Since that night we have thrown the rule book out the window and decided that for all 3 of our sakes, if having Jesse sleep in our bed means that we get a better night sleep, well dammit he will sleep in our bed!
And that’s what we’ve done. For the past 3 nights he has slept in our bed. And you know what, I think it’s the best sleep Jesse and Renee have gotten in months!
As for me, I get to fall asleep every night knowing that I’m snuggling with my two favourite people in the whole wide world!
I read a story recently that has continued to impact on me and challenge me since reading it.
The story was of one mum’s promise to go to her baby when he cried for her no matter how tired or touched out she was, as the result of learning a heartbreaking reality for babies in an African orphanage.
She recounted the experience of a friend who had visited an orphanage and had been struck by how quiet one of the rooms was despite having over 100 babies in it. When they asked how so many babies could be so quiet the response was that they’ve realised no one is coming for them when they cry so they just don’t any more.
Uh. Cue heart break.
Straight away I related to this woman’s promise to her baby to go to him. That’s the kind of mum I want to be I thought to myself. I felt so sad at the thought of a little baby crying for their mother that would never come to them.
That night as I heard Jesse stir through the monitor for the fourth time since putting him down I threw back the covers and whispered into the darkness “damn it, Jesse”.
Doesn’t he know I’m tired? Doesn’t he know that I can’t take many more nights like this?
As I stepped into the hallway hearing his cry getting more desperate, I felt a pang of guilt and the story came flooding back to me.
No. He doesn’t know I’m in the other room praying for more than a couple of hours of sleep in a row. All he knows is its dark, he’s alone and he wants me to comfort him.
The same battle plays out through the day as he constantly climbs up my leg begging to be cuddled only to want to be put down again moments later. And then up again. And then down again.
My patience wears thin. But what about that promise to go to him no matter what? What about those silent babies who’ve given up on waiting for someone to come to them.
Goodness me. Being a parent really is a mind f*** isn’t it!
I was going to finish the post there feeling there wasn’t much else left to say when something beautiful happened.
I scooped up a begging Jesse into my arms for the hundredth time and read back this post aloud the way I always do before publishing it. And almost as if he knew what I needed, Jesse reached out, turned my face towards his and pressed his open mouth against mine. I was expecting an enthusiastic poke in the eye or finger shoved in my mouth but this was so much better. So gentle, so loving.
And just like that my love tank is full again.
Lately I’ve been giving the ladies a gee up and boasting about how awesome women are, but I haven’t forgotten about the guys. Dads in particular.
There’s been lots of stories lately about how dads get a bad wrap and treated like unhelpful idiots when it comes to babies and parenting. I wholeheartedly agree that just because there are a few lousy dads out there (you know, the ones that call spending time alone with their child babysitting), not all men are crap dads.
In fact, most dads that I know are just as hands on with their kids as mums. And some of them even do housework. I know… you’re wondering how to get one of those husbands, but I found one, so I’m sure they’re out there!
The awesome dad does the early morning shift so mum can sleep in. The awesome dad jigs baby to sleep while singing lullabies that he knows none of the words to but makes them up anyway.
He can’t wait to play or cuddle or do bath time in the evenings even though he’s just finished a long day at work. He makes sure the car seat is in just right and he panics over every little scratch, bump and bruise. The awesome dad sneaks into bubba’s room just to marvel at how gosh darn cute he is.
And who says men can’t multitask?? The awesome dad can play PlayStation and get baby to sleep!
The reason I know these awesome dads exist is because I see it every day. I’m married to one.
On top of all this he also reassures me on a regular basis that I’m an awesome mum. And we can not hear that enough can we mum’s?
So here’s to the awesome dads. The ones that wrestle the floor, give shoulder rides and read bedtime stories.
You rock!
And to my husband, not only do you rock, but you are my rock.
X
Being a full time mum may seem like its all Netflix and coffee dates – swanning around the shops in your active wear sipping on a skinny chai latte. But they really are right when they say being a mum is the hardest job in the world. And I’m only 7 months in!
Okay, so there might be a fair bit of Netflix. Especially in those early newborn days. And yes, coffee is now a food group all of it’s own in my current diet… but there is more to it. We parents work bloody hard. Especially those that have jobs and kids to take care of!
So what’s it really like?
I’m gonna start with the ugly while it’s fresh in my mind. Yesterday was ugly! Our usually fairly chilled bub had suddenly become some sort of possessed, teething monster who only operated on two extremes. Screaming and inconsolable! Or snugly and super clingy! Okay, so the snugly clingy part wasn’t so bad, but it was the several plus hours of the inconsolable screaming beforehand that was the really ugly part. It’s the part of parenting where you pretty much lose your s*** but then feel really bad because you know its not their fault. You know your little one is not purposefully sending your blood pressure through the roof. They’re in pain. And they need their mummy. Thankfully, these really ugly days are few and far between.
And then there’s the bad. Hmmm, where do I start? Well, there’s the ongoing sleep deprivation. If you really want to mess someone up just wake them up every three hours. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. There are times where they let you go right back to sleep… But then there are times where they just smile up at you and giggle and make you play with them for an hour. When you get one of those “It’s 3am and I’m wide awake” smiles, it is incredibly frustrating and ridiculously cute all at the same time. And then there’s the poo under your finger nails, the vomit on your shirt just as your about to finally head out the door, the thinking you can hear the baby cry every time you get in the shower, and the song Peppa Pig sings about finding a friend for her pet goldfish Goldie that you JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!! “Fishy fishy fish fish, swimming in the sea. Who will be a fishy friend, for my fish Goldie?”
But then there’s the good. And it is, oh… so… good! It’s that uncontrollable urge to plant an inappropriate amount of kisses on that squishy face whenever it’s in close range. And what is it with baby feet that just makes you want to (ever so gently) bite them? Its the tiny warm body that fits perfectly on your chest as his gently rises and falls with each breath while he sleeps. And even the now not-so-tiny body that still manages to fit just right. Its the chubby little arms that learn to reach out for his mama whenever she walks by. Its the chubby little legs that kick out as you tickle him under his neck and arms. And that throaty laughter that may just be the sweetest sound in the world.
There is oh so much good. And the best part is, you only need one good moment to outweigh a whole day of ugly moments (and thank God for that, otherwise we’d never deliberately procreate!).
But with all of that, and despite the fact that being a parent really is the hardest job in the world… we wouldn’t trade it in for anything would we mum’s and dad’s? I love the fact that I am a stay at home mum. And I know there will come a time when my boy will be grown and no longer need me to give him my everything so I will try to treasure it all, the good, the bad… and the ugly, while I can. It sure is tough, but it’s also so incredibly rewarding and fun.
So hold your heads up high stay at home mums and dads… You have the best job in the world!
A very merry Christmas to everyone out there.
From Kaine, Renee and Jesse.
As you would know by now, as part of our ‘Not So Secret Life Of Us’ project and blog, we have our own YouTube channel.
Well, one of the projects that we kept putting off, was our NSSLOU YouTube Trailer. This is basically a video that any new visitors to our YouTube channel will be presented with, giving them a snapshot into our lives and what our channel is all about.
And can we just say, that we are absolutely stoked with how it’s turned out!
We went through all of our old footage dating right back to when we were first married… and combined it into a 3min long highlight reel of our lives so far. So check the video out below, and while you’re at it, go hit us up on YouTube and leave us a like, a comment and subscribe… 😉
Peace out! (I think we need to come up with a better sign off… hahaha…)
After kind of a rough morning, it is now Jesse’s nap time and all is quiet in the house.
For a moment I think about how I’d love to just flop on the couch, switch on some Netflix and just mentally recharge before round two. And then I look over to the kitchen and notice the bottles that need washing up. I then remember that load of baby clothes that’s still in the machine that need hanging up to dry. And my thoughts then turn to my next blog post which unfortunately isn’t going to write itself.
Nap time then becomes a mission to get as much done as humanly possible before he wakes up and the cycle starts again.
I tell you what… they are right when they say that being a mum is the most rewarding yet most difficult job in the world! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. As hard as it is on some days for the stay-at-home parent, it is equally as challenging for the one who’s at work all day.
On mornings like we had today, when Jesse is upset and crying for reasons that I can’t quite figure out, I not only have to soothe him, but I also find myself reassuring Kaine that everything is OK. This is partly my own fault, because he wouldn’t even know if it weren’t for the fact I keep him up to date via text messages and Snapchats throughout the day.
It is mostly good news and cute pics. But when its not, I know that his natural ‘worry wart’ tendencies are even more exacerbated due to him not being able to be here to see or help Jesse first hand.
The plus side of having a partner to navigate this whole parenting maze with is that we balance each other out. If Kaine’s freaking out over something then I try to stay calm so that I can talk him down and be the voice of reason and positivity. And goodness knows he has had to talk me off a ledge a time or two as well. That said, it doesn’t always work out that way and there are occasions when we disagree or simply not know the right action to take.
Being married is one thing but raising a human with another person is the ultimate test in team work. Its no longer just about where the toothpaste tube gets squeezed from, which way the toilet paper goes on the holder or who hogs the sheets at night. We now have to work together to take care of a baby.
Suddenly we’re needing to make all these decisions and we both are desperately trying to get it right and take care of our little man the best we can. I swear every time I run the bath for Jesse, Kaine will ask if the temperature is okay before putting him in. And, probably equally annoying for Kaine is when I come swooping in to console a tired, cranky bub even though he is doing a great job of it himself.
Of course it is not that we are judging each other or that we don’t trust each other’s decisions. We just so badly want to do an exceptional job at raising our little human, and any future little humans that my join our family, that sometimes it all get’s just a little overwhelming.
That said, even though it can be really hard and overwhelming at times, we know its only because we care so much. For our boy. For each other. And about being the best and most exceptional parent we can be.
But at the end of the day, when it comes to our values and our desire to be peaceful, positive parents… We are 100% on the same page. And that is what makes us work!
So I know I’ve touched on this before… but wow… we are now up to day 116 of our 365 Project! How insane is that!!!
I cannot believe that we have made it this far…
A photo every day.
A post every day.
All showing off what our lives are like as a first time mum and dad.
The 365 Project has been many things… challenging… tough… fun… exciting… hard… easy…
Having to come up with a photo and post EVERY DAY has been challenging at times… but we knew that we were not going to be in for an easy ride with this project.
All that said though, we are having an absolute blast doing it.
Looking back on all the photos I’ve taken, all I can think about is the end game. The end result. That book that we will end up with that shows what our lives were like in that first year with our little Jesse.
How amazing is that going to be to share with friends and family! How amazing will that be to share with other first time mums and dads out there to show them hey, you aren’t the only ones who have felt like this or gone through that. You aren’t alone. We’ve all been there. And we will all be better off for it!
But the best thing of all, how amazing is it going to be to share this book with Jesse when he is older! How amazing is it going to be for Jesse to be able to read all about his first year of life through our eyes as first time parents.
All the ups and downs… the trials and tribulations… the struggles and the victories… How much our lives changed but also how we wouldn’t have had it any other way…
While I don’t want to wish the year away, I cannot wait to see this book in all its glory at the end of this project!
The 365 Project continues…
Spring is probably my favourite season of the year. And in Queensland, the gods really turn it on for us each year when spring eventually rolls around.
Spring has officially begun. We are now 11 days into what I think is the best season of the year and it’s already looking like it’s going to be a spectacular one. The skies are blue. The trees are starting to get their leaves and flowers back. The grass is the greenest I’ve seen it. And the temperature is that perfect mix between being not too cold and not too warm…
It is absolute heaven…
I work in Brisbane City. Always have done. And spring is the perfect season to get out and about to soak up the sun on leisurely lunch time walks.
On more than one occasion over the past week I have found myself walking through the Brisbane Botanical Gardens enjoying this heavenly weather we are experiencing. I’ll often walk through looking at the gardens daydreaming about our future with little Jesse. Or sit on the grass and soak up the sun thinking back about how lucky we are to have such a perfect little man in our lives.
It is incredibly soothing and relaxing to be able to get outdoors and just clear your mind on a daily basis, getting away from the hustle and bustle of the streets of Brisbane and the stress of work.
Spring in Queensland, is perfect!
So, do you enjoy spring as much as I do? What do enjoy doing in spring that relaxes you?
not so secret life of us 